Does anyone else think it's disgusting when people use the grief of another family to get attention for themselves?

[OnlyAbigail]

A friend of mine and DH's died a couple of weeks ago. It was very sad, as he was only in his late thirties and had been terminally ill for several years.

One other couple from our circle of friends, who hadn't really known this man or his wife for very long at all, have done nothing but use the death of this man to get attention and sympathy for themselves on social media and I find it quite sickening and extremely disrespectful to this man's family and actual close friends!

This couple are both generally very showy and attention seeking, as are their kids, who have also posted various things on snapchat and instagram about this man (my teenage DD told me), to try to get sympathy for themselves. The man from this couple has done probably 5 or more Facebook statuses in the past two weeks saying how this man was like a brother to him and that he can't believe he's gone. The woman keeps doing statuses saying how she's so upset and keeps crying.

We have of course commented with supportive messages on his wife/family's Facebook statuses, sent a card to his wife and family, but I would never dream of using his family's grief to get attention!

This is not the first time that this couple have done this type of thing; if there is anything going on locally they use it to get attention for themselves, for example when there was a fire at a house in our town the woman posted on Facebook about how terrifying it all was knowing there was a fire so near to her and how she was having panic attacks thinking her house might be next. She didn't even know who lived at the house that caught fire!

Does anyone else think this is awful behaviour? The funeral is on Friday and I have expect this couple to have talked their way into walking behind the coffin with the rest of this man's family!

Such horrid behaviour.
I see this quite a bit, in particular with national events such as the Grenfell Tower. I saw people on fb (we do not live in the south east btw) who somehow brought the online conversations back to them by posting stuff like 'I was nearby only last week' or 'I know someone who can see it from their house/office'. Like wtaf?! They are looking for sympathy for something which has NOTHING to do with them.

Oh yes. Knew a woman who separated from and divorced her dh. No contact between between woman and ex husband's family at all. A few years goes by and ex husbands close family member died. Cue woman proclaiming on FB bow much she missed her and all the things they used to do together. Fuck me, I though I was reading about a completely different person. I was so tempted to post "how many years since you last saw her?" But then I clicked on unfriend instead. job done.

to everyone who has experienced this. A friend of mine died a few years ago, people were posting all sorts of attention- seeking stuff about her passing when technically she was still alive - organ donation was being arranged. I was so cross that these vultures didn't have the decency to keep quiet and give the family some respect. They are also very quick to move on and haven't offered anything in the way of support to the family afterwards either.
And YES to people who link any tragedy to themselves saying it could've been them because they visited London/Manchester/Paris etc years ago.
I'm even seeing it today as airport closures and flight delays are announced due to weather, cue loads of posts "I hope this doesn't affect us" FFS you're not travelling until Easter

This really annoys me. When my sister died a few years ago I had so many FB friend requests from random people from school who are clearly just being nosy- not offering condolences, just wanting to look (even if i had added them they'd be disappointed as we didn't mention it on fb).

My step dad recently died and my mum was shocked to find out that she had already arranged the funeral and just not told anyone. Step dad was still having a post mortem so nothing had been arranged. A woman they know from bingo had been telling everyone. It's just bonkers. Luckily my mum takes no shit and told her that if she fancies arranging the funeral she should go for it.

Minko, that's empathy and you feel it because you are a decent human being, the fb attention seekers don't have an ounce of empathy because it''s just all about them.

A good friend of mine died a few months ago - she'd only been dead 3-4 hours when a friend of hers was posting on FB about her devastating loss etc etc and tagging the deceased in her post. All I couldn't think was that that was how distant family, or friends that she hadn't seen for a while was going to find out that she had died. It made me so angry. Post that stuff in a few days or weeks, if you must, but after a few hours?

MIL & SIL are pure grief junkies & attention seekers!

MIL & FIL divorced over 25 yrs ago & are both now re married. FIL brother recently died suddenly & FIL called DH to tell him, everybody obviously very upset and shocked, as it was very sudden & unexpected.

Next morning MIL text DH to tell him the sad news that his Uncle had passed away, we were like ??? DH asked her how she knew and said that SIL had told her. We asked her why she thought that FIL wouldn’t have told us – you see this is her all over she HAS to be the one in control and to tell people sad news.

Now she & SIL haven’t see said Uncle in over 20 years – however both are posting on Facebook how they are so saddened and how they will miss him & are revelling in the replies & the “you ok huns” bollocks!
MIL was due to have DD the day of the funeral (as it happens to fall on the day she normally has her) however she messaged on Whats App that she couldn’t possibly as she simply HAD to go to the funeral and the wake as she needed to say her final goodbyes….her & SIL have already been out and bought their ‘funeral outfits’. Baring in mind when she told us this it was well over a month before the funeral.

Why MIL thinks she is welcome I am not sure – she hasn’t spoken to any of FIL family in years as there was a bitter fall out after the divorce. The brass neck on her!!!

