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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just seen my friends DP OLD - come explain to me how the app works!!

35 replies

SilverdaleGlen · 26/02/2018 19:46

Friend has a DP, 7 months in but love, marriage and babies in the near future. They are together whenever they can be but he works away in the week. Totally integrated into each other's lives including DC.

Anyway I was train Tindering (I travel for work) and passing his home town, he came up. I've done a sneaky text to her and he is home not away today.

So give me a reasonable explanation. If he was on there 5+ months ago and not since he met her could his profile still just be live?

If I leave his profile open (not swiping) will his information update if he moves and uses it? Thus me being able to see it's a dead profile or active (he's travelling from today all week).

Do I tell her?? He genuinely doesn't seem the cheating type and she's a catch he would be foolish to blow. Don't want to be caught in the crossfire of a dead abandoned profile! Also don't want to hurt her, she's so happy at last.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 26/02/2018 19:48

I wouldnt say anything until I knew for certain he was maintaining his profile.

And Im a nosy cow so I would be checking it LOTS.

esk1mo · 26/02/2018 19:50

if you arent active on tinder then you dont show. after 5 months his profile wouldnt be showing.

also, it only updates your location if you have the app open.

HTH

Original poster
SilverdaleGlen · 26/02/2018 19:50

How do I keep it up though? It's Tinder so unless he swipes me (which would be really fucking idiotic) then at the moment it's just sat there waiting on my swipe decision and may disappear!

OP posts:
crackerjacket · 26/02/2018 19:51

No idea but bumping for people who do

crackerjacket · 26/02/2018 19:51

Screenshot??

Original poster
SilverdaleGlen · 26/02/2018 19:54

Oh hell yes I have screenshottes all 5 pics and profile info. One of them I've got a horrible feeling was taken on a trip he made about 4 months ago but I can't be sure.

But is it going to disappear if I don't swipe either way? Will the location update if I keep it open and unswiped.

OP posts:
esk1mo · 26/02/2018 19:57

id just not swipe, and keep the app running in the background.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 26/02/2018 20:01

Just show her the profile screenshots & then she will have to do the digging .

Trust me you are not a true friend if you don't show her! Xx

Adventuritis · 26/02/2018 20:02

If you just close the app without swiping he’ll come up again when you reopen it.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 26/02/2018 20:10

Set up a fake profile for better snooping.

Original poster
SilverdaleGlen · 26/02/2018 21:10

I'm a genius, I have "recommended" him to my other phone so can now get the profile back at any point.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 26/02/2018 21:17

Yep deffo set up a fake profile.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 26/02/2018 21:23

@SilverdaleGlen yes you are! Wink

Snakie · 26/02/2018 21:23

I’ve had this with a friend of a friend’s partner. And I think I’m currently trying to work out (so someone please tell me if I’m wrong - this was also Tinder) if he deleted the app but didn’t delete his account. Therefore his profile is still on Tinder even is he is not. Is this likely?
I know, for instance, that I was still showing on another OLD site when I’d deleted the app but not my account.

Snakie · 26/02/2018 21:24

@esk1mo is that definitely true re only showing if you’re active?

SleepFreeZone · 26/02/2018 21:26

I second the fake profile idea. See if you can get him talking.

Thebluedog · 26/02/2018 21:27

The more active you are on tinder the more likely you are to come up. If he’d been inactive for several months it’s highly unlikely he’d have appeared.

Linning · 26/02/2018 23:21

I think you should just send everything you have to your friend and ask her if she wants you to investigate further by either making a fake profile etc... don't do anything more before talking to her as it could unfortunately come around to bite you.

She may chose to brush it off or investigate herself but I don't think you should create a fake profile and talk to her partner without her knowing about it.

Cricrichan · 26/02/2018 23:25

Agree with linning. Tell her what you know but also say you're unsure how tinder works and don't want to worry her but also don't want her being played for a fool.

esk1mo · 26/02/2018 23:27

if you’re really unsure, pay for tinder plus (£4 for 1 month) then choose “arrange by most recently active”

that way it shows you in order of who has most recently been online

esk1mo · 26/02/2018 23:28

ie. who has most recently opened the app and been swiping/chatting

DrFoxtrot · 27/02/2018 00:05

When I was on tinder I did come across a couple of people who I knew had dormant old profiles, but they only came up after hours of swiping and after I’d had several ‘there’s nobody new around you’ screens. So I think they come up when tinder is scraping the barrel.

If he came up almost immediately that you were near his town, he might be more likely to be active?

Also the photo that you think might be 4 months old, can you see his Facebook page? You could look to see when the photo was added to Facebook then it must be since then he uploaded it to tinder.

DrFoxtrot · 27/02/2018 00:07

I also once closed the app on a profile I wanted to show my sister. By the time I’d driven to hers (sad I know Grin ) it had gone and I had to swipe to find it again.

bonfireheart · 27/02/2018 00:15

Forget the fake account that's just game playing.
Tell your friend.

PJsAndABlanketOnTheSofa · 27/02/2018 08:14

I agree with tell the friend and let her do the investigating. With your help/support if she wants it.

I think it's right you tell her but it's her issue to deal with, not yours.