How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex ?

[meme70]

How do you feel about your husband / wife having friends of the opposite sex ?

I’m on my 3rd long term relationship ok nearly 50 and my last 2 relatioanships I ended as one was an alcoholic the other a cheat and control freak
I spent 16 years with first guy 9 years with second guy the both only had male friends so it never really gave me a reason to think about female friends of my SO.

My husband now we have been together 5 years and he has only one friend male where we live and a few male friends about 100 miles away he sees rarely. Years and years ago he had a couple female friends but never told me about one who has messaged him in Facebook late the other evening.
He said he was really good friends with her and she was going out with his mate about 20 years ago and the finished so she took to hanging around with my husband and another mate and we’re close friends.
Now I know it’s normal to be friends but I wonder why she’s tracked him down after absoutley no contact in 15 years. Looking at her fb profile she looks single with 5 year old twin boys.
He has t read her message it’s bewn 2 days since she sent it to me it seems weird that he hasn’t read it ?

Does your SO meet up and message opposite sex friends ?

I do feel a bit insecure as he did lie to me about he cheated on his ex with another ex and I only found out when his bitter ex told me who it was and he denied he slept with said ex when married so I’m unsure if this close friend was an ex or really just a friend

Op

You are never alone.. If you are going through emotional abuse from your partner your friends and family will support you regardless of how many years have gone by because I'd like to believe it's in our nature to want to help others out.

I really hope you get through this, perhaps marriage counselling or seeing a mediator might be useful.

Lots of hugs and flowers 💐 x

Nothing wrong with multiple ltrs. I have had 3 myself. I'm of the view that you learn from each one.

What you describe is not good op. It is controlling behaviour and double standards. I hope this thread has opened your eyes to that in some small way.

I have male friends. DP has female friends. It's natural. This men and women can't be friends is so out dated it boils my blood.

And what difference does it make if she looks single. All single women are not out to steal married men! My goodness.

I think it depends on how strong your personal boundaries are. My Ex had very little boundaries and his female friendships really hurt me. Strangely enough they were always younger, pretty, single, and he ended up talking about our relationship.

It’s one if the things that made me not want to be with him.

I have Male friends of all ages. However I don’t pursue a closeness, I’m well aware which ones fancy me so I’m careful with those, and I never invite personal conversations about relationships.

It does sound controlling op, or at least getting that way.

I don't mind my partner having female friends, he doesn't mind me having male friends. I don't however like being friends with exs. It's too weird to me, to try and remain friends with someone you had sex with. I'm not friends with any of my exs and never tried to be, it would just be awkward.

I prefer being friends with women than men- why wouldn’t dp feel the same?

I have no problem with a partner having female friends. However, I would expect him to treat her the same as his male friends.

I would probably start to get concerned if he was treating her differently.

Long before I got together with my ex, he had an intense friendship with a female friend. He met up with her every weekend, spoke every day and had lunch during the week. He saw the friend more than his girlfriend. His girlfriend at the time hated this arrangement and thought it was odd.

Despite swearing that they were just friends, he ended up in a relationship with the friend.

It doesn't help that you only mentioned the controlling behaviours and emotional abuse later on as people are now answering 2 different questions.

Your first one is if it ok to got partner yo have friends off other gender.
Of course it is.

And most people would choose their friends if their partner was uppity about it although you seemed to find this a reason to criticise someone.

Then bizarrely it turns out that's just what your partner is doing and he's trying to control you.

It's not ok.

I think you are focusing on the wrong person

1. The female friend who messaged is not toblame.

2 you have an extremely controlling husband. EXTREMELY. You married an alcoholic and a cheat and your current husband is abusive. Who is he to dictate who you meet, how often you telephone etc. All of these are terrible things to do. He’s isolating you. I have female friends and male friends. Three of my oldest friends are male. One of them has a wife who works with my husband (both doctors) but my male friend and I share a sporting interest our spouses don’t. We have taken our kids to this sporting event every year without our spouses. The other male friend is a former colleague and someone I did my PHD with. I regularly meet up with him for lunch. My best female friend lives in a city my husband travels to for work sometimes. They also catch up for a meal. None of this is unusual or strange. No one needs permission to be friends with anyone else. There is no ulterior motive.

Your husband sounds like an awful jealous, bitter and controlling man. That’s your problem. Not the woman who messaged him.