How would you feel if DH/DP made enquiries to track down an ex-girlfriend from years ago?

[WartyVenus]

If you found out that your DH/DP had got back in touch with an ex, and in order to get her details had actually been making enquiries of old friends - ie deliberate attempt to track her down - how would you feel?

Am v reg mumsnetter, btw - name-changing for confidentiality reasons.

What reason does he have to contact her?

depends why he is tracking her down i guess. initially id be hurt and cross.

I don't know, I really don't. I am pretty sure there has been absolutely no contact between them for as long as we've been together.

I'd be annoyed to say the least. How do you know he is doing this, what do you think his reasons are - did they have a long-term relationship - what do you know??

my exh got in touch with one and went away with her for her birthday before we split

i wasn't v happy about it, for some reason he couldnt understand why

How have you found out that this is what he has been doing?

actually, she got in touch with him now i think about it, but he still went away with her

multitasker, I saw an email which I read (and I know I shouldn't have read it, but I recognised her name).

Pissed off and wanting answers.

i'd feel fine,

he'd have bloody sore bollocks but id feel fine

You think it's something out of the ordinary then? Something that genuinely does warrant concern?

Have you been stewing on this for a while? I'd just have to ask dh wtf??
And I mean if the tables were turned I know he'd do the same.

Would be seriously pissed off, especially if I had found out by mistake rather than it be told about it beforehand.

eeeeerm..yes!

Sorry wartyvenus but can't but laugh at mamazon

I only found out this weekend.

Why would he want to do this now? Is it some kind of midlife crisis, do you think?

yes i would be concerned and very angry. I've had boyfirnds in the past who I have remained friends with and that's one thing (plus they weren't deep and meanigful relationships we weren't in love) but to actively seek out an ex that's strange to me

Yes. For us this would be out of the ordinary, certainly. I think you should ask him what he is doing, neutrally and without accusing him of anything. But I don't like the secrecy aspect. If he has a good reason, which is quite possible, he needs to tell you about it and reassure you.

yes, exactly tub

I've got one friend as well who is sort of an ex whom I still see, DH used to play football with him so we all kind of know each other.

But I think this is different.

Talk to him, WV. Ask him.

He definitely should not have tried to track her down without speaking with you first.

Yes, I think I will have to. But then I will have to 'fess up to reading his emails. Which is not going to go down well.