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Original poster

Anyone ever had a bit of a backslide with an ex?

30 replies

elliejack85 · 06/03/2018 16:23

I'm married, pretty happily, but the non parenting side of our relationship could use a bit of attention, nothing major.
I have a sort of ex.. we never actually dated but we slept together on and off in our early twenties and we've always kept in touch, although sometimes with years in between. Our chat of late has gotten explicit. To be fair this is our pattern, we go a few years, have a catch up, chat as friends and then we'll start chatting about past exploits and it'll get flirty and then we cross the line and before you know it, naked snapchats all over the place.
We'd never work in a relationship, so I'm not tempted to run off with him but I'm wondering if maybe a final night together would get him out of my system. Maybe nostalgia is giving me an overly generous impression of him?
We do get on as mates and there are long stretches where we're genuine friends with nothing else popping up, but it never lasts. Mainly because we're very compatible sexually and no one else has quite matched up (we both feel this way).
I'm tempted to just get him out of my system, hope for a disappointment and then maybe we can just get past each other and get on with our lives. To put this frustrating pattern of behaviour into context, it's been going on 17 years (we're in our 30's, both married other people and had kids but he's separated).
At this point I'm expecting to still be texting the idiot from my nursing home.
Has anyone had a similar sort of background 'relationship'?

(fully expecting some 'you're awful' replies, fair play)

OP posts:
SnowiestMountain · 06/03/2018 16:26

OP! Stop! You've never 'got him out of your system previously' what makes you think this time would be different? Do NOT do this, it is a very bad idea.

ThisLittleKitty · 06/03/2018 16:28

What do you want people to say? Go for it?(!)

loveisevol · 06/03/2018 16:33

How would you feel if your husband was doing this?

Ivelosteverything · 06/03/2018 16:33

You sound like an absolutely catch OP.

PipGirl404 · 06/03/2018 16:38

If you can live with the guilt of cheating on your husband then nothing we say here will stop you, will it?

You're either an arsehole who cheats or you're not an arsehole who cheats. Your choice?

MysticFlyTrap · 06/03/2018 16:39

It doesn't sound like you are that happily married or you wouldn't be thinking about this or messaging him. Maybe sit down and think about why you are even considering it. There must be a reason involving your current relationship not satisying you or making you unhappy ?

HobnobBob · 06/03/2018 16:40

Wow don’t you sound nice. Your poor DH.

Prettylovely · 06/03/2018 16:42

So you are cheating on your husband, Please tell him so he can get rid of you..

HobnobBob · 06/03/2018 16:43

You’ve been cheating your whole marriage. You certainly aren’t and have never been ‘happily married’. What a joke.

BoobleMcB · 06/03/2018 16:43

It's not getting him out of your system at all. In fact it's the opposite. You're getting your fix. So when was the last time? Were you with your DH then? If you've already cheated in him it's obviously going to be easier to do it again. Maybe you should do your DH a favour and leave him if this guy is so strong you can't resist

Huntinginthedark · 06/03/2018 16:49

Jesus
Did I just read this!?
Change your number and forget about him
Or leave your husband and go out with him.
Strikes me you don’t want to be with either of these men

Lizzie48 · 06/03/2018 16:55

What do you expect us to say, OP? That it's a good idea? You don't seem at all troubled by guilt at the fact that you've been betraying your DH. Hmm

Adora10 · 06/03/2018 16:56

Wow, people like you are nauseating, coming on here bleating about your dirty little affair with no thought for anyone affected, all about you, you are nothing more than an easy lay and some titilation.

If that's what you call happily married, you are seriously delusional; you're a nasty cheat getting your rocks off by sending dirty pics to a man who is doing and sending them to god knows who.

I pity your husband having to suffer you as a wife, married, what a fucken joke.

VladmirsPoutine · 06/03/2018 16:56

You need to cut him off completely. You are behaving despicably. He has I suppose nothing to lose by pursuing this behaviour, but you do.

You have grown up since then. Cut him off completely. If you are unhappy with the life you have then change it. No-one is demanding you stay married to your H but your behaviour will lead to heart-break, I suspect by all but your ex.

juddyrockingcloggs · 06/03/2018 16:56

I don't think you're an awful person however I do think you are being extremely thick and what you're doing is awful and a cunts game.

