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Original poster

Would you invite your sisters abusive partner to your wedding?

50 replies

Timetochange72 · 05/03/2018 08:54

I know there is 2 sides to this which is why I wanted opinions, my sister has an emotionally abusive partner, he’s never hit her as far as I’m aware. He calls her a cunt, bitch, slapper, whore, made her had sex with him after she had a hysterectomy, he’s had an affair, he’s made comments about my niece saying oh you are just making want to have an affair but (neice) will sort me out she’ll give me a blow job. Various nasty comments about me, as he knows I’m on to him, unfortunately he has managed to pull my sister away from me too. My future husband can’t stand the guy and I suppose I’m worried with alcohol flowing there may be some sort of fight later on. I feel very uncomfortable around him, we don’t want him at our wedding but is the right thing to do invite him for my sisters sake, I’m all over the place with this, what would you do?

OP posts:
Offred · 05/03/2018 08:56

I don’t think you can invite him TBH even if that means your sister doesn’t come.

MarthasGinYard · 05/03/2018 08:59

I wouldn't be in the same room as scum like that.

Why is your ds still with him?

ScattyCharly · 05/03/2018 08:59

If you invite your sister and she is married to and living with him then I think you should invite him. If you just invite her, he’ll find out and perhaps he will punish her. He is a rapist and extremely abusive.

AlwaysPondering · 05/03/2018 09:00

Wtf, he sounds awful OP. Sorry your sister is with such a sickening man. And your niece.. as in his daughter/stepdaughter? I find that really concerning. How old is she? I feel she is at a huge risk around him.

MrsAJ27 · 05/03/2018 09:00

No I would not invite him...vile excuse of a man Angry

AlwaysPondering · 05/03/2018 09:01

And no I wouldn't invite him.

NotLinkedInSnowedIn · 05/03/2018 09:01

Having left an abusive relationship, I'm going to say no don't invite him.

When I did finally leave my x, I appreciated the people who took a stand. There are too many people out there who come out with platitudes such as ''ah marriage is hard'' or ''six of one and half a dozen of the other no doubt'' or ''nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors''

This fence-sitting hurt me more than the abuse to be honest.

Take a stand and one day your sister will hopefully know that even though at the time she didn't believe she was worth more, you always believed she was worth more and weren't prepared to play Dolls House on your wedding day.

However there is a kind of 'proviso' to that. Can you support your sister if she leaves? Is the man you're marrying yourself a sufficiently good man that he would support you supporting her leaving a bad marriage? Or will he say ''we've no room at the inn''.

cakecakecheese · 05/03/2018 09:05

Would she come without him? If you explain to your sister why you don't want him there would she understand? If she really won't come without him then does your H2B have any big friends who can be put on standby to remove him if he kicks off?

I didn't want to invite my sister's husband to my wedding for a very good reason but I knew she absolutely wouldn't come without him. He behaved himself and I ignored him for the most part anyway but I do get how you must be feeling.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/03/2018 09:11

He does not have to hit her to hurt her.

I would not invite him and your H to be cannot abide the man either.

ThisLittleKitty · 05/03/2018 09:13

Personally I would as I would be worried he would take it out on her if he wasn't invited.

Original poster
Timetochange72 · 05/03/2018 09:17

Just to say, my sister is not married to this guy, she got engaged to him within the first few months but fortunately it never happened. Tbh I just don’t know if she’s come without him but then again I’m not sure she’ll come with him either. My neice is grown up 22 now just come back from university and very beautiful. I feel sick the things he says about her and do not want him around my dd who is 14 or my 2 step daughters 12 and 13! It’s a really difficult situation as my sister spends her life pacifying him. They live some distance away so would have to stay in a hotel too.

OP posts:
martellandginger · 05/03/2018 09:21

I think you have to not invite either of them. Your sister has made choices and although I'm sure you would give her all the help in the world I certainly wouldn't let them spoil your day.

Would they be likely to turn up and cause a scene though?

AthenasOwl · 05/03/2018 09:29

I would be worried that if he didn't get an invite he would make it her fault.
But no I wouldn't invite him I think you do have to take a stand on this one.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/03/2018 09:33

Does your sister know how you eel about him?

Could you talk to her about it? If shed not going to leave him, then I guess you have to do what's safest for her.

What a horrible situation Sad

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage though OP. I hope it goes smoothly for you

TroubledLitchen · 05/03/2018 09:34

Your poor sister. There’s no way I’d want him at my wedding, the comments about the niece are disgusting and you’re definitely right to want to keep him away from your teenage (step)daughters.

However, I’d be worried that there might be repercussions for your sister when he finds out he’s not welcome. I’d tread carefully with how you deliver the news and it might be worth considering if it’s better to invite neither of them, although that in turn drags her further away from her family and into his abusive net. Really difficult situation, best of luck OP.

differentnameforthis · 05/03/2018 09:35

If you don't invite him, will your sister be "allowed" to attend?
If you don't invite him, will it cause issues for your sister?
If you don't invite him, how will it make your sister feel?

Original poster
Timetochange72 · 05/03/2018 09:35

No they wouldn’t just turn up, I’m not sure if they’d come anyway. I did think about sending the invitation to her and my neice to her work address so he didn’t see it, but obviously he’s going to find out at some point!

OP posts:
ClemDanfango · 05/03/2018 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomeKnobend · 05/03/2018 09:44

No way. I'd avoid ever seeing the twat, and certainly wouldn't have him at my wedding.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 05/03/2018 09:46

I’d send my niece her own invitation, to her work address and ring my sister and spell it out. Say I would love to have her there, but she must decide what’s best given that he won’t be invited. Also tell her that you’re always there for her if she needs you and then it’s up to her.

ClemDanfango · 05/03/2018 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K · 05/03/2018 09:50

No. I wouldn't invite him. Is he making those comments about your sister's DD....that she'll sort him out?

He sounds horrible.

DerelictWreck · 05/03/2018 09:56

HANG ON.

Forget the wedding - he talks about getting oral sex from his daughter?!

ChevalierTialys · 05/03/2018 09:58

The work address idea is a good one.

Just invite DSis and niece, and explain to DSis that he is not invited as you don't wants twats there.

It's like a no-children policy, but for twats.

sakura06 · 05/03/2018 10:02

He sounds utterly vile. If you can, please help your sister to leave him. The way he talks about your niece is beyond disgusting. I hope to God she is not his daughter. Despicable.

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