Is this inappropriate behaviour

[BlardyBlaaaaa]

Hi

Just want to hear your opinions on a recent predicament I found myself in.

If your boss (now ex-boss, but not because of this) who you are friendly with asked you to apply cream to his back (voltarol type stuff for muscle aches) would you think it was
A) completely inappropriate but harmless
B) a come on/flirtatious gesture

I have no idea but did it anyway & instantly regretted it. I’m a people pleaser by nature & don’t like saying ‘no’ to people....

Thanks in advance

I would probably think (A)
If he asks again then just say you aren't comfortable doing it again.
Stand your ground.
It made you feel uncomfortable and those feelings are totally valid.
If my boss asked, I'd do it.
But we get on well and I know his wife etc.... and wouldn't really think anything of it.

I would find that so uncomfortable if it was someone I didn't know and trust as a good friend (and even then it would be weird). Learn from it and don't worry about saying No next time if something takes you out of your comfort zone. I am not sure what his motives were but that's irrelevant really,, could have been either A or B.

Hmm, that’s interesting, thanks.
My friend reckons he fancies me & this was his way of testing the waters....

I would see its as completely inappropriate, full stop.

Completely inappropriate, and not harmless if he was still your boss at the time.

It’s inappropriate and I would politely decline.

It’s hard for me to see this as flirtatious though, it’s hardly sexy is it? It is potentially sleezy though.

Being asked to do this by a boss would make me strike him off the list a potential partner. I’d be very concerned about his judgement and boundaries.

He was at the time but I have now moved on to pastures new....

Good point Thistlebelle!

Completely inappropriate, and not harmless if he was still your boss at the time.

^ this. Has he ever done anything inappropriate before? This really gives me the creeps TBH.

No, not at all in fact he was (is) a very nice guy & we got on very well really. Used to chat about non worky stuff quite a lot.

I think if you feel uncomfortable with it it's inappropriate. My DH once gave a female work colleague a shoulder massage, she had been in an accident and first day back was finding movement difficult. They're friends, but actually it could have been seen as wrong but it helped her, and was not a flirtatious action at all.

Inappropriate (although I dont think its that inappropriate) and harmless but of course you could of said no and found it inappropriate/or harmful.

It's highly inappropriate...unless you are friends outside of work....and it was on that basis.

Especially with the power dynamic.

So he's not your boss anymore and wasn't your boss when he asked you to run the gel in? He's a male friend.

Not inappropriate, it's a bit like rubbing sun cream in a male friends back, I guess. Possibly awkward, but not inappropriate.

He was my boss at the time!

You’re right - he probably thought it was on a par with rubbing in sun cream.

I wouldn't mind or find it sleazy unless there have been previous instances of inappropriate comments or some weirdness.

Completely inappropriate and not harmless.

This was weinstein’s opener.

At best it is a man who has bad boundaries and does not care about making employees uncomfortable. At worst it’s a power trip combined with sounding you out for sexual harassment by testing whether you will follow instructions that go outside your personal/professional boundaries because of his power over you.

There is nothing at all harmless about it.

If you listen to weinstein’s victims they all report requests to massage him, which yes did escalate, but they say they found it inappropriate but specifically that the confusion about whether it was him or them that was wrong and the way it drew them into more and worse things made it really difficult.

Inappropriate and weird.

Hmm, I had two colleagues (male and female, admittedly he did have a bad back) who used to retire into what was basically a cupboard so she could apply cream to his back. I'm not convinced that's all they did in there....

Volterol? On their back? I wouldn’t mind at all. Male/Female Boss/Employee Friend/Neighbour. It’s just helping someone out if they can’t reach to do it themselves.

If he fancies you, he needs to improve his chat up technique 😂

I would be seriously weirded out if my male boss asked me to rub cream into his back

Technically inappropriate but it wouldn't bother me as long as I got on okay with them.

Definitely inappropriate if it was in the workplace

Bizarre the people who wouldn't be weirded out by it. Admittedly I'm not a tactile person, but who asks someone at work to apply cream? You apply it at home, you manage for yourself in the loos, you don't ask colleagues or employees.