The last thing I need is another blow now, but I dont want to live with my head in the clouds. Ive had big problems with my mother (see the long-running thread), and then my MIL turned out to be a toxic control freak.
These days I donT know whether im coming or going but think my husband may be up to no good. I really hope Im just being paranoid, but my hunches have proved me right every single time in the past I dont even know if I can leave him even if he is, because I live in a foreign country (his country) where foreigners don`t have custody rights. I would rather stay married to him that get into a custody battle that I would probably lose, because I have no money and his family is loaded.
But anyway, this is what I have seen:
We met in university as mature students in the UK. There were lots of girls in the dorm where we met and we all got along well, and had a laugh. They were from his country. We all kept in touch after leaving, and I would say they are our mutual friends. He communicates with them more than me because they share the same language, and I was closer to some other friends on my course.
I dont have any male friends except for 1 gay friend from school and my brothers because I dont "get" the platonic friendship thing, but I know others do so Ive never minded the fact his friends are girls. Most of the girls including me have got married now. Anyway, the past few months he has mentioning one girl (M) now and again. She has been texting him with her news and things that she has been doing. She recently invited him onto an internet community, where they all share their news. Its not chatting, but more like posting a diary. I cant join because I donT speak their language. M is in her thirties and not married. Shes very attractive, and I would say shes his type. There was a national holiday here this week and everyone gets a week off work. DH told me that M has asked to come to ours for a holiday (we live in a lovely area by the sea). She tends to travel to meet people randomly because she has the money. She often goes to a foreign country or travelling to meet people. I was excited for her to come because I like having guests and showing people around our area. Me and DH were both excited for this visit, and arranged to do loads of sightseeing. AS the time for her to come drew closer, DH started getting lots of texts, sometimes late at night, like 11:30. Once I think he lied to me, saying he was getting special offers from the DVD rental shop, but he forgot that Im also a member, so I would have been getting the text too.
Anyway, she arrived. It was fun showing her around. But once I left the shower and they were on the sofa and they both shifted their position as I got walked into the room, as if they were getting up because I was there. It looked suspicious.
I have 7 month old DD so I was getting very tired looking after her constantly plus the sightseeing. After going to a restaurant one night I was really tired, but they were talking about getting a DVD to watch. It was already 10:00pm, so I said Id go to bed. THey dropped me off with the baby, and went to get a DVD (2 minutes from our house by car). I lied awake in bed waiting for them to come back, and it was about an hour later when they arrived. THey were laughing and joking in the living room, and when I walked in there was no "hi come and join us". They had a STarbucks coffee, so I knew they had been for a drive because STarbucks is miles away. I lay awake pondering all night. The next morning I couldnt look her in the eye. I offered her breakfast, but she said shed rather wait until DH woke up so we could eat together (she is a bit posh like that). I quietly had it out with DH in the bedroon, and asked him how hed feel if I went driving around with a man. He did look genuinely suprised, and said he just thought it was like being a student again, watching DVDs together. SO I cheered up and enjoyed her last day, thinking I was being paranoid.
WE dropped her at the airport yesterday morning, and she texted him in the afternoon to say thanks. He read out the (long) text for me.
Then late last night about 11:30 again, his phone received a message. He tried to ignore it, but I told him "youVe just got a message", He looked a bit suspicious. I looked at the phone and it said her name. I said "go on, read it out then". He read out bits, something about her wanting to meet his mum and dad next time . I couldnT sleep last night again.
This morning I told him I dont trust him and Im watching him with M. He got pissed off and left for work.
His dad has had a long-running affair that the family is just supposed to ignore, so this kind of thing exists in his family BUT he did encourage his mum to leave his dad. She chooses to sweep it under the carpet though.
In his favour:
1]He is in some ways quite innocent- he had no idea I was coming onto him when we met until I planted a kiss on his lips. He just said he never imagined I would be into him.
2]He really cares about what other people think (its his culture) so he may well have been trying to be hospitable when he took her for a DVD.
What do you think on reading this? And what the fuck do I do if he is having an affair, or about to have one?