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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Other half cheating

29 replies

Lifesaheadache · 06/03/2018 21:23

First time posting.
Just found out that my OH is shagging some tart. Not the first time. Checked messenger and he had bought viagra from a mate, checked his work bag and found it. Looked at his browser history and he has booked a spa break for two.
I want to kick him out. Hate the bastard.
We are not married, I am a sahm with two kiddies. Going to sort cv out and apply for jobs. Should I keep quiet until I am more sorted.
Any advice please.

OP posts:
ItsNotJustMe · 06/03/2018 21:26

Don't have much advice but wanted to say how sorry I am and how strong I think you're being. Have you got mates or family you can lean on? What an utterly shite situation.
I'd be getting documents together.

Anonagain2017 · 06/03/2018 21:30

What is your home situation? Do you jointly own your home or rent etc?
Not being married makes things much more clean-cut but if you jointly own your home, unfortunately you can't force him out.

NotLinkedInSnowedIn · 06/03/2018 21:33

Not being married is bad in the sense that you have fewer rights. Is it his house? As you're not married and you're a sahm, I"d leave a post it note on the fridge telling him you'll be in touch for maintenance, go back to your parent(s) house if possible. Start job-hunting from there.

NotLinkedInSnowedIn · 06/03/2018 21:34

When is the spa break?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 06/03/2018 21:37

Slip a pill in his breakfast coffee....

PussGirl · 06/03/2018 21:39

I'd be very tempted to turn up to the spa break & introduce myself to the other woman.

She probably isn't a tart BTW, though I can see why you might think that.

He will have told her you don't have sex / you don't understand him / you have an open relationship if indeed he has told her he is in a relationship at all.

Original poster
Lifesaheadache · 06/03/2018 22:20

Thanks for the replies.

The ‘tart’ comment was because I’m angry. But if she is a work colleague, he works with a lot of women, then she’ll know he has a family.

Our house is in both our names. We had a document drawn up when we bought the house that we get our deposits back (he put more in than me) and half the equity. I will have a large deposit but as house prices are very high I would need a big mortgage which I won’t get. He did make a comment a few weeks ago that I would have to spend all my equity on rent, which he found quite amusing.

My parents aren’t local and I couldn’t live with them unfortunately and I don’t want to take the kids away from their friends.

I don’t know when the spa break is as his tablet needed charging, so will do more snooping tomorrow. My sister did say she would turn up!

April good idea!

OP posts:
OrangeCrush19 · 06/03/2018 22:42

I’m guessing you’ve already thought of this - but how do you know the viagra and spa break aren’t for you..?

Original poster
Lifesaheadache · 06/03/2018 23:24

No I’m certain it isn’t.

He has been sleeping in the spare room. He got home from work later than usual the other day, which made me suspicious. This happened last time he was sleeping with a work colleague. The tablets were hidden in his bag he uses for work, which I will keep an eye on. He also has one in his wallet.

He has never arrange a surprise break for me.

OP posts:
Bastardingcough · 06/03/2018 23:26

Kick him to the curb! What an arse. Don't put up with the cheating AGAIN.

Original poster
Lifesaheadache · 06/03/2018 23:30

No I’m not going to. Have stayed with him because the kids would be devastated if we split up. But can’t do this anymore. I’ve been so unhappy. Maybe this is the kick up the butt I need.

OP posts:
Jon66 · 06/03/2018 23:30

Get a few valuations on the house without his knowledge. Work out whether you can go back to work and start looking for jobs. Try to put money aside, at least 3 or 4 thousand in case you need to rent. Find out what child maintenance you will be able to get out of him and also if he leaves pay slips laying around or bank statements keep some copies. Then when you have worked your finances out you will be in a position to move forward how YOU choose.

Original poster
Lifesaheadache · 07/03/2018 06:48

Will do Jon66, thanks. Although house needs decorating and stuff doing, which won’t get done as he doesn’t do anything. Plus if he buys me out it’s in his favour if valuations are low.

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 07/03/2018 06:54

Hang on, if you’ve got kids you may very well have the right to stay there until they are old enough - and he pays his contribution towards the mortgage.

I suggest you see a solicitor ASAP.

MrsElvis · 07/03/2018 07:03

I'd quietly gather, allow him to slag off to his spa night and change the locks while he's there as well as your sister turning up

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 07/03/2018 08:02

See a solicitor, you can have free consultation for an hour with most firms !

springydaff · 07/03/2018 08:29

Half an hour not an hour

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/03/2018 11:16

Sorry to hear this, OP, use your anger to power you through.

Another suggestion for getting legal/financial advice ASAP. If you are SAHM with the kids, you should stay in the house and boot the cheating bastard out.

Original poster
Lifesaheadache · 07/03/2018 19:28

Just gets better. A package arrived for him today. He took it upstairs and I heard him hide it under the bed. Just been upstairs to look. Guess what it is? A pink vibrator.

And he’s working overtime for two mornings next week (days he would be off).... or is he? The spa breaks he was looking at were for just a morning for 2. He hadn’t book anything yet as I checked this morning. He had set the website so it remembered his password. But will check again tomorrow as he’s probably booked it now or maybe just a hotel room somewhere now he’s got some toys.

I’m just so angry, but can’t say anything yet. How can I stop myself!
Will be speaking to a solicitor.

I can’t believe this is happening. Angry

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 07/03/2018 19:52

Open the vibrator, soak it inside, dry it out and repack. Nowt worse than one that doesn't work!!

Hughlauriesstubble · 07/03/2018 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zazzleza · 07/03/2018 20:05

What a complete prick! How brazen to get gifts for the tart delivered to your family home?!
He sounds like a cocky nasty piece of shit.
Destroy him. Take him for every penny you can.
Get as much evidence and legal advice as possible, pack his stuff (or burn it) and change the locks. Let him argue his right to the family home.

loveyoutothemoon · 07/03/2018 20:17

How can you be sure the spa break and vibrator aren't for you?

Original poster
Lifesaheadache · 07/03/2018 20:50

It’s not for me. He’s checking on me when I go upstairs and nearly caught me in the spare room taking a photo of the vibrator!

From his behaviour I know he’s upto something. He’s a bastard, hate him.

Hoping tomorrow I can check his emails to find a confirmation for this spa break or hotel or whatever he is planning.

I just want to know who this OW is.

OP posts:
Anonagain2017 · 07/03/2018 21:57

God I am so sorry he is doing this to you. You sound like a strong woman. Keep that strong level head on you. Sometimes knowledge is power and although it might be killing you inside to now say anything, revenge is best served cold.