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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does your DH hate your friends?

26 replies

WishfulWanderer · 27/02/2018 21:19

Before we were married 15 yrs ago I'd tell my best friend about things he'd done to upset me, she would be shocked, I was surprised at her shock and told him that my friend was shocked at what he did. Which was taking me out in a foreign country with his colleagues did not introduce me to a single one or speak to me the whole night, they all spoke to each other in other language. His explanation was social anxiety! Since then he's hated her, he travels for work and has 5 times left Sunday at 2pm when I meet my friend. I told him I was upset to cancel with her he said you see her a lot. Then asked if I would move overseas with him and 3 DCs, and I could get a flight to see her once a month. My friend and me have no fam so are close like sisters.

OP posts:
whirlygirly · 27/02/2018 22:14

I'm a bit confused by all this. Is it just her he has the issue with? Does he treat you well now?

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 27/02/2018 22:58

Well he is still a dick sometimes, and the relationship is not great.
Sorry my post was confusing.
He takes issue with her mostly, but also sulks if I go out with anyone else, though less.
I feel like he always sabotages me from seeing her, and gets very grumpy when I do see her, and texts constantly when I'm with her.
Odd.

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 28/02/2018 00:46

His feelings - that he does not like her - are totally fine and valid.

His behaviour- sulking, isolating you, texting you constantly while you’re with her - is totally unacceptable.

Cavender · 28/02/2018 00:48

Nope my DH likes all my friends.

It sounds like he doesn’t like her because she holds a mirror up to his bad behaviour.

Cavender · 28/02/2018 00:50

Btw if he makes it difficult for you to see her when she lives nearby the likelihood that he’ll allow you to fly home once a month to see her is nil.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 28/02/2018 00:51

Yep! We actually moved away because of it.

RamblinRosie · 28/02/2018 01:25

No, no, no!

He treats you badly.

Why on earth would he not introduce you in a foreign country, then help you to be part of the conversation by translating? Social anxiety, my arse, what were you? A decoration? A man-bag?

No wonder your friend is shocked, and no wonder he wants to separate you from your friend, she's telling you the truth. If you move abroad you'll never get your trips back, you'll never see your friend again....

Why are you staying with him? He's being nasty to you, he doesn't care about you.

My DH took me abroad to a country where I didn't know the language, I had a great time, because he spent a lot of time translating so I felt really included, and the locals reacted by using their limited knowledge of my language.

MrsDilber · 28/02/2018 01:37

No DH likes my friends and is happy when I go out with them.

Coyoacan · 28/02/2018 03:42

Sorry, OP, this is the action of an abusive person. The last thing they want is for you to have a social network.

Olicity17 · 28/02/2018 05:08

My ex dh hates my friends. Especially my best friend.

Its one of the main reasons he is the ex. He hated that i had someone other than him and someone to talk to. Someone that would support me.

He tried to sabotage anytime i spent with her. I am so glad I ditched him and not her.

Shoxfordian · 28/02/2018 05:54

He's trying to isolate you from her because she can see how badly he treats you.

He sounds like a knob

BitchQueen90 · 28/02/2018 05:58

He's trying to control you. That's not good.

DownTownAbbey · 28/02/2018 07:19

I've just read your other thread. Your DH is a dick and a misogynistic arse. Reading this thread he sounds abusive too.

Isolating you from your friend is not on. He doesn't like her because she's got him pegged, correctly, as a twat.

Sn0tnose · 28/02/2018 13:54

My DH and my friends get on really well. They think the world of him and he encourages me to see them whenever I'm able to. However, my DH is lovely and is never selfish or unkind to me, so they have no reason to be concerned about him.

As others have said, he doesn't like her because she's seen his behaviour towards you and doesn't approve of it. He wants to break your friendship because he doesn't want her to make you realise what an arse he is. If you move abroad with him, you'll have more chance of getting return tickets to the moon than you will of getting tickets to visit her.

Coyoacan · 28/02/2018 14:15

The only man who ever tried to separate me from my friends was the abusive one. If you read mumsnet enough you will see how helpless women feel when they want out of a relationship and have no-one to turn to. In fact, many women don't want out of horrible abusive relationships because their abuser is the only adult in their lives.

TatianaLarina · 28/02/2018 14:28

Why would you move abroad with a dick?

TatianaLarina · 28/02/2018 14:29

If the relationship is ‘not great’ and you split, you may get stuck there with the kids.

Slomi · 28/02/2018 15:39

I really dislike one of DP's many friends (with reason) and I have often made any excuse to avoid having to go with him to meet this person either alone or in group setting. But I would never in a million years sulk because he's hanging out with them or try to dictate when or if he sees them. That is abuse or at the very least the beginnings of it. Your dh is trying to control you. Please do not go abroad with him, he will only get worse.

RavenLG · 28/02/2018 15:44

Nope. DP loves my friends and they him. I don't think I could be with someone if they hated the people who meant the most to me. Especially since we live in his home town miles away from my friends and family (I moved here prior to meeting him, for uni, assumed I would move back after I graduated but love the city and him so stayed). I love his friends too and his girlfriends are my girls now too.

This seems more than him not liking your friends though .

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 28/02/2018 17:30

@downtonabbey
Yes I've posted other things about him
I guess I've become so confused because he's always said I'm in the wrong so much so that I started to think he's right, because of how extreme he'd be. I've been surprised to see the reactions here from others. It's really helped me see how bad he is, he is a dick, I need to ltb I feel so sad it's taken me so long to see his behaviour for what it is.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 28/02/2018 18:18

Well he is still a dick sometimes, and the relationship is not great.

Time to go then!

You mentioned you don't have any family - do you feel you may have taken on damaging messages about your self-worth while you were growing up?

Original poster
WishfulWanderer · 28/02/2018 20:58

I was super confident when I met him
He was super anxious
And now it's gone the opposite way
My family died in an accident when I was young, but were lovely.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 01/03/2018 13:34

He’s basically kicked all the confidence out of you.

I’m very sorry to hear about your family.

thecatsthecats · 01/03/2018 14:09

I hate my fiance's best friend. It's an unspoken thing between us, but I actively support the friendship, and don't undermine it in any way. I just hope that one day his eyes will open that the shit way he treats other people isn't something he (my fiance) is immune from.

Jellyheadbang · 01/03/2018 14:26

I’ve lost my sister because of an abusive cunt like this.
Because I challenge his wanky behaviour I’m no longer allowed to see my nephews and will not see my new baby niece who’s due to be born anytime soon.
I hate him for what he’s done. I wish I could have bitten my tongue but I couldn’t stand by and say nothing about his behaviour.
My sister won’t accept any bad words about him.
He’s pretty much isolated her from her whole family, apart from our ea mother.
his family are very rich and his mum is victim to and complicit in his power games too.
My sister has lots of friends, most of whom have or have had horrible partners and would never stand up to my arsehole of a bil.