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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Buying a house together. Different levels of wealth

43 replies

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 07:58

Hi all

Me and dp are still in the early stages of this, not discussed in great detail, he wants us to buy a house together in the next year. He has never owned a house, I have my main house, a second home and I’m renting a flat.

He has no deposit at the moment, so is giving it himself a year to save up. I guess I would sell one of my houses as having three is excessive, that said I might keep them and stop renting the flat.

Anyway, from what I understand so far he wants us to buy somewhere 50/50 although on his average wage and us paying somewhere 50/50 we wouldn’t get somewhere as nice as the places I already own. Sorry I don’t really want to do that.

I know first world problems etc but would b great to have some input before making a big decision.

We have been together 5 years no children yet, still in our mid twenties.

OP posts:

Changedname3456 · 13/03/2018 08:04

Does it have to be 50:50? If you earn more and can put a bigger deposit down then why not do that? Get an agreement in place for an equity split (if you break up) that reflects the difference and pay the mortgage payments between you in the same % basis.

Or is he feeling a bit touchy about the difference in earnings?

annandale · 13/03/2018 08:05

Given the stamp duty situation, why would you not move into one of your current properties? Wouldn't you save thousands, more than he could possibly save in a year?

Are you planning to get married? I actually like him first wanting a 50/50 start but I agree it's difficult for you to take such a big step back.

TheNaze73 · 13/03/2018 08:05

Just tread really carefully OP & don’t accept second best. Might be worth taking legal advice too to protect you if things go TU.
Can only comment on L&SE house prices but, is his year to save for a deposit realistic??
I don’t think I could do what you’re planning upon reflection, I’m struggling to see what he brings to the party.

category12 · 13/03/2018 08:07

Why doesn't he buy alone? You're well sorted.

MinnieMousse · 13/03/2018 08:09

DP and I bought as tenants on common. He paid for the lion's share and I own a much smaller percent age. I was happy with this when we first bought but now have DC, we are going to change to joint ownership as if he passed his share to me when he died, it may go over the inheritance tax threshold, which it wouldn't do if we owned jointly.

MinnieMousse · 13/03/2018 08:11

Sorry, that should say tenants in common.

arsenaltilidie · 13/03/2018 08:11

If your Deposit plus Mortgage equates to £300k and his is £200k then you own 60% of the property and he owns 40%.
Split stamp duty and fees 60/40.

ginch · 13/03/2018 08:14

Sell a property, use that as a deposit and have a deed of trust drawn up to protect your investment in the event of a split. 50/50 division on the mortgage.

All bets are off if you marry, so be very sure.

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:15

Changedname3456, thanks that’s not a bad idea make it sound easy :). He is quite aware and I think it makes him feel a bit small, :( so he always wants to split everything. Bless him. I will run this by him, he might only end up owning an eighth of the house which might be a bit Much for him to take. Let’s see what he says.

I did think maybe I could buy a house for us to live in and not charge him anything.

Could all be academic if we end up getting married and having children soon.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:18

Ah stamp duty! Yes that could be as much as his part of the mortgage.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:21

We are in an expensive part of the SE, he couldn’t buy a 1 bed flat with his salary. :(. Not saying he is on min wage, far from it l, property is so expensive.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:22

I did think about getting some legal advice but felt bad about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:27

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Minnie, great to hear you were happy with that. Will google deed of trust thank you.

OP posts:

AnnabelleLecter · 13/03/2018 08:30

Do you rent out your other two houses?
If you could raise a deposit anyway, I wouldn't sell them unless I had too.

Fishface77 · 13/03/2018 08:34

I wouldn’t marry him.
He’ll take half of everything you’ve got.
But I’m a big cynic.

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:35

No I don’t rent them out, they are my homes, I use them regularly.

I’d be too scared to rent them out.

OP posts:

ginch · 13/03/2018 08:42

You must get legal advice OP, I nagged my DD until she did. Several years down the line she's very thankful because as you say, here in the SE it's huge amounts of money we're talking about.

The nicest people can change so much when money's involved and things go wrong.

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:48

Fishface, difficult one. That is obviously a possibility, although he likes to pay his own way etc.

Think it would be easier for me to buy us somewhere or move into one of my houses and not charge him. He would have more money and we live in a nicer house.

Not really sure how I can protect my interests if we do get married. He isn’t pushing for marriage, what man is :D, but would be nice to b married when we have children. Maybe that doesn’t make financial sense.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 08:51

Thanks ginch I think I will. I assume a local legal practice will be able to help me.

What did your dd do to protect herself if you don’t mind.

OP posts:

namechangersgalore · 13/03/2018 08:59

Are you sure you are ready to buy a property together? You don't sound like you trust him every much tbh and it comes across as you pitying him, saying things like bless him is very patronising, he is not a fucking puppy. I think you two sound incompatible and you will lord it over him forever, sorry. If it was a man on here asking the same question about his wife, he would get very different responses such as 'family money'.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 13/03/2018 09:11

I have been in a similar situation, with the difference that my ex owned 2 houses which he didn’t want to sell and wanted us to buy a “together house” and, I owned a house that was much better than anything we could afford if we went for an strict 50/50.

We spent 2 years looking at houses and IMO we couldn’t find ANYTHING for the price he wanted that was better than my house or justified all the uprooting and commuting it was going to be for the three of us so I choose to let him go and I haven’t looked back.

I refused simply to uproot myself and my child, to reduce our standard of living and live in a place that was much further away from both of our jobs so he could be reassured that we were into it 50/50.

It was all about control, not about meeting the needs of the 2 adults and child. It was simply a “we all be much worse off but at least we will be equal”. That didn’t float my boat.

ginch · 13/03/2018 09:12

She upped her mortgage on her flat to get a deposit for a joint house, her deposit was calculated as a percentage of the cost of the new property and in the event of a split that percentage of the value of the property would be hers, and any thing else divided equally.

So the person who pays nothing towards the deposit still gains from any price rises and gets to live in a better house than they could afford otherwise. If you marry it becomes irrelevant.

Original poster

Happydays9 · 13/03/2018 09:15

namechangersgalore, not true at all, I don’t think little of him because of this. I don’t lord it over him at all, this is the only time I have really had to think about it.

Yes I do need to think things through, the posters are right, this isn’t small money.

He isn’t poor, I don’t feel sorry for him. He earns about 30k a year, it’s just that a 3 bed terrace where I live is 850k in a nice street.

Day to day stuff is fine.

OP posts:

GOODCAT · 13/03/2018 09:17

To protect yourself if you marry you should have a pre nup. Without one it is as though you hand over at least 50% of your assets on your wedding day. The pre nup can agree what would happen if say you had kids and wanted to give him protection if he stayed at home or got sick.

Marriage is a financial partnership if you don't pick the terms you get the default on any split the starting point of which is 50/50. With such a disparity at the outset you would be incredibly resentful if you divorced and had to give him a whole house and a half. I know I would be in your position.

kubex · 13/03/2018 09:17

If you already own 2 properties in your own name, why not buy a smaller house together?

I think it's nice that he wants somewhere 50/50 and I honestly can't see the issue with starting small.

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