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Original poster

Present for vile exes 50th .... or not?

44 replies

user1467480231 · 03/03/2018 07:52

I despise my ex and he loathes me, however it's his 50th soon and I wondered if I should get a present for him from the kids? He dumped us for a new woman (who he has now broken up with and also left her with their newborn), so he's a lonely old fucker with no friends.
What to do? Be nice or treat him how he's treated the rest of us?

OP posts:
Canwejustrelaxnow · 03/03/2018 07:53

I wouldn't bother.

JustHooking · 03/03/2018 07:54

Don't bother

Dozer · 03/03/2018 07:55

How old are your DC?

If small you could be super kind and take them to choose a card and token gift, eg from supermarket, and get them to write it. More for the DCs’ benefit than his. If they are older I’d remind them to get something.

BarryTheKestrel · 03/03/2018 07:56

How old are the kids? Can they buy him a present themselves? If they can't because they are little I would get him a token present from them, nothing expensive, just a standard birthday gift.

Despite the way he's treated you, if he still has a relationship with the children I'm sure they'd want him to have a birthday gift from them.

Dozer · 03/03/2018 07:56

That’s if the DC see him of course.

VaguelyAware · 03/03/2018 07:56

Would he buy you a gift on your birthday?

Karigan1 · 03/03/2018 07:56

Are your kids old enough to shop for themselves? If so give them some money and ferry them to a shopping centre. Go get a coffee whilst they shop. Let them give it to him and wrap it etc. Giving the gift from the kids is the right thing to do as the kids will want to do something for dad’s birthday

Hissy · 03/03/2018 08:00

How old are the kids?

Personally I’d not want to spend my family money on someone who left me in the shit

But if the kids are old enough to know and want to make/send cards etc then I’d help them - because it’s them who will feel guilty

Shockers · 03/03/2018 08:01

You could encourage them to make something for him.

I’m thinking a lovely photo frame made with dried pasta, sprayed gold or silver, with a photo of he and them in it, and a handmade card. That’s your freezing Saturday sorted at very little expense Wink.

Lonecatwithkitten · 03/03/2018 08:19

A small token gift for the children to give I would do if they are young. I remember DD being crushed at around 8 when ExH made no effort to help her get Birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day presents for me. It was the first year after he left and on my birthday DD sobbed her heart out as she had no present or card to give me. I got organised and arranged for either a girlfriend or my mum to help her until she was old enough to manage on her own.

Now she is 14 I leave it up to her as she has enough pocket money and is old enough to make her own decisions. He never went without a card/token at that point, but now DD chooses to give home nothing as his presents to her always have strings attached.

4yoniD · 03/03/2018 09:13

The children should make something. Like those giant monstrosities made entirely of recycling that school sends home with such glee. Maybe a life size model of their dad, using all your recycling?

OnTheRise · 03/03/2018 09:24

I'd ignore his birthday unless your children want to do something. In which case, I'd ask them what they wanted to do.

pointythings · 03/03/2018 09:50

I wouldn't. But my kids are older, 15 and 17. I turned 50 last week and will be organising a BBQ in the summer to celebrate. I hope STBXH will be X by then, though he is being an arse about it. And he will not be invited.

VimFuego101 · 03/03/2018 09:52

Get the kids to make something with lots of glitter.

GaraMedouar · 03/03/2018 09:54

No. Don’t get anything. If the kids are little and they want to then ‘help’ them make a drawn card for him. That’ll do.

FunnyThat · 03/03/2018 10:00

Seriously - fuck that! If you despise each other, why do it?

You're being kind thinking if your children. And yes that's the right thing. I suppose ask them if they can think of anything they'd like to get him and maybe help them out. But let them do it. I'm guessing that they know you don't like each other, so it will be good example to set them, by trying to put aside your feelings to help them.

butterfly56 · 03/03/2018 10:25

Whenever you get kind thoughts about something like this just try and put it out of your mind and to spend the money on yourself and the kids.

SD1978 · 03/03/2018 10:28

As others have said/ depends on the age of the kids, have you ever gotten him anything before? Given the one obvious level of vitriol you have for him, if you haven’t gotten anything from the kids for previous birthdays, I’d assume he’s not expecting anything. If the kids see him regularly and are old enough, they should be getting it themselves with only a little input required from you

Scarydinosaurs · 03/03/2018 10:29

Completely depends age of children. Under 12 then £5 and they choose what to get him.

jelliebelly · 03/03/2018 10:34

How old are the children and how involved are they with him?

S0ph1a · 03/03/2018 10:34

My kids are teens and I don’t buy anything for them to give to my ex. They have money and access to the shops/ online.

He never bought them anything when we were together so now they do the same. He is reaping what he sowed.

He was always too busy with his work / socialising online. And now ( suprise suprise ) they are also busy.

Lentilbaby · 03/03/2018 11:20

Why not buy him a Lynx gift set from the kids? Nice and tacky and shows you couldn't give two shits!

DelphiniumBlue · 03/03/2018 11:24

I believe Primark is even cheaper than Lynx.

Ghostontoast · 03/03/2018 11:26

Something tacky from a £ shop if you feel you must.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/03/2018 11:30

Yes, just something from the kids, there's all sorts in the Isles of Lidl !