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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed that I never got anything for Mother's Day??

71 replies

Rmcni08 · 11/03/2018 08:22

So over a week ago my mother in law quite suddenly passed away. Obviously today is Mother's Day and I am very aware it's going to be an awful day for him. I wasn't expecting presents and flowers or a meal out like we normally do. But AIBU to be a little disappointed to not even get a card from my 3 children? I actually feel a bit awful being disappointed but I can't help it. Obviously I haven't said anything to him and I won't but I do feel I little sad I didn't get even a card,

OP posts:
AnnaT45 · 11/03/2018 08:55

Have you ever lost a parent? It's absolutely devastating. I lost my mum nearly two years ago and I can't face going anywhere near the cards as I get really upset so I can't imagine how your poor DH must feel. Do you really expect him to do that a few days after his Mum died?!

You need to have some compassion and realise this nothing to do with how he views you as a mother but more that's he's just lost his own. You'll need to really support him and be understand him whilst he grieves

StewPots · 11/03/2018 08:57

My DD boyfriend stayed over last night, and he lost his mum 2 years ago so obviously in our house right now I'm not even mentioning Mothers Day. It must be incredibly painful for him poor lad, as it is for my friends who both lost Mothers way too soon.

Just know that your children love you immeasurably and that it's just one day...maybe make your "Mother's Day" a very different date for next year so there's a bit of separation. And just be there for DH today Thanks

Original poster
Rmcni08 · 11/03/2018 09:02

Actually I have lost both my parents myself so I know exactly how it feels, everyone deals with things differently i understand that which is why I came on here to talk about it and not bring it up to him. I feel incredibly daft that I feel disappointed over a card but I do and I can't help that but that doesn't mean I'm going to kick off at my other half or stop supporting him!

OP posts:
sozzled · 11/03/2018 09:03

YABU.

Would you really want him to go to the shops surrounded by Mother's Day adverts, cards and gifts just after his mum has died? Even if they were estranged he must be grieving (and possibly finding it tough that they were on bad terms when she passed).

You say he normally does gifts/flowers/meal out so he obviously normally spoils you and appreciates what you do for your children. Try to let it go, be there for your partner today. 💕

craigglen · 11/03/2018 09:04

You are being unreasonable...... Losing a parent is devastating and to have to think about Mother's Day a week later would be torture.

Have a lovely day with your children and make the best of it. Gifts don't matter at a time like this.

AnnaT45 · 11/03/2018 09:05

I'm sorry you've lost your parents. Maybe that's why you're feeling low today too? It's a crap today if you're Mum has passed away.

I do get that you're upset but I just think it's a lot to expect it from DH given what's happened. Why don't you get the DCs to make you a card and do it together. Get them to tell you what they love about mummy.

Joysmum · 11/03/2018 09:05

I have plenty of empathy thanks!

Clearly not. Hmm

I’m now NC with my mother now (her choice because she’s expecting me to to continue to overcompensate for her inadequacies and would never own up to them) but as much as those of us NC know things won’t change, there’s often still a hope they could.

You morn the mother you thought you had until your illusions were blown apart and your hopes of an epithany for the future are final.

As for your empathy, your overwhelming feeling is disappointment in him, rather than in realising he’s feeling things deeply and trying to understand him. Very self centred and not at all indicative of your self proclaimed empathy Confused

Grobagsforever · 11/03/2018 09:05

YABU.

SparklyMagpie · 11/03/2018 09:07

I think having the kids make lovely pictures/cards for you would be a lovely idea.

I can understand BUT if it were me this would be the one time where I really would try and forget about it. I am so incredibly lucky to have my mum and my stepmum. My stepmum lost her mum way too early when she was little and has always found it difficult.

Get the children crafting and hopefully your feelings will pass

DenPerry · 11/03/2018 09:12

Can't stand these threads at the best of times but you're really taking the biscuit.

Coconutspongexo · 11/03/2018 09:13

Ah well at least you’ll have plenty more Mother’s days to come.
Get over it

Original poster
Rmcni08 · 11/03/2018 09:13

So you think because I have a bit of disappointment over a card I have no empathy? Clearly if I didn't I would have brought this up with my other half, which I haven't! I feel like a crap person that I feel disappointed over a card but I do and I can't help that but that doesn't mean that I have not been there for Him or that I won't continue to be. I know exactly how he is feeling I've been there myself not too long ago. But people are way too quick to jump on here with personal insults when there is absolutely no need to!

