Do i believe him?

[RupertP9]

Hello All,

I need some advice. My boyfriend of 6 years (We have a 2 year old and mortgage) went on a lads night at the weekend (just him and his best mate) they ended up going back to his mates house where his mates wife was there having drinks with her friend (female) so the four of them continued drinking until the early hours 6am. That's the latest he's ever stayed out drinking and he was very coy the next day so I checked his messages while he slept. He was texting his friend at 6:15am (so as soon as he got in) asking for his wife's friends number and that he couldn't stop thinking about her and was horny 😷. His friend fobbed him off saying he was in bed trying to sleep but my boyfriend text him again saying come on just tell me where she lives im gonna sneak out. Iv obviously confronted him and he has said it was all 'drunken banter' and he would never have gone through with it bla bla bla. Said he loves me I'm his world and he loves our little family. I believe that he meant that last bit but I also believe that if his friend would have passed on the number or gave the girls address that he would have indeed snook out.
I can't imagine my life without this man and the thought of it terrifys me as I'm a stay at home mum with zero income. If I let this slide how do I get over it? Iv already got insecurities about my weight after pregnancy and this other girl in my opinion is slimmer than me and quite attractive she's really confident too so now my insecurities are sky high.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this or can anyone offer some advice?

What a bloody creep! I'm glad his friend didn't pass on the woman's details - he could be done for rape!

Ugh! what a sleazebag. I'd be furious at this.

Uck no, I'm so sorry.

I doubt it was just banter - he sounds like he was really pushing his friend - but tbh even if "just banter" it's no better - he's been incredibly disrespectful to you and your relationship. He sounds very immature.

Take time to really think about this. You've had a shock. Have you anyone you trust in real life to lean on?

It might seem terrifying as you have no income but that isn’t a reason to stay with someone who is so awful. This is terrible behaviour and not acceptable and doesn’t matter if she is slim/attractive whatever.

He would have to pay maintenance for your child . Have a think, no need to decide now for sure what you want to do but being terrified isn’t a reason to stay.

find your self respect...it's in there .. in you .... you do not need this man.. you are a strong capable Mother and you would be okay.. it would be hard of course but he would have to pay for his Child .. I hope you are okay because this is the lowest of the low behaviour and you're lucky to have discovered this so quickly .. many woman find out far too deeply into an actual affair.... please think on ... don't stay because you feel it's your only option

He sounds disgusting op I'm really sorry you're going through this.
I don't think I could ever get past this because there would always be that question 'would he have done through with it'.
Personally I think he would have! The texts seemed pretty insistent.
He's a disrespectful creep.

No i get the impression there had been flirti by between my boyfriend and this girl who is single. Creep tho Yes! I can think of a few other names too!

Thanks for your support I'm new to mumsnet and wasn't even sure if any e would respond. I moved 30 miles from my home town when we got together so iv no really good friends here only wife's and girlfriends of his friends. So my option is to leave and move into my old room at my mum and dad's which tbh sounds awesome right now, home comforts and my mum would be a massive help. Maybe I'll go stay there for a few days to get my head straight but that just seems quite a big move! Seems as tho I'm leaving him and mg parents would then need to know and if I do stay with him they would dislike him...oh god what a mess

More terrifying to stay with someone like this for years and years and watch your self respect crumble as he does this sort of thing regularly, year after year...and he will, I'd bet my life on it. I'm sorry, he's horrible and disrespectful.

This behaviour shows how little he thinks of you, please don't put up with it.

If you stay with him, you are condoning his nasty, disrepectful, immature behaviour. Go to your parents. YOU have done nothing wrong - let the creep stew on his own. You don't deserve this type of disrespect

Fuck him off.

He was way too comfortable doing that, imagine what you haven't caught him doing...

I think he would have gone through with it. He sounds like a pathetic creep.

You could have a few days visit to your parents without telling them that anything's wrong unless you make a definite decision on leaving.

Going to your parents sounds like a perfect idea.

I understand why you don't want to tell them but it would be best for you right now if you do. You need their support more than he needs your protection.

They probably will feel off about him if you go back but that's to be expected - he screwed up, he'll have to suck it up.

I hope you do go to them. You need lots of TLC right now. Go and be spoilt!

Yes I'm worried that this is just the tip of the iceberg! I think I'll go and stay with my parents and talk about this with my mum she always knows what to do and even if I do go back I'm sure she'd understand but perhaps I'll keep my dad out of the loop for now as I'm not sure he would be so understanding.

I'm worried that if this was a one off and he was a drunk as he says he was that I might be throwing some that was great up Until now away.

You do not deserve to be treated like that. Stand up for yourself. Personally I wouldn't stay with someone like that. The best thing you could do is stay with your parents, get your head straight. Time apart might give you a new insight. Life is way to short to be treated like that!

Use it as a wake up call

No income
Not married
No rights

Arm yourself with some information. Good luck x

So glad you're going. Talking to your Mum sounds like the way to go.

I'd be wary about the drunk excuse. I really don't mean to be unkind or kick you when you're down but I'm not sure I'd buy that. I have been many degrees of drunk but never been inclined to do anything like that. If he was fit enough to send messages he wasn't that drunk.

Sorry. That sounds harsh. Not saying he's not terribly sorry but I'd be wary.

Anyway. Your mum sounds like the perfect person to talk this out with. Let her give you a big hug and make you hot buttered toast and lots of comfort food.

Go to your mum, talk it over and then decide on your next move.

You know something isn't right here.

Well done for confronting him and not letting it slide, these things are best out in the open.

Do i have any rights to anything?

Everything's in his name mortgage, car etc... We have a joint bank account but his is the only income. I stopped working when I had our child. We lived together for three years before our child was born and I did help with bills then

Ok so say it was just banter, how would you feel about your other half joking about banging another woman? I'd be livid either way and wouldn't trust as far as I could throw. I know my other half well and am fairly sure he would never do this to me, nor me to him.

What an utter dickhead. Go to your mum’s even if it’s just to think. That is disgusting behaviour.

No idea what you’re entitled to - maybe talk to CAB or see if you can get a free half hour with a family lawyer? Others on here will prob be able to help with that.

What a cunt dump him

I'm really sorry you're going through this especially with a family it must be so tough.
If I found those messages on my husbands oh ken I would leave and never come back - please realise your self worth. Somebody worthy of you would not send those things to another woman no matter how drunk.

Why, when they get caught it is always ‘just a bit of banter’

Go and see your mum