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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My best friend slept with my Ex

70 replies

upsideup · 14/03/2018 10:37

I have just found out best friend slept with my ex partner the week after we broke up and continued to do so for over a year behind my back while supporting me through the break up. The relationship ended 12 years ago, i am now married with children and through this time she has continued to be my best and closest friend.
We werent together and it was a long time ago but I cant help feel so hurt and betrayed by her. I dont want to lose our friendship over this but I dont know if I can keep quiet and just pretend I dont know.

I'm not sure what I'm asking but would you be able to forget about this or is raising it with her going to ruin our friendship?

OP posts:

Ginger1982 · 15/03/2018 08:25

Wow. I would feel massively betrayed!

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 15/03/2018 09:45

No, that is massively Not On.

Gemini69 · 15/03/2018 10:46

just imagine the intimate pillow talk between them both... at your expense... every single word you spoken to her in confidence.. would have been shared with him in bed... oh and the laughs they must have had at your not realising they were together intimately...

they are disgusting .. but she is MORE disgusting because is your best friend.. you confided in her trusted her in your most vulnerable state and used you for information that she would relishly share with the scum bag you had gotten rid of......

I'd tell her exactly why she was no longer welcome in your life .. there is no room for Tramps

demirose87 · 15/03/2018 10:55

It was 12 years ago. You have moved on and so has she. She's likely to have changed in that amount of time. I would let this go, it's in the past.

demirose87 · 15/03/2018 10:58

By the way I'm not saying you must stay friends with her. By all means of you feel you can't, then let the friendship end.

But I really wouldn't be getting worked up over this years later. You have a husband and children now and your ex is irrelevant.

LanguidLobster · 15/03/2018 11:11

Ex would probably tell her you know, wouldn't he?

Any ideas as yet if you want to bring it up with her?

Gemini69 · 15/03/2018 11:24

you cannot trust someone like that in your life... EVER

ddrmum · 15/03/2018 11:45

I couldn't trust someone who would do that to me. My best friend is an important person in my life & to think she would sleep with my ex of 1wk and continue to do so for over a year - saying nothing! No, I would have to say something and she would have to go. It's the betrayal that I could never get over. Is your current dp/th on her radar? Who knows, but why pur temptation in her way? She has no respect for you.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/03/2018 12:01

I'm with Lobster.

I wouldn't actually like her after that.

For me it wouldn't be a case of 'can I forget/forgive?' - it's just much simpler - someone who could be so fucking devious and decetiful - lying and lying to the person they are supposed to be close to, about something they knew would totally affect the relationship - nope, my opinion of her would be in the gutter after that, sorry. I wouldn't like her any more, I would think she was a little shit. No matter how good a friend she'd been, it would seem pretty empty and hollow after discovering that.

Zebrathree · 15/03/2018 12:27

I don't think I would want her hanging around waiting for an opportunity with your new partner. Does he know this old friend of yours?

She sounds toxic to me I'm afraid, a good friend should have been there for you, not to jump on your ex partners bones.

PilatesSuck · 15/03/2018 13:02

I wouldnt trust her. If she could hear my heartbreak and upset and still fuck and likely chat to my ex, how could i trust she didnt tell him what i confided in her? And how could anyone do that to a friend anyway? Too much deceit.

I would ask her why OP.

StealthNinjaMum · 15/03/2018 13:24

If I saw one of my friends was repetitively shagging my other friend's ex while being her confidant I would think what a bitch and would try to distance myself from her.

If I discovered that one of my friends had repetitively shagged MY ex while being my confidant there are no words to express how angry and let down I would feel. She would be out of my life. That's just nasty and disloyal.

cremecaramelmmm · 15/03/2018 13:46

I know someone who did this to a friend of hers and the friend still (as far as I know) doesn't know. She still acts as a friend to her as well! The only reason I haven't told her is because I don't live near by and haven't seen her for some time. The same person came to my home to stay and started flirting around MY husband when I'd not long had a baby! Obviously an ex friend now! Some people can't be trusted. Utter snakes IMO, I wouldn't want anything to do with her. She's not your friend.

cheekymare · 15/03/2018 13:47

Is her name Amanda?!!

Trinity66 · 15/03/2018 13:51

Oh that's pretty bad, not much of a friend imo

FizzyGreenWater · 15/03/2018 14:07

The same person came to my home to stay and started flirting around MY husband when I'd not long had a baby!

See, that's the other thing.

Pretty much everyone on here agrees it's an utterly devious, awful thing to do. She's dishonest.

So - objectively - to keep her as a friend would be a bad idea. She was happy to do this to you then - chances are, she'd do the dirty on you again if she felt it benefited her. You would be silly to keep her as a close or trusted friend, and you know she will always be someone who was happy to make a fool out of you.

So no no no.

Original poster

upsideup · 15/03/2018 18:15

Me and ex have slowly over the years had to begin friendly contact again becausse I have continued to be step mum to his dd. From what he has said when I asked him about it (I beleive him because I think now he would have no reason to lie but of course he could be) it was just regular sex not a relationship and after the year they both met someone else and they have had no contact in the last 10. He said from his part it was to hurt me or get one up on me, which I mean he's is an idiot but we broke up, he could sleep with whoever he wanted and I did petty things to get back at him after the breakup too , its the fact my best friend was willing to assist him in doing this that suggests at that time atleast didnt like or care about me at all.
I am going to have to talk to her about it, I want answers and her side of the story but whatever she says I am going to have to distance myself from her, shes not the friend I thought she was. Because we live so far away from each over now that proberly means the end of her friendship which I am just going to have to accept.
Thankyou for all the replies

OP posts:

Certcert · 15/03/2018 19:36

So, how do your enemies treat you?

Certcert · 15/03/2018 19:44

The thing is, OP, she wasn't emotionally there for you. She pretended to be there for you, whilst sleeping with someone you were heart-broken over. It's creepy as well as all the other, obvious negatives.

Hellywelly10 · 15/03/2018 19:48

I'm sorry op. I think you need to confront her.

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