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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Married Man Crush

29 replies

Toya30 · 28/02/2018 20:05

I really want to get over my work crush beacause wrll he’s married. I’m finding it really hard to move on from something thats never happened.
It all starterd just before xmas, we are work colleagues he gave me a present which reflected a private joke we share at work and I thought it was hilarious. I then notice that he often looks at me when were in the same room then looks away, and other colleagues made comments that he all ways looks me up and down when I walk by. I am very self conscious so don’t notice these things. I had a dream about him a couple of weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about him since. We have a great friendship and I admire him for his work ethic. I don’t want to ruin our work relationship, I am totally overwhelmed by my feelings for him... but he is married and I know I can’t do anything about. I need to know how to move on... any advice please. We work together so I can’t stop seeing him and I love my Job. I’m not a home wrecker and am conflicted about how I feel... i want tonget over this pls pls any advice to help is appreciated.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 28/02/2018 20:07

You've answered your own question in your post .

ThisLittleKitty · 28/02/2018 20:11

Just get over it!

Aquamarine1029 · 28/02/2018 20:11

Get over your crush by opening your eyes and seeing him for who he really is/might be - a married man who blatantly checks out a co-worker, so obvious that other people notice it, and may possibly be interested in cheating on his wife. Hopefully you're mature enough to agree that there is NOTHING attractive about that.

BackInTheRoom · 28/02/2018 20:18

Google 'Limerence'. Read about it.

DONT:

•Chat with him at all
•Believe he has problems in his marriage

DO:

•Realise that Limerence is real
•He can talk to his wife
•You and him can never be friends
•Refer back to to this thread for guidance

Historicallyinaccurate · 28/02/2018 20:23

I then notice that he often looks at me when were in the same room then looks away, and other colleagues made comments that he all ways looks me up and down when I walk by. I am very self conscious so don’t notice these things.

So do you notice what he does or don't you?

Historicallyinaccurate · 28/02/2018 20:25

You just need to notice that he's a sleaze if he's looking interested, as a married man.

StarlightSparkle · 28/02/2018 20:32

If he’s married but checking you out in a really obvious way, that doesn’t say much for him. He sounds like a total sleaze.

You should avoid any non-work related chats with him, and whatever you do don’t start messaging or whatsapping each other as that is the slippery slope. If you’re cool towards him, maybe he’ll get the message that you’re not interested in being his bit on the side.

canttake · 28/02/2018 20:36

He's a sleaze and you clearly need some help with boundaries, as you're obviously planning to go for it.

It will fuck his life, your job, and both your reputations - but yours more than his. And for what, a tingly orgasm or two?

Things to do? Picture him taking a huge smelly poo. Picking his nose. Picture him eyeing up other women if you two ended up together. Chatting them up with little presents.

And then be a professional and an adult and cut this nonsense out.

Timefortea99 · 28/02/2018 20:51

Because he is so obvious he has probably been chatting about you to his mates. If you have sex with him, the whole office willknow. He'll be fine, you however will lose your reputation. And for what, a player's bit on the side for a bit, until the next one catches his eye. You will have to look for another job eventually, he I repeat will be fine. He will have had his jollies, laughed about it to his mates, and then he will forget all about you. He might even start ignoring you. If you are willing to risk that, and not give a damn about his wife, go for it. I think you intend to anyway.

LynetteScavo · 28/02/2018 20:52

You sound about 15 and he sounds like a sleaze.

I'm sure you're not 15, so give yourself a slap and a bucket of cold water and tell yourself you deserve better than a married man with a roaming eye. Because you do deserve better his wife probably does too

WizardOfToss · 28/02/2018 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Toya30 · 28/02/2018 21:22

Not planning to do anything, my career means a lot to me. I’m not asking for a green light I know the consequences. I just want to stop feeling so silly and move on.

OP posts:

Dozer · 28/02/2018 21:24

You don’t have a friendship.

sadiesnakes · 01/03/2018 01:07

Hotdoggity · 01/03/2018 01:25

OP, if all you wanted was advice about how to stop fancying this man, you wouldn’t have listed all of his adorable little flirt-quirks in one thinly-veiled boast post. Get a diary and a fluffy pen, giggle into a pillow and then calm. Down. And forget him. You don’t need affirmation from someone with such low moral standards. It means nothing.

serialcheat · 01/03/2018 05:14

Why don’t you have a telephone conversation with his wife and recount what you’be told us and ask her advice !?

I’m sure she’d be very interested in his behaviour, at work...... And yours !!!!

And if I ran your company and learnt of such twaddle ( Between both you and him ), I’d bounce you both out pronto.

I’d want dynamic employees who’d want to drive the company forward, not daydreaming potential cheaters.

He’s sizing you up for a potential shag, he’s not admiring your office skills.

serialcheat · 01/03/2018 05:17

You must be constantly bumping into the photocopier and dropping your paperwork onto the floor........

You’re concentration certainly isn’t on your work.....

serialcheat · 01/03/2018 05:20

As soon as you come into work this morning, clear your desk, your FIRED !!!!!!

Your Boss.

ferrier · 01/03/2018 08:06

What hopeless advice!

OP has stated clearly that this is not going any further. She wants advice on how to make the feelings go away. And it isn't easy. I assume you are not married yourself op?

If I were you I'd concentrate on (a) giving utmost attention to your job - doing it to the absolute best of your ability and going the extra mile - immerse yourself in it. (b) gather together all of this man's bad points (starting with him being a cheat) and focus on them every time you think of him. (c) find something, a new hobby etc., outside of work to occupy your time and divert your attention elsewhere.

The feelings won't go away overnight but hopefully they will slowly fade when you don't allow them so much space.

demirose87 · 01/03/2018 08:18

Find an available man to get inrerested in and divert your attention.

drainsup · 01/03/2018 08:47

Op, I had the most ridiculous crush on a work colleague. Like you, I never would have acted on it. But the strength of feeling was all consuming. I had to actively distract myself. Took time but it faded.

Vernazza · 01/03/2018 09:33

Get an elastic band, put it on your wrist, and every time you get giggly thinking about this sorry guy, give yourself one hell of a wake up snap. Seriously. Stop this train wreck before it happens: for yourself and for his wife. He'll walk away unscathed.

Get an elastic and start snappin'

Thinkingofausername1 · 01/03/2018 09:42

A guy that checks you out whilst married has obviously no respect for his wife. And I'm sure, whoever he is with he'd be the same. And sounds like he has a reputation for it.

Bixg · 01/03/2018 10:05

The elastic band idea is a good one, I did it when I suddenly developed a crush out of nowhere, bloody hurt too!

What actually cured me of the crush was him asking for a hook up, when I was daydreaming about getting to know him better over a coffee (at least to start with) - and then he killed it stone dead by mentioning the DP that he had failed to mention before...

...he's a sleaze - think of his wife and how vile he is being to her by ogling the girl who has the obvious hots for him.

Mistina · 01/03/2018 12:34

If you're anything like me you will have a little devil sat on your shoulder whispering into your ear....."Maybe he's big, go on try him...just once..."

But I am bad. I am soooo bad.

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