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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My ex has thrown me out...

34 replies

fruity12 · 25/02/2018 20:00

Anyone reading my other posts would know that I left my abusive partner a few weeks ago but have been coming and going the last few weeks to get stuff
I went back today and he kicked off...he threw me into the bed, put his head hard against mine and told me if I've come back to get more stuff, I can go now
He was shouting go go go now and started throwing all my things on the drive
I have a lot of stuff there and the plan was I get the keys to my new place next Monday when I will getting a man an van
Anyway I had to call the police, just to attend for preventing the breach of peace and my mum and step dad came to help me
I had to try take as much as I can but sadly I've left so much as i couldn't fit it all in
The police tried to mediate with him saying I can come next Monday to get my things but he said he wasn't having any of it that I have to come
Tomorrow at 4
I'm working and my little one is in club til 5...I'm at my mums and my little one is in bed and it's fine to stay here until I get my keys
He owes me £1700 and he told the officer if I don't collect tomorrow he will put it all outside
He was horrible in front of them too
I didn't tell them about what he did as he will only make my life hell from now on anyway so I just want to get away from him as soon as possible

OP posts:
BettyBaggins · 25/02/2018 20:03

I think its probably best to get your things away from him as soon as possible, you need company with you or can someone go for you?

Sorry to hear you are going through this Flowers

Desmondo2016 · 25/02/2018 20:04

Why didn't you tell the police he had assaulted you?

Caucho · 25/02/2018 20:11

How many times on here do you read just pack his bags and throw them on the street type comments on here?

Original poster
fruity12 · 25/02/2018 20:41

Because they would have arrested him and it would make my life hell?

OP posts:
Original poster
fruity12 · 25/02/2018 20:42

He has a lot of my stuff and owes me money that's why
I'm scared

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 25/02/2018 22:52

Tell your employers what's going on and get time off to collect your things.

He's a nasty piece of work.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 25/02/2018 23:04

Tell your employers what's going on and get time off to collect your things. Yes, if he's serious then you need to be there, get your stuff and make a clean break. If you have to write off the money then maybe that's what you have to do to be able to get away from him. Take someone with you when you go, if you can get the police to accompany you so much the better, but at least another person who can help keep things calm. He sounds like he has the potential to go off the rails at this point. Stay safe x

Giraffey1 · 25/02/2018 23:10

Sounds as if him being arrested would be a very good thing.
Take the day off, get a few friends to come with you and collect the rest of your belongings.

Gemini69 · 25/02/2018 23:19

you've given him all the power in this Split... you kept communication open... you allowed him to belittle you again.... you need to take back control... stop treating him like someone who care about you... and treat him as the man who is assaulting you... get your stuff out of there... and Press Charges.. Flowers

NotTheFordType · 26/02/2018 06:37

You're not going to get your money so forget that.

The remaining things you've left there, is there anything that will be a major financial loss? This man is dangerous and it's really not worth putting yourself in reach of him.

Original poster
fruity12 · 26/02/2018 10:22

Thanks peeps
Bad day yesterday
Woke to a load of messages saying he's sorry, he's sad, he's fucked in the head and can just hear noise ??? He loves me and he would never not give my stuff back
But yet can throw me out
Said he can wait until next Monday for me to come get my things
Said no I'm coming tonight as planned
I have a man and van and going there with him and my step dad
He kept saying it can be next Monday but said no it's all arranged
I've come to work as I can't just not come in, someone in my office left last week and I'm doing payroll and things no one else can do plus I'm not going there til 5
God knows what I'm going to do with my stuff but hopefully can distribute it just until I get my keys to my youse next week
I just want my things and if I wait til Monday I have to keep communicating with him
Least I can block for hood after tonight
He said he's going to pay me so if I get any money good if I don't then I'll write it off and learn from my lesson, I won't be contacting him to chase it
Said to transfer me the £ to my bank as and when with no contact

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/02/2018 11:17

if I wait til Monday I have to keep communicating with him bingo! He is playing such a stupid game, whatever you say you want to do he says the opposite to keep you on the back foot.

Go tonight, get it done, block him and join the no contact thread to give you resolve to stay away. Good luck!

Original poster
fruity12 · 26/02/2018 12:32

He's been messaging me sorry all morning, he's now seen the light, can't believe he's put me through it and talking about pills and a bottle of vodka...Shock

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 26/02/2018 12:37

Oh boy! He really is following the script, isn’t he, OP. Tell him you’ll phone an ambulance for him if he feels that bad. DO NOT BE TAKEN IN BY HIM. This is a ploy.

Angelf1sh · 26/02/2018 12:40

Let him take them if he wants to, that’s on him. Just get your stuff as planned.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 26/02/2018 12:40

Yes - what PostivelyPERF said! It's so predictable, it would be laughable if it weren't your life he's playing with.

Harden you heart to him, if he persists with these threats and you honestly believe them, you can treat him as mentally unstable and report his suicide threat to 999, then let them deal with him. You don't want it on your conscience if he did something stupid, but it's not on you to do anything to prevent him doing it, other than get the professional services involved.

You are not at his beck and call and he can't emotionally blackmail you into anything if you don't let him.

Original poster
fruity12 · 26/02/2018 12:45

That made me chuckle and I know it shouldn't
I agree I just felt upset when he said that, he said he feels lost and depressed
But he didn't care how it made me feel
I keep thinking of all the things that are there
I will better once I get my things back

OP posts:
Afterthestorm · 26/02/2018 12:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PositivelyPERF · 26/02/2018 12:46

Yup. It’s ALL about how HE feels, isn’t it OP.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2018 12:40

Hi OP,

Did you get your stuff back last night?

He sounds like a nightmare, no wonder he is your Ex!

Original poster
fruity12 · 27/02/2018 14:17

Hiya

Yes I did, was an absolute nightmare
Had so much more than I thought
Bearing in mind I couldn't and didn't have the opportunity to pack any of my things myself, just collected. All my life were put into carrier bags. Neatly I must add but it was completely soul destroying.
I distributed between friends and family and counting down til I get the keys of my house Monday.
At my mums and bags and stuff everywhere, I feel very sick and annoyed but glad I'm away from him

OP posts:
TellsEveryoneRealFacts · 27/02/2018 14:19

It is one week, lean into it and soon you will be in your new place and free of him.

PositivelyPERF · 27/02/2018 14:27

Well done OP. You’ve just proven that you’re stronger than you think. Come back when you’ve moved in and tell us how you’re getting on.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2018 14:46

Well done. When I collected all my stuff from my ex, he hadn't even bothered with the bags, he just threw it all into a big pile in the middle of the kitchen floor! Confused Even his Mum was embarrassed (and she through the sun shone out of his backside).

Just count down until Monday and your lovely new home. And you're free!!! Flowers

Original poster
fruity12 · 27/02/2018 16:55

Thanks, I just feel really lost today
Think because I had a day off and it wasn't planned and I've just felt like a lost soul at my mums walking around not really belonging
As much as I love my mums it's not mine and I just feel really out of sorts
Like even saying I would prepare a dinner for us made the smallest task hard trying to work out where everything in her kitchen was as she was at work
Bad anxiety and I just want to wish this week away.....that's what I feel I'm doing at the moment wasting my life away when I really should be enjoying life

OP posts:
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