What is child maintance used for?

[DollFace13]

Hey all

Obviously I know child maintance is for the child ect.
What I'm getting at is what do you use child maintance on? And does ex DH/DP pay anything else towards things or does DH/DP buy anything else for the child/Children.

My ex pays me £186 per month for my DS who is 2.
Which is fine by me.
But on totalling Everything up . I am spending far more than that in one month.

DP doesn't pay for or buy our son anything else .
He doesn't buy any clothes for his house or toys. He buys the food, nappies ect in at the weekends he has him . That's it.
I'm paying food, clothes, essential nappies,lotions ect, dummies, beakers (near enough fortnightly as DS breaks them), potty training stuff , bedding, stuff for his bedroom, toys, books, Clark shoes, hair cuts, activities, stay and play centres and more. You name it and I buy it.

All I keep getting from him is that's what maintenance is for. Which in a sense he's right but I'm paying way more that what he is contributing and he's not getting any extras for his son . He thinks that £186 a month that's his bit and that's it.

Am I wrong to question this.

I'd like other advice /experiences on this please.
That would be much appreciated

Give up on the explaining. Whatever he says, you can calmly say (or even just think) "No, that's not true."

That way it's not a war, just him being an idiot.

My exh gives me £200 a month for three DC. That equates to £16 per child per week. You tell me what I can realistically do with that money... not a great deal. He doesn’t buy them anything extra other than birthday or Christmas presents which stay at his house and he only has them one day a week (and very rarely takes them anywhere).

He is allowed to pay me less simply because he lives with his new OH’s two DC. I’m not entirely sure how that’s fair considering they’re not even legally his stepchildren let alone anything else but there you go. bitter, me? Never

It just goes into my overall money pot. When it’s time to buy their school uniform for September including coats and shoes that’s easily £200 if not more. There’s always school trips, random amounts of money school seem to incessantly ask for, general clothes and shoes for when they’re not at school, running the house, food, entertainment... they cost a lot. And he only realistically pays for three of their meals a week. He doesn’t even have clothes for them at his house, or a bed... but that’s another story.

You spend it on what you see fit, sounds like you care for your child perfectly well.
I get £100 a week for 2 children, ex never has them overnight but will take them out for a couple of hours odd Sundays. I even lend him my car seats! He doesn’t pay towards anything else, not birthday parties, trips, clothes nothing. Youngest didn’t even get a birthday present off him last year.
When he did have them regularly overnight (over a year a go) I’d send clothes nappies toys etc... which to me is fine as long as they come back.
My maintenance goes into my household bank account and isn’t spent on anything in particular just general costs of raising children, bills, food, oldest has swimming lessons, youngest will from September. Both go to breakfast club and child minder in school holidays which averages out at £480 a month.
My ex like to threaten me with no payment of maintenance now & again when I bring up that he should be providing somewhere suitable for them to stay with him, or we’ve got plans and no he can’t ask me on Sunday morning if he can see the kids for a bit.
If it ever came to him not paying I would just make the cutbacks on my own life rather then for example stop swimming lessons or not have treats.

The trouble is that instead of having one household a separated couple are maintaining two households. Which means two lots of bills, rent and mortgage. But he should be providing the food and clothes for the weekends he has your DS.

And I think the non resident parent should contribute to expenses such as birthday parties and new school uniforms.

My ex pays maintenance and nothing else, but he does have clothes, toothbrushes etc for them at his, so they just go in the clothes they are wearing. I pay for all extra expenses like swimming lessons, music lessons, school uniform etc. However I did ask him to pay halves on DD’s school residential trip as I think that is a non essential expense and I wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise.

I get £17 a month. It should be at least £30, but the extra £13 a week isn't worth the fight it would cause wringing it out of him (he changed jobs and hours, but didn't tell the maintenance people).

I use his money (which I get on the sane day every week by bank transfer), for my electric top up. As far as I know, how much should be paid, is a % of their income. It rarely reflects the true costs. The extra heating (especially with a younger dc), electric (things constantly needing to be charged), school uniform, fruit and milk for school, school trips, clubs, costumes for various days, general clothes and shoes, food, toys, books, medicinal stuff, hygiene stuff, days out etc. Transport and fuel costs to and from dr's appointment's, parties etc.

My ex feeds and waters ds when he's there, buys him new clothes and games now and again, but forgets all the regular "hidden costs". He lives with a relative who pays the heating and electric bills, so I don't think he even takes those basic costs into consideration, never mind things like wifi, ps4 plus subscriptions, netflix or some sort of kids TV package, etc.

*17 a week sorry

My ex-h pays what he's assessed at and not a cent more. Never has. With 4 children, maintenance has never covered 50%. Down to 1 receiving support and the money goes straight into my mortgage account. It could go into my truffles and champagne account if I wanted it to (and if I had one.lol) No one elses business.
With their sports and their hobbies over the years, I have paid so very much more than him. I don't complain but I would never, ever provide him details of where 'his' money goes. That idea is fucked and is usually floated by the next partner/wife.

one good way to save is to buy good quality stuff on ebay out of season for the following year, and resell at the beginning of a season. By buying quuality brands that didnt fall apart I managed to save a bundle on kids clothes over the years - after a seasons use they usually are still worth the same in a second hand market

So Id buy winter stuff in the summer summer stuff in winter, and sell spring summer in March and Autumn/Winter in Sept, with Christmas outfits etc around beginning of Dec. That way each new seasons clothes more or less paid for the new ones coming in.