Hi everyone.
I am currently under talking therapy via telephone once a week, have been since the start of me trying to break up because I felt so down, which meant SS got involved as they were concerned about the emotional abuse and the affects it'd have on our son. No further intervention by them just a phone call, but I think this was mostly because I said I was in the process of leaving.
Yesterday when I saw him he just completely bombarded me with questions regarding someone I've been speaking to, a male, who I shouldnt have spoken to I suppose whilst still in a relationship but it happened, I was being emotionally abused and made to feel worthless then someone online made me feel my worth (completely the wrong thing to do but obviously ex partner has hang ups on it due to trust issues) but I've explained 100s of times that the reason me leaving isn't to do with anyone else, just I've had enough and need to remove me and DS from the situation where we are at risk of danger from emotional abuse.
He's just saying he's realised what he did before was wrong and I am cruel for not giving him a second chance (because apparently even murderers and rapists get second chances so why doesn't he???).
I tried to explain that despite of if he knows what he did was wrong before and he's changed I am still allowed to want to leave and how hard this is for me and how I didn't come to the decision lightly, according to him all the trying I did before wasnt truly trying because I didn't express how unhappy I was until it was too late and I should have nipped it in the bud earlier. I've explained time. And time again that I couldn't speak out because I was scared about what his reaction would be and it shouldn't have taken me saying something for him to see how horrible and awful he was being to me.
Ended up me walking around the shopping centre in tears as he's making me feel so guilty about wanting to break up. But I try and say my point and he just says about how it's fine because he's done and he'll be gone tomorrow (tonight). He's now saying he didn't say suicide or going away and he doesn't know what he's going to do.
Then we had some dinner and he almost cried because he said he can't believe we won't be doing things like this again. I tried to explain we could for our son...
I told him how I understand how he is feeling as I am wanting to run away too and he said that shows that we need each other and need to be together (phases straight out of controlling behaviour 101 hand book right???) but honestly believe he believes what he's saying...
We said our goodbyes when I dropped him home and some part of me does want to try but another part I know if I went back it would be because of guilt and feeling sorry for him.
He messaged last night saying he'll always love me and he hopes he gets the chance to prove it to me one day and I said I didn't want him to kill himself and I'll always be there for him but then he messaged back saying we'll let's try then.... That's not what I mean!!
He's going to his mums for dinner and my son will be there and I'm going to message his mum to let me know when they arrive etc. And how he's been saying about disappearing for a few days and I'm concerned. Do I just ring 111 to report that he's unstable or what? Do I need evidence? He's avoiding writing "I want to kill myself" via message but is alluding to it and I do have those sorts of messages.
He even messaged first thing this morning saying "is there any hope" and its just heart breaking as I feel like I'm breaking up with him again and again.
He said he's speaking to therapist about being suicidal 2 times a week but surely they'd have contacted our HV? I don't believe he is.