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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Dumped because I don't have children

57 replies

Bixg · 28/02/2018 22:12

... or possibly for being a sad old spinster well, not quite but a serious WTF scenario.
I joined bumble a few weeks ago and after weeding out a few pervs and oddballs have been talking to a nice guy for a few weeks. So tonight we've been chatting and he asked if I had children. I replied "no, and no ex-husbands, how about you?" and looked forward to finding out a bit more about him. No reply so just logged into my account and he's done a runner on me! Is this normal for OLD? I really can't hack this nonsense if it is normal. Sadly I think you'll all tell me it is

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 28/02/2018 22:14

I think its normal and reasonable for people with kids to want to date other people with kids. Just like some childless people wouldnt want to date someone with kids.

And yes its very normal for men and women to just stop replying on OLD. Better now than after 3 dates and a shag.

PositivelyPERF · 28/02/2018 22:14

Yuck. It sounds like you had a lucky escape. I’d be very worried about someone who only wanted to dare someone with kids. shudder

tinkywinky2018 · 28/02/2018 22:14

It could have been for any reason. Why assume?

LivininaBox · 28/02/2018 22:15

I doubt it is because you said you don't have children. Perhaps he has met someone else? Or got cold feet about OLD? Or is secretly married?

cheapskatemum · 28/02/2018 22:16

I'm thinking along the same lines as PositivelyPERF.

ThisLittleKitty · 28/02/2018 22:18

How odd. I was told I would have the opposite problem and that men wouldn't want to date me because I have kids!

AbsolutelyCorking · 28/02/2018 22:19

He sounds weird and dodgy. You have had a lucky escape.

tinkywinky2018 · 28/02/2018 22:20

He sounds weird and dodgy

No he doesn't. All you know is he stopped replying to messages. Stop projecting your own shit.

Original poster

Bixg · 28/02/2018 22:21

I assumed weird and dodgy. I did say I had god-children and nieces and nephews. Anyway I reckon I dodged a bullet.

OP posts:

orangewasp · 28/02/2018 22:21

Normal and OLD often don't go together I'm afraid , if it's any comfort I've been dumped in the past because I do have children

Trills · 28/02/2018 22:22

If you're going to be doing online dating you have to remember that people disappear all the time, for no reason that you will ever know, and not to take it personally or dwell on it.

Original poster

Bixg · 28/02/2018 22:22

He didn't just stop replying, he deleted me!

OP posts:

Original poster

Bixg · 28/02/2018 22:23

trills I know. It just seemed odd that it was in response to the kids question.

OP posts:

starlightafar · 28/02/2018 22:24

If you need them as a dating prop aka Hugh Grant in The Boy, HAVE MINE

Viviennemary · 28/02/2018 22:29

He's just had second thoughts about taking this any further. Could be for any number of reasons. Maybe he's been married three times and was a bit taken aback when you said no ex husbands as if an ex was a bad thing. No point in overthinking this. It could be anything. And it's better now than after a few dates.

Original poster

Bixg · 28/02/2018 22:31

starlight might have to do that I thought it was women with children who had a hard time. Anyway, I'm 51 (he was 49) so maybe he just thinks a woman my age who's never married or had kids is weird. I'm definitely keeping the fact I can't drive a secret in future too!

OP posts:

Perfectnight · 28/02/2018 22:38

It could have been anything. Maybe he started talking to someone else. I wouldn’t analyse it too much.

Teensandfuture · 28/02/2018 22:46

You haven't met him, you were just chatting so you weren't dumped or anything ,he just decided you are not what he is looking for..

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 28/02/2018 22:46

yup same idea as positivelyperf

Ic3cleshanging · 01/03/2018 00:58

OLD I would not take it too personally. People can pretend to be anything they like and some people just use it to spend their free time chatting, rather than being serious. As per meeting people in real life, you have to meet a few people until you find someone who you click with. Secondly, have you tried any paid sites ? Have you tried joining some clubs like drama, dance, gym, walking, book etc ?

NoqontroI · 01/03/2018 01:00

Sounds creepy.

Sauvignonne · 01/03/2018 01:04

Maybe his wife walked in on him and deleted all his 'contacts'

EveningShadows · 01/03/2018 01:20

Can't believe those jumping to such insane conclusions! I have a couple of friends on OLD (one male and one female), both want to meet others with kids cos they have kids of their own, don't want anymore and think that meeting others with children will be less complicated.

Says more about you than them that you would assume otherwise.

ShiftyMcGifty · 01/03/2018 01:23

The obvious reason - he thinks you don’t have much in common and lead different lifestyles/have different priorities. He may have 10 grandkids already

notangelinajolie · 01/03/2018 01:25

I like your directness OP. You have scared him off - but I mean that in a good way. You need to know 'who he is' and the fact he has disappeared has given you your answer.

It sounds like he has got more than one ex wife/partner/s and childen. And probably multiple children with more than one of them. I think you should view this as a lucky escape. Who wants a partner with a history like this? It's not exactly showing commitment is it? View it as a positive - and be grateful he's done a runner.

Good luck

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