OP posts:
starryeyed19 · 11/03/2018 09:15

I think people are being really harsh, OP. It would have been nice to have had a card or something. It's a difficult time for everyone. I don't think you are being unreasonable x

LoveEricLove · 11/03/2018 09:16

I don't think you don't have empathy but I think you're self-absorbed. Not many people a few days after their partners parent died would be thinking 'what about ME'?

DownstairsMixUp · 11/03/2018 09:17

Can you not go to a harvester or something and have a meal with the kids and celebrate together? I know it's not the same as being taken out but it's nice enough. Let your husband grieve.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 11/03/2018 09:21

I think you have done the right thing coming on here to vent.

I think you're getting a hard time. You admitted you feel it's silly to feel disappointed but you do. We can't always change our feelings. You aren't making a deal of it with DP.

Vent away.

Original poster
Rmcni08 · 11/03/2018 09:22

I genuinely came on this feeling like a crap person for having some disappointed in a card to talk to others about that and ask their opinions. This is a great platform for people to share stories and ask opinions especially for someone like me who at the minute the only person I can ask normally is the one person I don't want to hurt or let know about this. I appreciate people taking the time to reply but I think it's horrible that people come on here just to hand out insults or jump on with accusations that are not true. I have not mentioned this to my other have nor will I be making him aware. I haven't done anything on him as far he's concerned it's just another day where we get up and I help him through this. I appreciate everyone's response whether it be good or bad but I really don't appreciate insults which there's not need for.

OP posts:
timeforabrewnow · 11/03/2018 09:22

I don't think you don't have empathy but I think you're self-absorbed. Not many people a few days after their partners parent died would be thinking 'what about ME'?

That

What do you want people to say? 'Oh it's okay, you are completely justified in feeling sorry for yourself because you didn't get a card'

A bit pathetic really.

Mouseville65 · 11/03/2018 09:23

If you came on here and said your partner was telling you what you can and can’t feel these women would be saying LTB yet here they are telling YOU that your awful for feeling Disappointed?! I understand where your coming from and as youv said your not going to mention it to him yanbu at all. 💐

Original poster
Rmcni08 · 11/03/2018 09:24

Thanks

OP posts:
JustmylifeA · 11/03/2018 09:24

Seriously? You have the audacity to ask this question then come back and defend yourself/challenge people when they answer your question?

It doesn’t matter what their relationship was. Good or bad, this is about your partner. If it were me I would take my husband out with kids for lunch and make it all about him and show him you’re there for him.

And for gods sake just stop.

UnicornsandRainbows1 · 11/03/2018 09:28

Even if they weren't under 6, I think this year they can be excused given that their grandmother has passed away (no matter how distant they were), and not bombard your partner with this kind of stuff. Surely that's more thoughtful and respectful?

Now given that they're not older than stated, what do you want from them? Would they/could they make cards with supervision? Your partner would probably need to be on that side of things and (unsurprisingly) most likely isn't thinking about.

Also no cards from school, we had to travel to where his mums lives on Wednesday and stayed their to Friday evening so I think they missed that in school

Really? Hmm

autumnboys · 11/03/2018 09:28

My own Dad passed away suddenly & in awful circumstances in June several years ago and Fathers Day fell between his death and his funeral. It wasn’t much fun browsing cards so that our then very small children could give DH a card & present, but I did it anyway.

Flowers
Original poster
Rmcni08 · 11/03/2018 09:29

I'm not challenging people who have answered my question if you have a look their is plenty of people who have commented that they don't agree which is perfectly fine but what I have Challenged is people coming on and insulting me or telling me what time of person I am when that is not true! Everyone is entitled to their feelings and I wish I didn't feel disappointed over a card but I don't deserve to be insulted over it!

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 11/03/2018 09:29

OP You are disappointed, you cant help that, however you are hiding it from your DH and getting on with your day which is the msture responsible thing to do. We cant always help how we feel, its how we act on those feelings that affects other people, sounds to me like you are doing fineFlowers