I've nc for this. Please bare with me as I feel I need to get everything down so it all makes sense.
Married to dh, he has a dd,I have a dd and I'm pregnant also.
Dsd is a lovely girl, never had any sort of issues with her apart from the fact she's now a teenager so it's the usual mood swings that you would expect. The only odd argument dh has with his ex is over this stuff. Dsd will ask her mum for something, she says no so then dsd is straight on the phone asking dh for whatever it is. Then he will usually get a call from the ex and they bicker about it but by the end of the phone call it's sorted and they are all mates again.
Dsd would usually spend the day with us tomorrow (she comes to us every Friday - Sunday one weekend then just a Sunday the weekend after so she gets part of a weekend with her friends)
Tomorrow is Mother's Day and yesterday dsd rang dh and said shes spending Mother's Day with her mum (we already knew this and assumed she wasn't coming this weekend) and could she come tonight instead. Dh said he's working today and that she's more than welcome to come tonight and he would drop her off first thing tomorrow with her mum but he cannot collect her tonight as I'm at work - like I am every Saturday night - and her mum would have to drop her off.
Dsd said she would ask her mum. Dsds mum (the ex) never ever does pick ups or drop offs. It's never been a problem however about 2 years ago she moved about 45 mins away (the reason dh can't collect her tonight, it takes about 2 hours and I have to leave for work as he comes home pretty much) from us and she just won't help out. That's fine, dh does it all - it's not worth the argument.
So it gets to 11pm last night and me and dh are just going to bed and he gets a text from her. Basically saying how much he's upset dsd because she can't come tonight and why should she be expected to drop her off. Dh replies that he hadn't upset dsd, she was fine, and that he wanted her to come, it's just that he couldn't collect her with me being at work. The ex knows this. It's obviously not the usual day she comes to us so there's not much we can do.
Anyway the texts from her just got worse. She then sent another text saying 'maybe you should stop having kids if you can't handle dd'. That angered me. Dh replied saying not to bring our baby into any argument as our baby is nothing to do with her (that's probably where he went wrong but I did suggest he send that message).
Then the next time came 'have you beat her up yet, like you did me?' meaning me. I just froze. I said nothing and got up and left the bedroom. It was the worst feeling. Dh laughed at first and said 'is she for real?' He said something else but I didn't catch it as I went into the bathroom.
I sat in there for a couple of minutes and then went back to the bedroom with tears steaming down my face. I asked if he had replied and he showed me. He said 'can you explain to me when that happened please? I never laid a finger on you and you know it, tell me when I did that'
Then his attention turned to me as I was very very upset. He said he totally understood my reaction and that he promised he never did anything.
She never replied to his message. We could see that she read it though. About 1am she replied totally ignoring it saying it will only be dd that misses out this weekend. He didn't reply and he still hasn't.
I didn't get a wink of sleep. I've just been laid awake wondering what the hell is going on and what made her say that.
I have never seen dh get violent. Not once have I ever been scared of him or worried that he might hurt me. We've had some pretty big arguments in our time too. But never anything that has turned remotely violent.
He has no criminal record.
And what I don't get the most is dh and the ex have a pretty good relationship. She's with her dp and has 2 more daughters. They all came to our wedding. She asked dh to do some work on her house and he's done it. He's always going round doing little jobs for them. Sometimes she will invite him in for a coffee when he drops dsd off or picks her up.
Even her mum and dad get on great with him. If they have parties, we get an invite. Dh always goes in for a chat if he drops dsd off with her nana.
I get on well with her (or did do, not so sure how I feel right now). When we told her I was pregnant, she was so pleased for us.
I just don't get it. I can't see them having this type of relationship if dh was violent to her. But why would she say it? I do think she had been drinking but still....it's really messed with my head.
I can't figure out if it's more the thought of dh beating me up. They thought had never once crossed my mind but now I can't get it out of my head. And it's horrible.
Dh is the most loving man I've ever met. He's so affectionate. Even when we have argued, he will still hold my hand or put his hand on my leg while we watch tv in silence because we aren't speaking. He always cuddles me, always kisses me. This morning he came in for a cuddle as he always does and i flinched :-( he put his hand on my tummy (baby) and I didn't like it. I didn't push him away but I didn't put my hand on his like I usually would.
Now he's gone to work and I'm here wondering what to think. This argument just came out of no where and I'm totally on dhs side regarding that he cannot pick dsd up on a Saturday night. All week she said she wasn't coming this weekend so we never assumed there would be a problem. There's nothing we can do about it. But why the hell did she get so argumentative? She started off bringing our baby into it and now this?
Dh assured me again this morning that he's telling the truth and even he didn't know how to react to that message. He is so upset about it but more worried about what it's done to me.
They split up about 10 years ago now. They were both very young at the time. Dh said they were just constantly breaking up and getting back together until they realised it was no good for dsd so they split permanently.
I never would of married a man I thought was violent or had even shown me hints of violence. I consider myself a sensible person with a good head on my shoulders. My ex (dds dad) was an emotional abuser big time and broke my trust completely. Dh brought it back.
So yeah....that's it. I just feel so shaken by that message. Something I would never ever expect. Sorry this is so long but I wanted to explain everything to make sure it comes across how it should. I don't even know what to think. Nothing adds up.