Appointment for forgetting...DP pushing

[ifIwasinvisiblewaitIalreadyam]

Hi everyone, just want some advice please...bit of back story, been having some issues with eldest behaviour after he was assaulted at his old nursery, trouble settling him in new school nursery but he seems to be levelling out and getting so much better. His health visitor referred him to be checked out as he sometimes doesn't give eye contact but nothing any more worrisome.
Well I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which has a lot of symptoms and extreme pain, along with brain fog, so I'm quite forgetful.
Well my sons father (DP on/off) wants me to make an appointment at the Drs to inform them of my forgetfulness as I have forgotten a couple of our sons appointments and he thinks they'll start pointing thinking I'm incapable or something. But I know my forgetfulness is due to my condition and doesn't help when I'm stressed. So I don't think there is anything the Dr can do. I don't understand why he's pushing so much. I don't want to have on my record "forgets sons appointments" as I feel like I'm opening myself up to anything in the future, if we ever split he can just be like "well it is in her records that she doesn't bother to show up for appointments, due to her EDS" I don't want that. Am I overthinking it or is he actually doing what I think??
He just went mad as me for sighing when he mentioned it again. Started having a go at me. I don't see the big deal. Surely I can just have a word with the health visitor and say it wasn't done intentionally. She's a lovely lady and has been so helpful since the nursery incident. X

Have you strategies in place to help you not forget?

You say your HV is lovely. What about discussing this with her? Including that your DP is pushing for you to get it recorded that you are forgetful, and your thoughts on why this might be?

You know yourself and with pain and a lot on your mind stuff can slip - uneccessary to see a Dr unless YOU are worried and think it’d help.

If he actually wants to help perhaps HE could remember stuff and remind you.

Or remember stuff and DO it himself.

@Nanny0gg I have tried putting appointments on the fridge and stuff like that but I even forget that and so does he. He take great pleasure if coming to me and saying "you forgot DS1's appointment the other day" then I get lectured and he doesn't think it's his issue too if he forgets. He's quite self involved and his only two worries are himself and work. X

@WheresTheHooferDoofer I think I might have a word with her, probably my best option.

@Dozer I totally agree that it's unnecessary to bother the doctors. I'm not overly worried, I forget a normal amount I would say. And my pain and stress does affect it and he's brought a lot of that on me atm as just before Christmas he quit his job so I'm stressed out with bills and everything else. X

Would alarms on your phone help? Also worth asking for thyroxine to be checked as that can produce a fog. You might have both EDS and hypothyroidism.

I set alarms on my phone as soon as I make appointments - it really helps me. Also, Google calendar can send reminders. I prefer the phone as it's hard to miss an alarm.

And yes, he could call and remind you, would it really be that difficult? But if I were you I'd take steps to fix this myself as he sounds like he enjoys catching you out.

I 2nd the setting reminders on your phone-really easy to do, just pop the appointment on your phone calendar & add reminder.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for not wanting to make it official that you forget appointments. However I can also see how it will or could appear if you continue to miss appointments and it isn’t clear to others WHY this is...

So like others have suggested I think you need key methods to remind you- primary and secondary methods so if you miss one another kicks in as a failsafe. So phone reminder plus written ones. Or a daily list kept on your phone that you update and check on daily. Etc.

Totally agree with phone reminders, you can set a couple of alerts, and on iPad if you use one...I use this everyday

Sorry if I sound harsh but you really need to get on top of this. I have EDS too and I understand the scatterbrain, but your DS appointments are important.
If they are looking at autism, which I assume with you referencing eye contact, those appointments are hard to come by. It’s quite negligent to not get him there.
I honestly understand how hard it is to keep on top of things but you need to find a way of remembering.
I use the calendar and alarms on my phone religiously, or else I forget.
I hope that doesn’t sound harsh. I do get it.

Apologies if I’ve misunderstood- just realised DS is nursery age, so may not be the type of appointments I assumed.

@NC4Now you don't sound harsh at all. He is nursery age and atm they are checking things like his hearing and things like that. He has just had his tonsils out as he had moderate to severe sleep apnea so he wasn't sleeping and his speech therapist said he would change a lot after having them out which he has. And the appointment I missed was for a paediatric dr to see what they thought. I do try my best everyday to not let my EDS get in the way but sometimes the pain is the only thing that I can think about and I don't have a lot of help. Sometimes my best isn't good enough but I try.

I will be doubling up on my alarms and writing notes everywhere. Hopefully that helps.

X

@shouldwestayorshouldwego would hyperthyroidism really have an effect on memory?? I don't know much about that. It might be an idea tho. X

@shouldwestayorshouldwego sorry hypothyroidism I mean x

Your DS has two parents - why isn't the other one doing anything about the appointments (other than being a dick after the fact)?

Your DOs attitude bothers me an awful lot... he is revelling in it???

Phone reminders would be a good plus a written diary that you check every morning and lunchtime?

It’s difficult isn’t it? Mine isn’t too bad at the moment thankfully, but I’ve had times when it’s got the better of me and I’ve really struggled.
Is your DP a bit flakey with you though? On/off doesn’t sound very reliable or great tbh.

I second the comment that your DS has two parents.

I have EDS too and the pain, brain fog and tiredness is hard to manage.

Try and get some basic reminder processes in place, wall calendar, phone alarms, telling other people so they remind you etc.

Most importantly tell your OH that it's equally his responsibility to remember, remind you and take an active role in your sons schedule and appointments.

Yes cognitive function and memory impairment is a big flag for low thyroid, or anaemia. Might be exacerbated by the EDS if it affects your gut too as you might be malnourished. It is worth talking to your GP and asking for a few blood tests.

Chronically ill woman here too (tis a great club eh). I have a neuro condition that really messes with my basic cognitive skills and memories sometimes. Sometimes I'll set numerous reminders but will forget I've even looked at them. Shit happens. We can but try.

Tell your "D"P to stop being such a useless prick grow up.

I think his concerns are legitimate - I know that I have had NHS appointments where it states quite clearly that if you fail to keep an appointment then you will immediately lose your place on the list. So missing appointments can be a big deal. But it doesn't sound like he is being at all supportive - as his father he should be taking equal responsibility for his son's appointments and working with you to support you, not undermining you.

Is he making an appointment for himself to figure out why he can’t remember these things either?

Your forgetfulness is tied to your EDS and fair enough it seems that you need to implement strategies that will work for you in regards to keeping on top of this stuff. But what’s his excuse? He needs an appt to figure that out.