Handhold needed. Was I right to block and delete?

[WishfulThinking18]

Just ended an 18 month relationship as it wasn’t going anywhere.

He couldn’t commit to anything more than regular sex. So we were, really, more like FWB.

Before we started sleeping together we had been good friends. But, surprise surprise, as soon as we started having sex, he treated me the worst he’s ever done in our entire 20 year friendship.

So after yet another argument over him not giving a damn about my well being (this time it was over a recent health scare I’ve had, when he didn’t even bother to ask how it went at hospital) I decided the friendship was over.

I sent him a courtesy text letting him know that I was unhappy with his treatment of me and our friendship (the third time I have raised it in the last six months) and that I wished him well but wanted to cease contact. Then I blocked and deleted his number.

Was that too harsh? Should I have waited for him to respond?

It sounds like you've done the right thing to me. Why waste any more time on someone who can't even be arsed checking how you got on at hospital?

As for waiting for a response first, he knows where to find you if he wants to speak to you.

You've done well

Nope. Perfect response. Well done you.

No. If you feel happy and comfortable with the decision you've made then it isn't the wrong one for you. He obviously didn't value what you thought you had so for your peace of mind and moving on good on you. Onwards and upwards.

"yet another argument over him not giving a damn about my well being"

"the third time I have raised it in the last six months"

Because of this, YANBU. On the one hand it sounds like you were harsh but he clearly doesn't give a crap about you so I don't think he can claim to care now you've cut him off.

Should you have waited for him to respond? Only if you care what he thinks - and how likely is it that he would apologise and change his ways?

Sounds like you're better off without him.

Should you have waited for him to respond? Only if you care what he thinks - and how likely is it that he would apologise and change his ways?

Well, this is why I’m wondering if I should have waited because he does usually apologise and make more effort. For a while. Then goes back to radio silence until he wants sex again.

Why should you have waited? For him to apologise and then go back to treating you like shit again? He's not going to change is he.

Ok. Pretty unanimous then. I will take a deep breath and not look back.

Well done, OP. You've told him repeatedly how you feel and it hasn't made any difference. Your actions show that you are someone with good healthy boundaries

Totally did the right thing. Fuck him.

You did right.

It might be the only way he wakes up and realises that he doesn't treat women acceptably.

Or, more likely, he calls you a psycho bitch and moves on to the next woman he doesn't intend to make any effort with. You tried to make him see, but he thinks his way is normal, so you are best off out of it.

Anonymous

The reason for blocking is that the problem with these types of crumb throwers is that they have a habit of contacting you just when you’re feeling stronger. They can’t commit but can’t let you go either. By blocking, you can move on properly and not look back.

Only a shame you didn't tell him that men with a goddess/whore view are extremely unattractive before you blocked him.
YANBU - you have done him - and any women he tries this shit on - a big favour

It seems like an unnecessary scorched earth policy in some cases. Fair enough if you feel vulnerable enough to be swayed by his words, but otherwise it’s just a passive aggressive trope people inflict on those they’re pissed off with.

Anonymous, the benefit of blocking and deleting is that you're not on tenterhooks every time your phone pings in case its him, you can relax knowing that you can go about your life in peace. If your phone goes you will know that it's someone else and not feel anxiety, regardless of whether you're vulnerable to responding/giving in. If he wants to contact you he will find another way, but by blocking and deleting you preserve your sanity in the meanwhile.

Oh well done you, I think you sound great and have put yourself first which is very refreshing for the relationship board. His loss, don't look back. Sure the most lovely guy who deserves you will come along when you are ready

He couldn’t commit to anything more than regular sex

Well he was trying his best eh?!

Yes. Keep him blocked.

You’d given him plenty of warning so yes, well done. if only all women had such high standards ! This is the only way men will learn that their behaviour is unacceptable.

I've been in the same situation, good male friend who treated me like shit. I was more upset by the fact we were mates and he didn't have the balls to sit down and talk to me like a grown up.

Somehow we have managed to keep our friendship, it took a lot of fuck off's from me but he was persistent.

Just block and back off for a good long while.

Yep, mighty good of him wasn't it fizzy.

userxx

That’s exactly it. I’m more disappointed by the deterioration of the friendship than the fact that he wasn’t ready for a proper relationship. He was much more respectful we weren’t sleeping together. Twat.

*when we weren’t sleeping together

@WishfulThinking18
I’ve done a similar thing today and it feels like a weight has been lifted. I’m sure we will both have weak moments but I’m hoping to always stop and think “what would Mumsnet do” 😂
It smarts but I know from experience it doesn’t smart as much as falling for it again does.

@WishfulThinking18 yep, same here. The minute we started sleeping together he started treating me like some random woman he had met in a bar. All respect for me went out the window. One good thing is that I can see him for what he is, I have zero respect for him these days, I don't even really like him as a person. God knows why I wasted my tears on him.

@userxx

I think it’s confusing because we used to be such good friends. There was once a time when I felt like he was the best friend I had. And he pursued more than friends for ages.

Unfortunately, it turns out it was just a fantasy. Once he got me into bed, he decided he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship.

Which I totally understand and was prepared to go back to just friends again. But how that then turned into him thinking he could still have regular shags and treat me, like you say, “a random woman he just met” is what makes me recoil from any contact with him going forward.

Twat.