She also went to the funeral of a lady who served her in a garden centre she visited now and again claiming they were close friends and had the same interests (yeah gardening but that’s it!) she was suffering with the loss of her for months – would act all bereaved widow type whenever we saw her and had to up her medication……. Rolls eyes.

SIL is the same – as soon as she hears of somebody passing away she is on Facebook searching for info and texting us saying “have you heard so and so has died?! He knows my friends uncles, brothers wife!”

It saddens me that posting on Social Media it’s the first thing people think of rather than the relatives of the passed away 

This thread has just reminded me of a conversation that I once had with my dear Nan.
My Nan and Grandad suffered the tragic loss of their son just before his fourth birthday. Truly tragic circumstances and one that was well known about in the local community.
Nan & Grandad rarely spoke about it, but occasionally they'd open up about how devastated they had been at the time and how they remembered him every single day. It was this statement from my Nan that stayed with me though.
"Those who say the most say the least and those who say the least say the most".
In the days following my uncles death she said some people who barely knew them were acting as if they were close family and she found that difficult to bare. They just seemed to need other people's attention.
Others just came to them, held them when they cried, made cups of tea, made a meal even if it went uneaten and grieved quietly beside them.
They remembered them with fondness and said they made an unbearable time just that tiniest bit easier.

My cousin is a grief thief. She is also very attention seeking on fb too. When my Dad dies she was constantly posting pictures saying how much she missed him and how devastated she was.
She also made a massive show of herself at the funeral and wake - racking sobs (completely attention seeking). Eventually her brother gave her a massive telling off, told her to shut up and the day wasn't about her.
She still posts pictures on anniversaries saying how much she misses him. He was her Uncle for goodness sake - not even that close. It does get her lots of 'u ok hun', 'you are so brave hun" type comments. Made my blood boil.
I barely see her now as I haven't got time for her.

I wonder what goes on inside their heads? People point out to them how wrong it is. And yet they continue. I suppose they get enough people fawning over them to outweigh the people who tell it like it is. Bizarre to know you're behaving so wrongly, but continue anyway.

Sumsum I think most people who behave in that way are narcissists and so it would never occur to them that the way they behave is crass and wrong. They just relish the attention and fawning that they get.

Yep. Any grief vampires I have ever known been called out in it has used the 'telling off' to get more sympathy. Narcissist is exactly the right word.

Oh yes, that makes sense. More wailing about how cruel the world is, to them. Never mind how cruel they are to others.

Usually the grief thieves have a well established group of fawners/hangers on who hang on their every word.

NC for this. One of the worst examples of this I ever saw was when I was a student at Oxford. A friend of mine had very, very briefly dated a student at another college. He seemed to really like her, but she went back to her ex-boyfriend (who none of us knew - we only knew her very slightly through our friend). The boyfriend went on to murder her and hid her body.

There was a huge amount of press attention - pretty female Oxford student murdered by boyfriend really ticked all the boxes for the tabloids. Everyone was really shocked, but none of my group of friends really knew her, so not deeply upset.

I was sitting in the Union when someone I knew from the murdered woman's college came up to our group looking even more spectacularly pleased with herself than normal (an impressive acheivement), and told us how she had got herself interviewed and photographed by the tabloids by pretending to be the murdered woman's grief-stricken best mate. The grief thief was always attention seeking in the crudest way (she was pretty much universally regarded as a figure of fun and more than a a bit thick) but even for her this was surprising - not just the fact that she had done it but that she was happy to boast about it. I generally think that you should get a free pass as an adult on most of the stuff you do as a 19-year old, but I've never forgiven her for that. I wasn't at all surprised when she became a Tory MP

@FreezyMcFreezeFace that's so similar to my post further down the page about dhs cousin. We had a murder in our area and she managed to get herself in the background of a police interview which was shown on itv and said it was her claim to fame.....

What I do like to see about these stories is the grief thieves being told to basically do one. IMO they need to know that no one ever falls for their upset and devastated shit for people they barely knew....get them told

I see this a lot. However, you can still grieve even if you haven't seen the person for many years or feel awful for their families.

I was devastated when my friend's son was killed in a car crash a few years ago. He was 18 and the last time I'd seen him he was a toddler. But it haunted me for at least a year. I remember being there when she was in labour with him and throughout the first year of his life. And my heart ached for my friend.

Another friend has recently lost her son to cancer and she posts a lot on Facebook. Of her pain and also lots of pictures of him. If she finds that comforting and finds the virtual support comforting then that's great. She also gets a lot of real life support from friends and family

A family member sneakily recorded my Uncles funeral and put it on Facebook.

Just to update, this couple really did end up walking behind the coffin with the mans family and at the wake the woman kept crying and had people flocking around her!

Totally fucking cringe worthy and disgusting behaviour'