I think it's over and it's all my fault

[LEMtheoriginal]

Me and my fucking bastard anxiety

I've finally done for a 25 year relationship and I'm devastated. Numb and bereft.

Total meltdown today over a health related thing. Massive panic attack resulting in me literally cowering in the corner at Drs.

Dp has had enough. He can't cope - I don't know how we will manage financially although there is a shed load of equity in the house which neither of us can afford to keep so maybe that's something? A start?

We have a 12yr old dd who we both adore and I know she is going to be absolutely devastated. I don't even begin to know how to make this ok for her.

The house is piddly small so can't even live separately.

Fuck. We had it all . I blew it

LEM do you mean he doesn’t want you to take medication or go to counselling? Does he actively discourage you from foung these things?

No he thinks they don't work sadly I tend to agree . I've been on and off meds for years and had untold counselling sessions. I'm still the same pathetic mess as before.

If he isn't supporting you though, it doesn't matter what his opinion is on meds or talking therapies as you need help and support from something or someone. Him saying all that crap (and it is crap) will just make you feel like you've failed before you've even started treatment.

I get that it's exhausting for him etc but it's no jamboree for you either though it does sound like you're looking in the wrong direction for help from him and if you know that, is there anyone else to lean on?

It's bloody awful being anxious.

It’s not over my love, my do had 20 years of my anxiety and he had had enough he said do, but we are still together as we love each other, we worked it out. I am no longer anxious the saviour for us was mindfulness (look it up) and me stop putting pressure on myself and my family. What are you doing exams for if you already have anxiety, get them done and dusted and stop putting pressure on yourself to achieve things apart from serenity. If you have had anxiety and get over it like I have, you will have achieved the best thing in life for your family. Keep strong and don’t sweat the samsll stuff, get these pesky exams done and then address your anxiety in a positive manner, try to get your family on board by being honest with them both and understand they will find it hard sometimes but they love you and of course they have had enough of your anxiety but you are more than that.❤️❤️❤️❤️

I sympathise with anyone suffering from anxiety but I also sympathise with their partners and family members. It's not easy living with someone who has mental health problems - you often feel utterly powerless and nothing you do/say make the anxiety better, or if it does, you end up curtailing your own life/activities for them - which in turn makes you miserable and resentful.

Both of you have every right to say you can't do this anymore.

It doesn't matter if he agrees with medication or counceĺing or not, it's not about what he thinks, it's about what you need. If he wants things to change then he needs to either support that change or to shut up and let you get on with it.

You say that you have been on and off meds for years. Could it be that you are someone who needs to stay on them long term. DH will likely have to stay on his for life, when he stopped even one off them he got seriously ill last time and it's not worth the risk, he is also diabetic and will have to take those meds for life. I don't see any difference between the 2, one is a chemical imbalance in his pancreas, the other a chemical imbalance in his brain. I've been on antidepressants a few times and managed well without them for long periods in between until this time when I'm realising I've come off them too soon and need to go back onto them.

Yes to taking the pressure off yourself. I have found that my anxiety only starts to improve when I do this and I mean completely. Last time I went off sick I thought if I worked hard enough at getting better (exercise, mindfulness, meditation etc. I would get better quicker but I didn't I kept getting worse to the point that I couldn't even make a cup of tea. My body/Mind forced me to the realisation that I would need several months off work and as soon as I accepted that and took the pressure off myself to feel better I started to actually feel better. Learning to pace myself has been really important. When I am poorly with the anxiety I set myself one task for the day. That could be to go swimming or to clean the bathroom or to go for a walk and that is It, that is enough. If I race around trying to do everything because I'm having a good day I can set my recovery back a week.

Mindfulness is something I do find really useful. There's a very good app called headspace, but I've found going to a taught class is even better. Our council are running free classes at some of the local museums and art galleries and the transformation that hour of peacefulness makes is amazing.

Also if you have not found counceĺing helpful in the past could you try something different this time like CBT or NLP. Most NHS services start you off on the bottom rung and if that doesn't work pass you up to a more specialist service sobdiscuss with your GP what you have already tried, it may be that a psychologist will be more help than a counsellor or CBT therapist.