Help telling my husband?

[MyNamesAreAllTaken]

Hey all. I’ve name changed because this is fucking embarrassing.
My husband has indulged in some questionable behaviours in the past, but years ago, before we even married and had kids. I thought nowadays we were in a pretty good place.
We also are kind of swingers. We go to a club sometimes and have arranged threesomes before through a site we are both members of. However, he tells me he has no interest in having sex with other people himself, he only wants to watch me do it. Although it can be fun I do it mostly for him; I’d be happy being completely monogamous if he changed his mind. I only ever want to meet guys if my husband is there too. I’ve asked him lots of times if he actually wants an open relationship or anything. He says no.
I suppose I have been a bit concerned with his moods lately. So I checked his phone when he forgot it today.
He has a secret profile on the site we are on. Looking for men, women or couples.
I think it’s wrong. Surely he’s looking to cheat? Or it wouldn’t be a secret. But I feel it’s complicated because we don’t have a “typical” marriage anyway. So... I’m asking
can I be upset by this? I feel like I’m absolutely losing my shit to be honest. I don’t know what to do. And I can’t think of what to tell him.
Sorry for the essay. If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful to hear it.

Are you joking??

This is one of the worst I've heard, and I've been around domestic abuse for decades.

You sound lovely, but it does sound as though you need to be strong and leave him

Okay today you secretly apply for benefits and housing benefits since it's rented it should take two weeks to come through when you have confirmation you change the locks and if he try's to come in you tell the police this is what your describing very very wrong having money for sex and your not enjoying it etc

Do the Freedom Programme. Go along to the course, it's better than doing it on line.

That should clarify to you what's going on. You'll also meet some great women, as well as get a lot of info and tips about how to make the break.

Thanks springydaff. I’m going to look at that now.
My husband seems to be unable to realise he’s done anything wrong. He thought it would be ok because of what I do. Yeah, what I do that he asks me!!!
I don’t know I guess this time is like the final straw I am actually disgusted by this guy now. I feel very angry and upset and I think it’s going to be very hard but I also feel somewhat free. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve not slept enough and make no sense

I am so angry at his lack of responsibility for his behaviour though!! How can anyone possibly think it’s acceptable?? I am so so cross. He’s acting like an idiot, he must know he’s been a dick. He told me not to text him today while he’s at work. Like, what?? I’m so annoyed he even said it. Why say that? It irrationally annoyed me, I didn’t want to talk to him. How do I stop being so angry??

Use your anger to give you the push you need to get away from this awful man.

It IS bad enough. Your husband is pimping you out to get a kick out of it. It's disgusting and my abusive ex was similar. I mention him a lot but I find it cathartic and I hope sharing helps. He was similar in the sense he wanted me to have sex with men while he watched, he wanted me to go to sex clubs, when I was desperately ill with flu he put porn on all 3 of the televisions. Worst of all was the pimping out, on the second time with same man I was threatened with rape and murder. I went home in tears and my boyfriend/pimp nowhere to be seen, when he showed up I was on the floor saying I couldn't do it again. That it wasnt who I was. I'm sure that's not who you are either.
This is a major red flag for a sexually abusive monster OP. A loving husband does not accept money from sexually exploiting you.
You need to get the hell away. I did and it's the best decision, other than having my kids, I've ever made. You won't regret leaving but you'll regret staying when it's a year from now and nothing has changed. You can do this OP, the light is switched on and you know what you have to do. Be strong and stay safe.

Have you looked at www.entitled2.co.uk to see what benefits you could qualify for without him.

It turned out we could qualify for child tax credit anyway. I’m going to get that paid into my own bank account and not even tell him about it. That way I can try and save some money. Escape money I’m calling it.

Well done op. Keep going!

so last night I asked if he has actually had sex with anyone else, he says no. I am inclined to believe he hadn’t yet BUT clearly the intention is there or you’d not bother being on these websites.

are you mad, of course he's having sex with other people, he sounds addicted to it all; I really hope you get some space from him so you can see how vile this whole situation is.

Yeah I don’t really know what happened, it’s like this time I just was done. Felt very clearheaded after the initial shock that things were not how I thought.
Feeling quite emotional tonight though. I’ve not slept well the last couple nights and the kids have obviously still been full of beans and I’m worn out and feeling a bit down I suppose. It’s like a mad rollercoaster .