Does anyone else think it's disgusting when people use the grief of another family to get attention for themselves?

[OnlyAbigail]

A friend of mine and DH's died a couple of weeks ago. It was very sad, as he was only in his late thirties and had been terminally ill for several years.

One other couple from our circle of friends, who hadn't really known this man or his wife for very long at all, have done nothing but use the death of this man to get attention and sympathy for themselves on social media and I find it quite sickening and extremely disrespectful to this man's family and actual close friends!

This couple are both generally very showy and attention seeking, as are their kids, who have also posted various things on snapchat and instagram about this man (my teenage DD told me), to try to get sympathy for themselves. The man from this couple has done probably 5 or more Facebook statuses in the past two weeks saying how this man was like a brother to him and that he can't believe he's gone. The woman keeps doing statuses saying how she's so upset and keeps crying.

We have of course commented with supportive messages on his wife/family's Facebook statuses, sent a card to his wife and family, but I would never dream of using his family's grief to get attention!

This is not the first time that this couple have done this type of thing; if there is anything going on locally they use it to get attention for themselves, for example when there was a fire at a house in our town the woman posted on Facebook about how terrifying it all was knowing there was a fire so near to her and how she was having panic attacks thinking her house might be next. She didn't even know who lived at the house that caught fire!

Does anyone else think this is awful behaviour? The funeral is on Friday and I have expect this couple to have talked their way into walking behind the coffin with the rest of this man's family!

Another interesting thing I've learnt on mn. Never come across it myself.

I think this sort of thing can be related in other ways too.

Like people who brag about their children. There's a few people I'm friends with on fb who will put massive long essays about the love they feel for their children on a daily basis with loads of photos with it. It's like a competition on who can love their child the most or who has the cutest kid.

Or the complaining parents who have babies and have been up all night.....straight on good old fb to moan about it like they are the only ones to have ever had a sleepless night with a child.

Some act like they are the only mother/father in the world...like no one goes through it and no one else can understand what it's like

Then there's the show offs, buy something expensive and it's straight on social media to let everyone know how rich you are

Some this morning were acting like the only ones in the world to have snow. Moaning about how cold it is.....yep we all know.....just the majority just man up and get on with it.

These are the types of people of would be grief theifs.....they are all the same

My son was killed in a road crash when he was 16
I was ( and still am) estranged from one of my sister's who hadn't even spoken to my son in years
She managed to get the world and his cousin sending her flowers etc and got written off for three months on sick leave. I was self employed and returned to work sooner, I'd brought my son up alone and he was my life.
She split up with her husband as he 'couldn't understand her grief' ( total respect to the man)
I just thank God it was just before facebook became popular.
Grief vampire is a good term

Bitzy that is so true! The attention seeking/grief thief couple always do lengthy FB posts after parents evening about how proud they are of their 'amazing' kids. And always lots of posts about how hard they've worked today or moaning about the weather, illness etc. They also do a lot of vaguebooking, so that everyone piles on to ask if they're ok!

My MIL was apparently devastated when my DM died (relatively young, short illness). So much so, she had to visit her GP about it for help.

She had met her once. At our wedding. ONCE.

Then a few months down the line, I got pregnant. She wrote to my DF with the immortal words:

"Because xxxx is dead, I am the only person Raptor can turn to"

Never mind that she had barely spoken to me since DM died let alone shown any compassion towards me. And she wonders why we don't speak

A colleague of my husband was killed in an accident which was reported in the local press and on the police webpage, with no name. Another colleague commented on the police page giving the full name of the guy who had been killed, journalists turned up at his widows home and that of his parents. All because he wanted to be the one to reveal the name.

I can, and never will, understand why anyone needs to post RIP on social media.

Why do you need to publicise this? It is nothing but attention seeking behaviour, just disgraceful.

Grief is personal and private, and very sensitive, not for the likes of FB.

It's the classic post so an so 'is angry/upset/heartbroken'

Cue the 'what's wrong hun? 'You ok?'

Then the:

'Don't really want to talk about it on here' or 'I'll message you'

Attention seeking idiots

There are such sad stories on this post, sorry sorry to everyone who's had first hand experience with this x

namechange the insensitivity of those who should know better..so very sorry for your loss

I think all this vulgar public grief competition started with Diana’s death. People who’d never even met her were sobbing in the street and sticking flowers outside Kensington Palace. And Facebook has made it even worse - it’s such a horribly inappropriate medium for expressions of sympathy. I’m all for emotional honesty, but I think we’ve now reached peak emotional incontinence! Bring back the old stiff upper lip, and a private letter of condolence...

