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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How would you feel if DH/DP made enquiries to track down an ex-girlfriend from years ago?

43 replies

WartyVenus · 07/05/2007 11:52

If you found out that your DH/DP had got back in touch with an ex, and in order to get her details had actually been making enquiries of old friends - ie deliberate attempt to track her down - how would you feel?

Am v reg mumsnetter, btw - name-changing for confidentiality reasons.

OP posts:

LieselVentouse · 07/05/2007 12:07

Id be okay - I got in touch with an ex and it didnt bother him.

willywonka · 07/05/2007 12:07

Why were you reading his e-mails? Were you already suspicious of something?

iota · 07/05/2007 12:08

might it just be idle curiousity? It's so easy to look up old friends, exes etc on the internet - I've done it myself, in a bored moment.

An ex-bf and some people from uni have got in touch we me a few yrs back and that's after about 20 yrs.

I am happily married BTW

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/05/2007 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WartyVenus · 07/05/2007 12:14

We share a computer and to get into my emails you have to go into his first and then click on Switch Identity.

My attention was just caught by seeing her name! I wouldn't normally read his emails, no.

OP posts:

Original poster

WartyVenus · 07/05/2007 12:15

iota, that's interesting - you seem a bit more low-key about it - maybe I am getting my knickers in a twist over nothing.

OP posts:

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/05/2007 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iota · 07/05/2007 12:17

to me, it would appear that he feels that he has nothing to hid or he would have deleted the emails or stored them in another folder, because he knows that you log on via his email

bran · 07/05/2007 12:22

Depends on why really. I've been emailing an ex that I went to school with because I know that he has kids in the school that I'm thinking about sending ds to. All perfectly innocent, and only minimal flirting (he's a flirty sort of person).

KVG · 07/05/2007 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 07/05/2007 13:21

I've tracked down all my exes. I'm nosy. Wanted to know what they were up to. Have no urge to shag any of them. And find it quite odd that Mr Inferior hasn't done the same.

DivaSkyChick · 07/05/2007 14:01

If you ask him, aside from getting cross that you read his email, he'll simply say he was curious (which could of course be true). He'll poo poo your concerns and make you feel (mostly) better. And then he'll be more careful with future emails if need be.

I'd keep my mouth shut and just watch that space, personally.

My DH and I have a policy on emails, texts, etc. We know each other's passwords to everything and are welcome into each other's emails whenever we wish. I am paranoid and read his if anything thing looks interesting. He's also very disorganized so I regularly have to remind him of stuff he's committed to, which I would only know from reading his email! I also feel a little guilty when I do but he never blinks. He never reads mine, though. I think that means he trusts me but it could just mean he can't be bothered!

lovemybed · 07/05/2007 14:06

what kind of a girlfriend was this, if it wss a huge relationship that meant a lot to him then i would prob be pissed of, if it was some girl he seen at high school for a couple of months i would put it down to him wondering how her life had turned out.

lupo · 07/05/2007 22:06

mmm, dont wont to worry you but I contacted my first real love about a year ago, because dh and i going through a rough patch and began to feel that ex was the one that got away etc and the real love of my life,

your dh attempt to contact ex may be total innocent, but mine was due to going through a rubbish time with dh and wondering what might have been

tobysmumkent · 07/05/2007 23:05

Message withdrawn

kama · 30/05/2007 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

babygrand · 31/05/2007 00:05

Kama, I am also in touch (albeit infrequently) with various exes. However, dh isn't with his, so I suppose I can't comment on how I would feel about that.

purpleduck · 31/05/2007 00:44

I'm in touch with one of mine, my dh is not in touch with any although he didn't really have any serious gf's before me (he says i'm much better looking too -i believe him ) But, ask this: if he loved her, wouldn't it be an indication of him having a good heart that he {may} still care about her in some small way? I still care about my exes, but i don't love my husband any less. I think its a cold person who can just switch emotions off (obviously unless terrible things happened)
BTW, last time i saw my ex,(we live on different continents ffs!!!) his wife was terribly jealous. I think they must not have a very solid relationship.
Encourage him, support him, and if he meets up with her, make sure you go along and are completely fabulous!!!!

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