Ex keeps threatening suicide

[ConfusedMotherOfOne]

What do I do? He's said he will see our son (18 months) Sunday and drop him at his mums Sunday night (he's staying there) for the last time and he won't see either of us again. What do I do??

I'm going to speak to my HV tomorrow, I know everyone is trying to help but I'm totally clueless to this horrible situation, have never dreamed I'd have to get SS involved or anything. My world's falling apart and I'm trying to regain control. Thanks everyone for your help though x

I really do feel for you op, and your ex has done a real number on you. I can see your head is all over the place, and that is understandable - but I absolutely agree that you have to stop engaging with this man. Is your ds's nanna your ex's Mum? Have you told her about the threats that your ex is making? Do you have complete and utter confidence that she wouldn't leave your ex with your ds unsupervised and that she would be capable of intervening in a dangerous situation? If you can't guarantee those things, then you mustn't put your ds in that position.

I agree, contact ss and get advice about other ways of supervised access. It's going to be emotionally tough for your son to see an emotional drama happening in front of him where his parents are in tears and one is making threats to themselves. It isn't just physical safety you need to think about for your ds but emotional safety too. It is not healthy for his access to your ex to be when you are there.

Has anyone on here mentioned the Freedom Programme run by Woman's Aid? It sounds like you could do with some kind of help with changing your thinking in terms of what your responsibilities are and are not towards your ex.

Otherwise, I wonder whether perhaps you could do with help with co-dependency issues? I'm not in a position to say whether you do or not, but it might be worth looking at this checklist to see if Co-Dependents Anonymous may be another source of support Coda

You have to stop engaging with him, seeing him, absolutely stop justifying yourself to him!! "It is not working for me anymore" should more than suffice.

As a matter of priority you need to find a way of making any access he has to your ds physically and emotionally safe. If that means he doesn't see ds until you've spoken to someone that can give you advice then so be it.

Good luck

Hi OP,

You really need to tell the police what is happening and stop all contact with your ex.

The first thing I thought of when I read your opening post was those men whose partners have left and then they do harm to the ex, any children and then themselves.

I was wary of saying that until I read your last updates as I didn't want to scare you. However, you keep allowing your ex to manipulate you and to have unsupervised access to your son.

Your ex is in a mess and seems to be unpredictable. If SS are already on your case with regards his abuse, then you need to let them and the police help you.

If your partner is volatile and you do not ultimately respond to any of his pleas etc. then I wouldn't be in the least surprised if he increases the threats and intentions.

If you go back to him and because SS are already aware that you and your son are at risk, then I doubt they will pull any punches in at least trying to get your son out of that environment even if you yourself choose to stay in it.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but many women before you have thought their ex partners not capable of the worst and the worst has happened.

You need to protect your son and yourself from this man.

I'm going to be very blunt here, and spell out what other people are getting at when they say not to let your ex see your son unsupervised or at his mother's where he could just walk out with your son while he is in such an emotionally unstable state.

The awful truth is that some men decide that when a relationship is over, they will commit suicide and kill the children at the same time.

The sort of men that do this are immature and unstable, and emotionally abusive and manipulative.

Your ex seems to be all these things, and that is why people are saying that he shouldn't have any unsupervised contact with your son at the moment.

'Supervised' contact means contact at a special contact centre where he would not be allowed to leave the centre with your son.

Please go and get your son back right now. Make other arrangements for his care tomorrow or don't go into work.

Speak with your hv or ss to help you formulate a plan to keep your child safe until your ex has truly accepted the relationship is over between you and he has moved on emotionally.

You need to keep a distance from him, at least at the moment, while he sorts himself out. You can't be the one to help him do this, as you are the subject of his longing. He needs to do this himself, independantly of you, with the help of his family, friends and counsellor.

cross posted with Sevenstones (I'm a slow typist)

For gods sake, don’t let him take your son anywhere

Ok I’m going to be blunt.

Did you see that case the other weeknof the guy jumping with his kids off a cliff?

Sometimes incredibly selfish men do stuff like that. He’s told you he’s suicidal and he’s emotionally abusive.

You do not let him be in ANY situation where his dad could take him - that INCLUDES at his nan’s. What if he takes him and decides to teach you a lesson? And before you say ‘oh he wouldn’t do that’ no one thinks anyone would do that. But they do.

You cut contact, you let him see your son at a contact centre and you call 101 and report any suicide threats to them. I’m sure a few visits from the boys and girls in blue will help him enormously.

I wish I hate been a bit blunter, please OP, listen to the voices on here.

This happened in the town I used to live, I grew up with the man, he was a well balanced child, nice background, boy next door type, I promise you.

He took his kids to Wales in the car and put the exhaust into it and killed them all.

You are putting your son at risk letting him be cared for by his mother with your ex there.

He could walk out with the baby and she couldn't stop him - she has no rights, he has parental responsibility and she doesn't.

You need to go and get your son back RIGHT NOW.

What does his mother know abput him and his messages?
Why do you leave d's with his mother?

You are giving him. Mixed messages by promising to be his friend...sadly that won't work with people like this.

Get d's back.
See a solicitor.
Report what ex has said to your hv to as to anyone who will listen

Do not engage with ex that means no messages or promises to be his friend or hang out with him.

Why are you more worried about him and your relationship with him than you are about your sons safety????

You realise that texting him shit like "I don't want you to kill yourself" is exactly what he wants.

This is no joke.

If you must t e xt - once you got d's back - it should be

"This is the number for the Samaritans ......"
"Please speak to your gp "

No more cozy chats in the shopping centre