I feel so overwhelmed by the children and job stuff it would just be nice to share the load. But I can't because he can't handle stress. Please, someone help me pull it together and stop being such a bitch.
This worries me a bit OP. Is he saying that his depression means he can't shoulder his half of the childcare, housework etc? That's not on. That's unfair to you and allowing it is actually likely to be counter productive to his depression lifting.
He doesn't get to just opt out of normal necessary activities because he has depression, sure he may not operate at full capacity but avoidance will only make things worse: the less practice he has at managing stress the more scary it becomes, he lets you do it all and that increase his guilt and sense of worthlessness and emasculates him, you feel the strain and stop seeing him as an equal spouse you can rely on to share life's difficulties so it damages the relationship, it's also proven that increased activity helps depression so if he is reducing his activity and engagement with normal life that will only increase his lethargy, decrease his motivation and make things a hell of a lot worse. One of the focuses of CBT is learning about mood dependence and getting away from only doing things when you feel up to it, with depression you rarely feel like it so you don't do it but then you have such reduced exposure to any potential source of joy, achievement, closeness to others. So it's about doing more, even baby steps, even when you don't feel like it, as increased activity increases mood.
The stereotypical idea of allowing someone who's depressed to stay in bed all day with the curtains drawn because they can't cope with anything else is harmful in most cases and enabling. It's fine on the odd occasion but if he truly is letting you shoulder all of the burdens and stressors on your life that's just going to make the entire situation worse and eventually I'd be pretty fucked off too.
When I'm at my most depressed all I feel able to do is stay in bed away from stress, no cleaning or cooking or even showering. But it makes me feel so much worse. It's better for me when my OH puts his foot down and drags me into the shower and tells me it's my turn to clean the kitchen, even though I hate it at the time.
I'm not saying he's exaggerating his depression to get out of facing up to stress, I don't know him. But you can't be expected to cope with everything a couple normally handles together, kids, work, house, and also stretch yourself indefinitely to account for a mentally ill partner. It's not possible without you ending up poorly as well 💛