Do sorry for all of you that have had to deal with people like this when you have had your own grief to deal with.

Bitzy the people you describe I call Drama Llamas. Everything is so dramatic and they are the only ones who have ever experienced it. I work with one who recently did a "worst day ever 😢" fb post. After lots of "what's up hun/so sorry/anything I can do" type replies she comes back and it seems her car broke down, minor problem, now fixed

When there have been terror attacks people from that area post on fb that they are safe. The last one in London someone had posted they were safe - great. They moved to Australia a year before. Another person posted how they wished their babies were at home and not in London. Her 20 and 23 year old babies were in uni about 30 miles from the terror attack. Both got lots of likes and sympathetic messages.
It makes me sick that people want to have a connection to someone's tragedy and get noticed for it. They must have some serious mental health issues going on.

Some very sad experiences on here Hope you all have good people around you.

I’ve heard it called grief porn. Though I’m
not really sure how that “fits”, you know?

When I was a teen, a friends brother died. Another friend then made it all about her, saying he had been her boyfriend. She was a pathological liar, but that was a belter, even for her.

I find it distasteful when people chime in after disasters saying they were there "only last week" or whatever. Consider yourself lucky then, and pipe down with your glory hunting!

I empathise with everyone on this Thread... I have seen it happen too... these Grief Thief types are truly disgusting... and I wish someone would say something... but sadly collectively we are all too polite

Drama llamas....I'll be using that one from now on lol.

I find that the people who genuinely do have a tough time are the ones that keep quiet. I have a dc with special needs, I rarely post about it on fb. I have lots of fb friends who also have disabled children that are extremely severe. I am friends with them and on several groups on fb where we post for advice or just to have a moan about how things are.

These parents never ever socially post about their children and the tough times they have on a daily basis. Yet they do come on the groups and talk about what's happening at home and it's heart breaking. However none of them do it for sympathy, they do it for advice, for help, no one judges and everyone is there for eachother.

A friend of mine posted the other day about how long it had taken her to set her new tv up (she wasn't bragging, it was funny what she put) little did everyone know the reason she needed a new tv was because her dd smashed the old one in a fit of rage during a meltdown. She Is severely autistic. She never posts publicly about her dd.

The ones who actually have a tough time tend to be the more private ones. The ones that constantly post crap generally have nothing to worry about.....well nothing major anyway

God yes.
Someone did this on FB when my son died.
Made it all about her, but she barely knew him.
Very distressing at a difficult time.

I have one or two on my feed who post every little drama, every personal crisis , every mood, I do feel like saying’get a blooming counseller’

I’ve distanced myself from a friend after she became a grief thief on social media when her DN was born still. It still continues to this day, a few years on. So much so that an obviously relatively new friend thought she was posting about her own child.
I probably find it more irksome than most as I have experienced baby loss too.

Thinking of all of you that have lost loved ones :(

I like the expression drama llamas for the attention seeker people!

Yep. Grief thief is the perfect term. I had an abundance of these when my son died. One woman I haven’t spoken to in about 20 years even held a get together (seance type thing) at her house with a group of her friends so that they could all have a good cry about my son. Facebook just gives these weirdos a platform! Disgusting vultures.

When my dad died 17 years ago, a woman who was terribly upset at his wake introduced herself as my aunty Irene.
She wasn't and isn't. I've never met her and neither had any of my siblings.
She spent the whole time going on and on about how she was so upset and how it was so sad.
I called her out on it. It turns out she use to live on the same street as us 42 years ago.
We had never met her and she had only met my dad once.
I swear she only came for the buffet!
The absolute fooking vulture!

So sorry to those who have lost people and had to deal with this. It’s incredibly vulgar. I think releasing victims details/outing info lie photos on SM when not the Next of kin should be made a crime to prevent the low life’s from doing this.

On the other hand I am a very sensitive person. Rightly or wrongly I do get upset when I witness grief/terrible things. Last year I witnessed a friend receive the news that their child had died in shocking circumstances. It really affected me leading to me having nightmares and some dark thoughts, replaying in my mind and thinking about the child’s last moments. I get that this is morbid and I’m embarrassed to be a grief thief. I’d never dream of telling anybody in real life I felt like this as I’m
acutely aware it’s not my place to feel like this and it’s nothing on how the family feel. But I genuinely did.

Minko, what a horrible situation. I don't think that makes you a grief thief. I think your intense thoughts about it is your mind processing it. Plus if you are a sensitive person anywhere perhaps you find it hard to switch these feelings and thoughts off.