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Original poster

How to send a gift back without appearing insensitive?

46 replies

Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 08:38

I have posted here before, recent relationship which I ended because I saw too many red flags.

He had given me a soft toy, however, I am not really into teddy bear and will not be using it. I was thinking of giving it to a charity.

Last night, he sent to me a text saying,"to look after it as it meant a lot to him in the past" - I would like to post it back to him but do not want to sound nasty or insensitive.

I have gone NC since ending it and do not want to start another dialogue, i.e., "I am posting it back to you."

Should I just post it back without any further communication? Advice really needed here..

Thank you.

OP posts:
Spam88 · 04/03/2018 08:42

Maybe just post it back with a note saying you're returning it because it meant a lot to him?

Namethecat · 04/03/2018 08:43

Yes I would return it. Can you not parcel it up, put a note in along the lines of ' I'm returning xxx to you as I know you love it more than me. And send off recorded post. Job done.

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 08:44

@Spam, thank you! That's a good one

OP posts:
Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 08:45

@Name, recorded delivery is good

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 04/03/2018 08:59

Why not just bin it?

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 09:18

@Onion, because I do not want him to have any other reasons to text me. It's also strange that a person gives you an old toy which was properly given to him as a gift or in the worse case scenario, he may have given it to an old girlfriend or it belongs to his DC.

I have shut down all avenue of communication and dialogue, it's the one thing that he has and I think sending it back tomorrow will close all doors.

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 04/03/2018 09:19

This I saw too many red flags. & This to look after it as it meant a lot to him in the past" Is a worry. If there weren't the red flags I'd say send it back as suggested but it sounds like a control thing to me. NC is NC after all.

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 09:24

@Vitalogy, are you suggesting that I do nothing? Should I donate it to my local charity and have no further contact?

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 04/03/2018 09:24

If the toy meant so much to him he wouldn't have given it to someone he was in a relatively new relationship with.
It's ridiculous what these men will use to try and remain in contact.
If you send it back to him he will then contact you again to ask why you returned it.
If you want to give him another reason to contact You then send it back. If it was his late grandmother's engagement ring then yeah send it back, but a You, na I wouldn't bother.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 04/03/2018 09:25

Toy not you

Vitalogy · 04/03/2018 09:26

Before the teddy bear was sent, have you made it clear to him that you think NC is the best way forward for the both of you.

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 09:30

@Alittle, thank you, your analysis makes sense.

@Vitalogy, during our last phone, I made it clear that we should not keep in touch. I have kept my promise, however, he made contact last night and I did not replied to the text.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 04/03/2018 09:32

That’s really odd and no doubt another way to keep in contact as he’ll message you asking about it etc.
I would just return it with no explanation as saying anything opens up communication like you’ve said.

AdalindSchade · 04/03/2018 09:33

Is it an old teddy? Did it seem new when he gave it to you?
I would just post it back recorded delivery with a brief note saying 'I'm returning this as I don't wish to keep it'

MorrisZapp · 04/03/2018 09:36

If its an old toy then post it back. If it's a gift he bought you recently then bin it or give to a friend or charity. Don't write to him either way.

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 09:43

I have no idea if it's an old teddy bear - it has the normal mass produced label with, "Made in China"

To be honest, the teddy bear is still in the same spot that he left it.

I want to post it back tomorrow and will block his number from my phone.

OP posts:
MyNameIsNotSteven · 04/03/2018 09:46

Erm, it's not bugged is it?! (Conspiracy theorist)

BibiThree · 04/03/2018 09:46

You were thinking of giving it to charity anyway so just do that. He's not to know you hadn't already got rid after the end of the relationship. If it meant that much to him he would have asked for it back.

MyNameIsNotSteven · 04/03/2018 09:47

Oh I see. He gave it to you while you were together. Chuck it.

bastardkitty · 04/03/2018 09:48

I also wondered about a bugging device

Original poster
Masterpiece008 · 04/03/2018 09:58

@MyName and Bastard, now thinking of it, when he gave it to me, he said something like, "keep in your bed and you can think of me..." weird, the damn thing might be bugged.

I left it on the sofa downstairs. I will get rid of it ASAP!

OP posts:
InfiniteSheldon · 04/03/2018 10:00

Bin it

2018February · 04/03/2018 10:02

Definitely appears to be a way of keeping in contact. What a dick.

HowRyou · 04/03/2018 10:26

Is there a camera inside Hmm

Vitalogy · 04/03/2018 11:16

Oh right, I thought he'd sent the teddy bear after your break up.

Now you've said that I think I'd be tempted to open it up and have a look.