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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just told BF I never want to see him again

59 replies

Nolongerwithauser · 26/02/2018 18:01

I'm so fucking angry and I'm shaking with rage but he thinks I'm being massively unreasonable.

Massive backstory that I've posted about before. Been with DP two years and he has an ex that won't let go of him. When we got together she really was pretty awful about me, really didn't want us to be together (they are still friends) said I had a personality disorder (I don't). She ended up removing him as a friend on FB as she 'couldn't handle seeing him do lovely things with her' her words. Didn't see or speak to each other much for a year.

Fast forward to October last year and DP started having a rough patch and low and behold, she appears as his FB friend. Messages start between them and basically she has started buying him to work at her house. Loads of pathetic little jobs, which he lied to me about twice. Said he wasn't there, found out he was. I was angry about him lying so we split for a few weeks but got back together.

This weekend was kind of the last straw. He said he was working there this Sat afternoon for 3 hours, 2-5pm. We'd had a bit of an argument on Thursday night as he said he had no joy in his life after us taken him away, all expenses paid, the weekend before. So he left my house on Thursday night at 11pm. I felt like he engineered this argument if I'm honest.

Saturday he ignored me and finally got in touch at 8pm after knowing I'd need a lift to the hospital to see emergency GP at 10pm. I told him to fuck off, drive myself there, bleeding heavily as I've got a condition with my womb. In loads of pain.

Anyway he came round last night and we worked it out. He said he was only going there for the money etc.

Fast forward to today, I got sent home from work with my illness and he phoned me at 5pm and said 'I'm not coming round tonight, I'm working at ex's'.

So I lost it and told him to fuck off. He popped in and we had a shouting match, basically he's saying he doesn't care if she's got feelings for him, he needs to do all this work for her for the money. However it makes me feel doesn't matter. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nolongerwithauser · 26/02/2018 19:16

I already feel strong about this. My life is so much richer than theirs. I have 3 DC's, a good job, good income, loads of amazing family and friends and I'm very funny Grin

They are in their 40's with no money, addicted to weed, few friends and both are really negative. She pretends on FB she's in a relationship with her lodger ha!

My self esteem needs to improve massively. I've taken the first step in getting it back Smile

OP posts:
MmeGuillotine · 26/02/2018 19:17

Definitely tell him to fuck off. I'm so over these pathetic little men who can't leave their exes alone. It's so BORING and shit. Nothing worse than feeling like a footnote to someone else's grubby little romance. You can definitely do better for yourself than this mewling man child.

Sarahh2014 · 26/02/2018 19:35

Sounds like he's dipping his toe back in the water with his ex and not sure which of u he wants

Original poster
Nolongerwithauser · 26/02/2018 19:36

Well, he doesn't have the option anymore. The fucking loser can fuck right off!

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/02/2018 22:15

I won't but it was nice to write it down. Dignity. Grin yes put it here and don't give them the satisfaction!

DancesWithOtters · 26/02/2018 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 · 26/02/2018 22:32

Drop kick him to the moon Sweetheart... you keep walking and do not look back Flowers

Original poster
Nolongerwithauser · 27/02/2018 08:36

This is the message I've had off him this morning:

I don't get anything. Looks like I've fucked your head up as much as you've fucked mine.

He's not sorry or upset at all. It's like this is my fault? I don't get it?

OP posts:
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 27/02/2018 08:51

Reply 'who is this'. then block.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/02/2018 09:20

'Go freeload off your Ex. I'm done with you!'
Then block!

MistressDeeCee · 27/02/2018 09:22

Why do you have to get it OP? I'd bet he's not so far away from his ex whilst texting you.

LuckyLuckyWoman · 27/02/2018 09:31

When I started reading this I thought you'd be teenagers!

Just block him, you are your children are worth so much more.

Best revenge is to get on with your life and be happy, which will be far easier without him in your life

newcarsmell · 27/02/2018 09:37

Why would someone with 3 dc's be dating a guy like this? Get your shit together.

Sorry if that's harsh but honestly. He's obviously shagging her, and you're giving him money that should be for your kids.

Original poster
Nolongerwithauser · 27/02/2018 09:38

Why do I have to get it? Because I've been with him for 2 years and I want to understand why this man, who claims to love me and knowing how rough I've had it in the past, would do this to me? This isn't just some story in the internet. It's my life and I finally trusted someone and it has blown up in my face. I know I have contributed to this situation and talking it through helps me process it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nolongerwithauser · 27/02/2018 09:40

I don't think he is shagging her, I think he keeps her around to boost his ego because she obviously adores him.

Keeping that ego boost is obviously more important to him than me. I can see that.

OP posts:
DevilsDoorbell · 27/02/2018 09:49

But you will never understand it because it’s not how you think. And trying will just twist you in knots. You know you are in the right but each time he contacts you, you doubt yourself a little bit more.

Block them both and move on with your life.

Original poster
Nolongerwithauser · 27/02/2018 09:51

I do feel twisted in knots. I was so sorted when I met him. I'd left an abusive marriage, retrained and had a great social life and now I feel like I'm upside down again Sad

OP posts:
Groovee · 27/02/2018 09:52

You need to delete and block and move on knowing that he taught you that you deserve more!

Afternoon · 27/02/2018 09:55

You say you want to understand "why" he would do this. I think the reason is this. He isn't the person you thought, and has this other side to him which is dishonest, selfish and manipulative. If you're looking for a reason why a trustworthy and nice person would do these things, the answer is that they wouldn't. LTB.

Bluntness100 · 27/02/2018 10:00

Sounds like he just uses women for money. You and her. You seem to have more in common than you think.

You're better off out of it. As is she.

MrsElvis · 27/02/2018 10:03

He's an utter test at best please get rid

Ohyesiam · 27/02/2018 10:48

The "why" is that he will do anything to her his needs, even when it means fucking you over.
His ego needs propping up, so he goes to her. His bank balance needs propping up, he goes to you. Etc.
You are tied in knots trying to understand it, but because you are not a weed head scrounger, you won't understand it. You wouldn't sink so low.
Take a deep deep breath, and imagine him floating far far away, of into about life where you no longer have to provide for him, or try to make sense of him.
Saying you never want to see him again is the best thing. Well done op, stay strong.

Ohyesiam · 27/02/2018 10:49

Sorry didn't proof read, to meet his needs, not her his needs.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 27/02/2018 11:04

Bet she is pregnant...

S0ph1a · 27/02/2018 11:10

Delete and block

And sign up for the freedom programme to help you understand why you chose this man after leaving an abusive marriage.

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