NC with family

[Allthecremeeggs]

Have been NC for a few years with parents and sister. Long history of them treating me horribly but I’m struggling with two things atm.

Firstly I am still in sporadic touch with my aunt. She gets in touch every so often to say how hurt my parents are and basically making out that I’ve caused a rift over things that weren’t that bad. I don’t want to say too much as it’s outing but there’s a long history of them being awful to me including disowning me when I was pregnant at a young age to an abusive man as they were embarrassed. He beat me up throughout my pregnancy which they knew but refused to help. Though we reconciled when DD born.

Also struggling with the fact that they weren’t always awful. I have some really nice memories of them and often got on well with them. Which makes me question everything.

Your aunt is what is known as a flying monkey here so needs to be ignored by you. Cut her off and have no further contact with her. She is their enabler and she has not been and is not at all interested in hearing your side of things. Do read up on flying monkeys [[https://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2016/07/the-narcissists-flying-monkeys/]] is one such link.

Abusive people are not nasty all the time but the nice/nasty cycle is a continuous one.

Have a read and post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages and read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward.

Thanks Attila. I’m just angry and sad that they were so horrible to me and I’ve been portrayed as the horrible one. I will look at that link.

Of course you're to blame! Abusers never accept they're at fault :( exactly the same here. You're doing the right thing, but you're only human and sometimes just wish your family could be nice, and treat you with respect. Be strong, you don't deserve to be treated badly like this and them refusing to help you when you really needed them is horrid. Be strong. Sending hugs.

Thanks Treacle. I do sometimes wish they’d give me a genuine apology but I know it will never happen. The more time goes on the angrier they get with me I think.

My aunt told me to put up with my abusive parents 'because they are old'. I'm also no contact with parents and sibling. I'm the scapegoat - whenever I put boundaries down, they kick back and blame me. They aren't always awful but when they are they are very controlling and aggressive.

But I won't tolerate abusive behaviour from anyone. I had no choice as a child but I'm an adult now and choose who is in my life.

Do your own thing OP. It's very hard but some people, for whatever reason, treat others poorly and you can't be in the middle of it.