Ugh have I judged this completely wrong

[New2OLD]

Separated from exh around three months ago...15 years together he cheated.

Anyway started to dip my toe into the world of OLD and nearly four weeks ago met this lovely guy. He planned a lovely first date...then a second constant texting etc slept with him on second date the chemistry between us was amazing....had a third,fourth and fifth date but he just doesn't seem as into me as he was at the first and second date.

Was with him today I thought we had a nice time then tonight I've heard nothing...just a bit miffed he said all the right things and mug her fell for it 😞😞

But what have you lost?

A potential mate yes....but dignity? No. You have as much right to consensual sex as any person...man or woman.

Women are taught that sex is some precious thing...not to be given to just anyone.

You wanted to sleep with him...you thought he was into the idea of a relationship...it didn't turn out that way.

You don't need a man whose not into you OP. So you've lost nothing.

You was only with him today. Is he suppose to message you non stop? You sound very needy.

No it's just the first three weeks he was constantly in contact very full on tbf...then this week he has completely did a U turn...short replies and things. Usually I would hear from him but tonight wall of silence

I'm glad I slept with him it was great just need to read people a bit better me thinks

You need more time to get over the breakdown of your relationship with husband.
I was cheated on. Worst feeling ever and it left me in a not very good place.
I couldn't think about being with anyone else for nearly 2 years.
Not saying everyone is the same but you need to give yourself time to heal.

Some people just like the chase. Could be as simple as that. It's shit for you but give yourself a break. It's still early days.

I agree with username. After i left my H it was over 2 years before I felt ready to date again. Not saying everyone needs to wait that long but 2 months is a really short time. Be kind to yourself

I think you've been love bombed into thinking that there's chemistry with the constant texting and now he's ghosting you. He's an arse. The best way to look at it is that you've had some very nice sex and got to walk away with your head held high without having to have had any kind of actual relationship with this teenager in a man's body.

Yes you’ve been love bombed.

I’d suggest you focus on you for now. If you must online date, then don’t focus too early on one man. Keep up conversations with others until you’ve had the ‘We’re Exclusive’ chat.

OP - your long relationship broke up just 3 mo ago. And you are just starting to date.
I’ll tell you what I told a single friend who was starting OLD a year ago - just take it easy. Don’t get too invested. It’s highly unlikely that the first man you meet OLD will be your soulmate for life.
No matter how much you want to be in a relationship and yearn for that special connection.

So - there is nothing you did wrong here. You just really want to be in a relationship again - and life doesn’t work this way.

People meet, and start hanging out. And initial excitement may stay and build up. Or not.
He hasn’t done anything wrong either. It is possible for the people to first get very into someone and then it doesn’t develop.
It’s not anything people can control.

If/when you meet someone that’s right - and both of you feel that way - it’ll all develop as it should.

I think you are vulnerable and possibly a little naive. Most people don't find a great partner immediately on online dating. It takes time and any gut remotely good looking has his pick of women. Be wary that many people know how to talk the talk.

I met my partner (4 years together now) online. He's a gem, sweetest guy ever. But did I have to kiss a few frogs first.... Yes.

Don't take it too seriously for now and mind your heart x

It's hard-if you've nothad the exclsuoveness conversation he might be chatting to others- which is the norm in OLD

Maybe have that conversation if that's what you want so you know where you stand

Some people.might need 2 years - I had about 6 months.everyone od different

I think the lovebombing is quite true he was very full on and I completely fell for it...not that we were exclusive but he told me on the first date that he wouldn't be dating anyone else so I kinda thought ok I'll do that too...argh.

We have text this morning but I know from his side it's only polite texting ah well you live and learn thanks guys!

OP - have you seen animals courting? Peacocks, etc?

MN loves this term - ‘lovebombing’ and uses it to indicate some malicious tactics on male side...

This is how people court each other. And have for ages. In the olden days - men wrote poetry and serenaded women, etc.
Technology makes it easier these days, and increases frequency.

Point is - with him, or any other man you meet - you won’t know how he feels about you, or, INDEED, how you feel about him - until you actually know each other and spend lots of time together.
So - just remember that.

So we had another date this week all
Was great when together then the next day that awkward texting...so I told him last night it's best we leave it obviously he wasn't that interested all fine etc and he tried to turn it into me lol then eventually he admitted what I thought all
Along.

Feel a bit sad as he seemed lovely and very genuine but massive learning curve for me thanks for the advice MN

for you op and a for later

Chin up learn from it and now park it, move on NEXT

I agree with PP who said about getting to know someone well first. If you're actually looking for a relationship then it makes no sense to sleep with men early on as you can't see the wood for the trees then.

If a man is also genuinely looking for a relationship, then he won't mind.

I didn't think I'd sleep with him so soon was completely out of character of me but I think after zero affection from my husband for two years this guy showered me with compliments said all the right things and I just thought wow he's great lol
God I'm such a cliche

Nah...he was just your "getting back in the saddle" man. There for a purpose, which he served.

Now you can forget about that worry and focus on meeting a man you get along with.

Aww you’re not a cliche - you’re an honest person who wouldn’t dream of bullshitting someone else, so it didn’t occur to you he was high on the chase and would then lose interest.

The next time the intense charm and constant texting starts, with the next guy, take it with a pinch of salt, wait and see, and keep your options open.

I'm usually quite a rational person so I'm
Shocked I fell for it...if my ex of 15 years can pull the wool out ber my eyes why should a virtual stranger not do the same 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s easy to fall for stuff when we feel vulnerable. You’re obviously still in need of lots of healing after the end of your relationship. So focus on keeping a cosy protective layer around you when you meet new men - you don’t have to rush things with the good ones. No strings sex is great if both people want just that. At the moment it sounds like you’re not in the right place for being so emotionally contained.

Ugh I really annoy myself he text and rang me last night we met up he was a little drunk told me ur really liked me he had really fell for me etc

Then home I came sent him a nice message and I awoke to a dry reply and now a wall
Of silence. I can't even blame him I blame me for being such an idiot I'm actually laughing at myself lol

Definitely not married...