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Original poster

No sex really do I leave him

47 replies

Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 17:06

Age 23 been with my partner for 2.5 roughly years. before him I was very sexually active especialy with previous partners think every day even when I was due on. Met this guy and sex didn’t happen For a while Most guys my age try to have sex on the first date but he didn’t for weeks and we went on dates 3 times a week at least. I put this down to him being a gentleman and nervous. When sex did happen it’s was a bit awkward but it got better and was amazing. Never frequent enough but 2-3 times a week of amazing sex was so much more fun than ok sex every day. Sex became so infrequent that I started to mention it. At first I was hurt I felt he didn’t fancy me and that I was being rejected. He keeps saying he’s to tired for sex all the time. I’ve asked him to go to the doctors if he’s tired but he won’t. His job is office based slightly stressfull but not overly so. Everything else in our relationship is prefect except this. I’m at a loss of what to do I can’t imagine being with any body else I’ve threatend to leave a few times. But he just ends up crying saying that he loves me and is really trying but what can he do when he has no energy. My worry is that it’s bad now it will only get worse and do I want to buy a house one day and be trapped with him. I think he is depressed slightly his dad passed away when he was 15 I don’t think he’s really got over it says he dosnt think his dad would be proud of him. I tell him he would he’s on a really good wage for his age. Should I leave now. I really don’t want to as I live him
So much.

OP posts:
meme70 · 10/03/2018 17:24

Depression stress anxiety tiredness all effect sex drives
But 2-3 times a week for some is enough
You have a higher sex drive so as it’s early days it will dwindle believe me
We were having sexual 3-4 times a day 7 days a week for 6 monyhs then we lived in together and it was 2 times aday 5 years on 1-2 times a week and it’s not enough for me but as he isn’t interested I’ve lost interest and that’s bad for a relationship
My husband works 7 days a week and is exhausted but I think a relationship shouldn’t be out last so I’ve given him a time span if he doesn’t sort it out he get counselling for his work addiction

We are 40 and 48 I’m 48 aged 23 I didn’t have a sex drive couldn’t stand it but I now realise it was who I was with

Chemistry does make a difference tbh

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 17:30

Forgot to add now we haven’t had sex since new year this is Normal for him it’s months between sex

OP posts:
meme70 · 10/03/2018 17:31

It’s been months and he’s 23
I’d seriously reconsider your future as it won’t work live or no love a sexless relationship will fizzle out I tell you

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 17:32

He even compromised on using my vibrator on me and he was to tired for that last night. He gave me hints and said later he would play with me and when we got into bed he claimed he was so tired.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 10/03/2018 17:34

I sorry but threatening him if he doesn’t perform would be stressful. Can you imagine how you’d feel if he did that to you?

SandyY2K · 10/03/2018 17:35

Don't waste any more time. Your sexually incompatible....it won't get better. Cut your losses.

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 17:35

I can but what can I do I can’t prentend I’m
Happy like this. I know I will have to leave at some point if things don’t improve. I’ve suggested couples therapy but he’s not interested.

OP posts:
meme70 · 10/03/2018 17:39

Okay say to him
Do you sexually fancy me if not I would rather know as I have so many things running through my head .
If he says yes say I’m sorry fornus tonwork we have to have more sex at his age it isn’t good to be like this.
Is he on drugs do you know or medication ?

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 17:48

He’s on no medication or drugs maybe once a year as a toke of a spliff. He does fancy me sexually loves it when I dress up says how attractive I am and always likes to play with my boobs and bum. He’s like a proper teenage boy if I flash my boobs he’s will almost do anything for me

OP posts:
DextroDependant · 10/03/2018 17:55

I would leave now before you have a mortgage/children to consider.

I stayed with my ex for 5 years and I was miserable, we would always row about sex or lack of it. We are actually good friends now.

SpiceRack · 10/03/2018 17:55

wow ok Confused

I think you're just not compatible. For some people sex once every two weeks is normal and for some sex 3 times a day is normal, it depends on the person but I don't think having sex 2-3 times a week is a reason for you to put pressure on him. Maybe he has confidence issues?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/03/2018 18:00

I don't think this is anything to do with whether he fancies you or finds you sexually attractive.

It's simply that his sex drive is much, much lower than yours. He can try and keep up for a while; but it's always going to be temporary because naturally he doesn't want as much sex as you. Added to that; his sex Drive is likely to decline further with age.

It's an incompatibility. You won't be happy with less sex, he won't be happy with more. He's trying to compromise but his heart isn't in it.

Unless you can make do with much less sex, and you shouldn't have to by any means, it's a choice - there's no future here, regardless of how much you love each other. Go and meet partners more compatible with yourselves.

Candlelights · 10/03/2018 18:01

If he's tired after work, are the weekends any better? Mornings maybe? Or in the middle of the day?

Could you convince him to go to the GP about his energy levels, and mention the lack of libido? Is his diet ok? If he's eating junk, or going short of calories overall that may make him tired

Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 18:35

He’s not good in mornings always sleepy. He won’t have sex in the middle of the day as it makes him tired and ruins his afternoon. I mentioned the gp but he dosnt think they will do anything and he’s needle phobic I asked him if it was losing me or having and injection jokingly and he chose loosing me. He once got paid by family 5k for an injection he couldn’t do it. Won’t even have therapy for that

OP posts:
Original poster
Happybunny1994 · 10/03/2018 21:01

Every time I realise I’m un happy due to not even monthly sex I think about leaving him. I can’t though he really makes me happy in every other sense. Will i regret staying or regret leaving him will another relationship be better.

OP posts:
spicerack · 10/03/2018 21:08

if you feel this way after 2 years then you'll probably feel the same in 10. If you're not happy then i'd leave him. You can't spend the rest of your life with someone you're unsure of

MoreProsecco · 11/03/2018 09:04

You're 23, with your whole life ahead of you. Get out now.

Joysmum · 11/03/2018 09:10

No/infrequent sex and empty promises to an unwillingness to explore why would be a deal breaker for me.

Personally no sex wouldn’t be a deal breaker, but not addressing the issue and just accepting it would be.

crazyhead · 11/03/2018 09:16

You aren’t compatible. It is nobody’s fault but these yawning gaps in sex drive are no easily manageable. Many people who are a bit older older or with kids have v tired periods with less sex but (for me at least) that pre baby period with lots of sex was an important foundation for our relationship.

Be really gentle with him if you split up and make sure you don’t make it about this x

AJPTaylor · 11/03/2018 09:35

you have got your whole life ahead of you. honestly "older you" would tell "younger you" to go find someone who will make you properly happy.
he might find someone who is happy with him as he is.

Minus2 · 11/03/2018 09:41

Why is a young man with an office job so tired all the time?

Talith · 11/03/2018 09:44

It's probably not going to change and it's not fair to put him under pressure. It sounds like a fundamental incompatibility to me and so definitely think about your future.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 11/03/2018 09:47

He needs to be checked out medically, he shouldn't be that tired. Yes it could be stress, anxiety or depression as already mentioned, but equally it could be something physical - reduced heart function causes exhaustion, could be an underactive thyroid - could be a number of things

Minus2 · 11/03/2018 09:56

Does he had energy for other things in his life or is he just too tired for sex?

Joysmum · 11/03/2018 10:46

It's probably not going to change and it's not fair to put him under pressure

If I hadn’t pressurised my dh to go to the gp on occasion he’d still have undiagnosed diabetes, sleep apnoea, growths on his voice chords, be depressed and our marriage would have broken down.

It is fair to insist that a partner take action if needed, fair to end a relationship if they don’t.