Do you honestly think that nobbing him once will 'get it out of your system'?! Or if you're as sexually compatible as you say you are do you think what will actually happen is that you'll keep saying to yourself ' oh I got away with it once, just once more' and before you know it you're having a full blown affair.

Your husband deserves a hell of a lot more than he is getting at the moment - which is a wife that shows her fanny off to any one she fancies. Don't think because it's on a text message it doesn't mean the same thing because it does. You're cheating on your husband whether you think so or not.

Does he deserve it? Do your kids deserve a mother that can't keep it in her knickers?

If you really can't keep it in your knickers then tell your husband so he can leave you and go and find a real wife and don't come crying when you're jealous that his new wife is having a great time with your kids because you will have no one but yourself to blame.

MrsElvis · 06/03/2018 17:51

Don't do it the fantasy will not live up to the destruction

DontDIY · 06/03/2018 18:02

Sure, go for it. Why ever not? Hmm

FFS.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 06/03/2018 19:51

I'll try and muster up my best enthusiastic response for you OP.

YES! You should definitley go and fuck your ex. Why shouldn't You? You deserve to treat yourself now and again. Most certainly, don't let the fact you are married get in your way, and if your husband doesn't understand (when it comes out) why you needed to do this he obviously doesn't care about you enough. It's like you said it will only be the once and then you can go back to being really good friends who send naked Snapchats to each other.

PippyRose · 06/03/2018 19:56

It's not a good idea, tempting as it seems. You're letting lust and rose tinted glasses wreck with your head. He's an ex for a reason.

It's best if you delete all traces of him and get him out of your head otherwise you're jeopordising what you already have in your life.

I think people are being a bit judgmental towards you but just take a step back and think about the consequences. We're all only human and crave things that are outside of our reality but you may end up deeply regretting acting on any impulsive urges you have now.

I hope you make the right choices. Good luck.

BigFatFanny · 06/03/2018 19:58

OP, stop it.

Unless there’s a massive drip feed that you’re in an open marriage, you’ve been cheating on your husband for 17 years. That’s god awful, that poor man.

If you wouldn’t be happy for your husband to know about your fuck buddy, then you know it will hurt him and you’re engaging in behaviour that will eventually be found out and will destroy your marriage. Why are you doing that?

juddyrockingcloggs · 06/03/2018 20:04

We're all only human and crave things

Yeah, I crave Mars Bars all the time but then mars bars don't threaten to ruin my kids life and make the person I love feel like they've had the heart ripped out of them.

PippyRose · 06/03/2018 20:22

I said we all crave things out of our reality, Mars Bars are not a good example.

I crave all sorts of things (eg leaving my family to fend for themselves for a week while I jet off with Russell Brand for a fortnight on an all-inclusive holiday/shag fest). It doesn't make me a shit bag.

It's about finding the balance between fantasy and reality and living a life in accordance with your own morality. Making good decisions is what's important.

PippyRose · 06/03/2018 20:24

I got a mixed up there with the week fortnight thing. Call it a week for argument's sake :/

juddyrockingcloggs · 06/03/2018 20:27

Pippy - no no no! You fantasising about a week with Russell Brand (but on a side note urgh!) is entirely different from what the OP is already doing.

The OP is taking part, actively in deceiving her husband. She's been crossing the line for 17 years now! This is a woman who claims she loves her husband and loves her kids but couldn't give a fuck about hurting them so long as she gets what she wants! That's despicable.

She has been sending someone explicit pictures (how old are you by the way OP? 16?) and wants to know if she would be alright to shag someone 'to get it out of her system'. That's not craving something, it's being a first class cunt.

PippyRose · 06/03/2018 20:32

Ha ha...different horses and all Juddy.

Yes OP has already crossed the line but at least she's seeking advice before 'sealing the deal'. I agree that the pictures are out of order but at least she can save herself from completely fucking her husband over by not meeting him for anything physical.

I think she probably wants us to talk her out of it. She probably knows it's a stupid idea.