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Original poster

How do you cope 'sharing' your children?

26 replies

Scree · 03/05/2007 16:10

I have serious doubts about relationship with oh, and fantasise occasionally about ending it with him, but I just can't stand the thought of DDs being away from me. I couldn't bear for them to stay the night wihout me, or spend a weekend away from me. Just out of interest really, how do you cope, and what sort of arrangements are normal, i.e. every other weekend away with oh??

I guess my littlies are still very little 18months and 3 months, so I will probably be able to cope better when they're older, but I just can't imagine it.

OP posts:
LucyJones · 03/05/2007 16:12

I don't have any experience of splitting up I'm afraid but do you mena that your OH is their dad? Don't you trust your kids with him? I regularly leave mine with my dh so I can go away for weekends with my mates.

Original poster
Scree · 03/05/2007 16:20

Yes, oh is their Dad, and I definitely do trust him with them. I just can't bear the thought of them not being at 'home' with me.

OP posts:
gingertoo · 03/05/2007 16:25

My first DH left me when DS1 was 3 and DS2 was 1. It was very, very, very hard.

BUT, I always found it better than being in a crappy relationship......

FiveFingeredFiend · 03/05/2007 16:25

It seems perhaps the only good bit of a split, one gets to fob of the kids for a weekend ( if they are lucky)

Dinosaur · 03/05/2007 16:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Scree · 03/05/2007 16:34

Dinosaur, why would it mean losing residence of the kids? What do you mean? Aaahhhh!

OP posts:
FiveFingeredFiend · 03/05/2007 16:35

i think dinosaur got the wrong end of the stick

it wouldnt unless you were a shit mum - or you didn't want residence.

I am your polar opposite. I cannot understand you wanting to be with your children a ll the time. i think its freaky.

Dinosaur · 03/05/2007 16:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Scree · 03/05/2007 16:38

lol fff. But they're only tiny! I'd hate to send them off with little bags of their things to their other home. I'd just HATE it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Scree · 03/05/2007 16:40

Also, I think that if we did seperate, I would struggle to stay in London, and would probably move back up north. he would never leave London.

OP posts:
gingertoo · 03/05/2007 16:42

It is really hard to send them off every weekend with their little suitcase (full of stuff, incidently, that you might not see again!!!) Mine are now 6 and 8 and I still hate it BUT I now have a new DH and I relish the night alone with him.

Original poster
Scree · 03/05/2007 17:47

OMG gingertoo, every weekend???

OP posts:
gingertoo · 04/05/2007 08:17

Yes!! Every weekend!!

Not for the whole weekend tho. This weekend they are going tonight after school and I will pick them up mid-morning tomorrow so the rest of the weekend is ours!!

MissRible · 04/05/2007 08:24

This weekend is the first weekend that seperated dh is taking dc's - starting Saturday 6.00pm. I'm very relaxed about it. (sshh don't tell dd but I'm secretly decorating her bedroom this weekend).

gingertoo · 04/05/2007 09:08

I think you have to learn to be positive about it don't you? I miss the boys like crazy when they are away BUT, I like to think that the time I spend away from them lets me recharge my batteries a bit, spend some time with DH and allows me to catch up with some of the boring jobs so that I can spend the rest of the weekend enjoying my kids.

anniemac · 04/05/2007 09:55

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Message withdrawn

gingertoo · 04/05/2007 10:03

Definitely, anniemac, to start with it was horrendous. Tears at mum's cos they were missing dad then tears when they were at dad's cos they were missing mum. We have a good balance now tho, and thankfully my ex and I have remained amicable and don't feel threatened by our kids love for the other parent.....If the boys are missing their dad, we give him a call or call in and say Hi for 5 mins at work on the way home from school. Likewise, he always gets the kids to give me a call to say goodnight before they go to bed at his!......I think if both of you always put the kids interests first you can get through it.

speccy · 04/05/2007 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anniemac · 04/05/2007 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

gingertoo · 04/05/2007 11:56

anniemac

goodnanny · 04/05/2007 12:52

both my kiddies go away every weekend from fri night til sun night........
i do miss them but..
absolute bliss at the same time!!!

i really appreciate the time i get to myself, to study or go out with friends or whatever, its really lovely!

dmo · 04/05/2007 13:01

worth splitting up then

my boys are away this weekend camping with cubs cant wait

kimi · 04/05/2007 13:20

Scree, DH1 and I split up after 15 years of marriage and have two children age 10 and 6.
I was distraught at the thought of the family splitting although it was my decision to leave.

However DH1 and I are very good friends and the children spend the weekends staying with Daddy at home, see him every day after school, we go to him or he comes to us. They stay some school night's although that means I have to get up extra early and go get them for school.
I have a new partner who is very good about DH1 coming for dinner or us going there.

If you are going to be the one to end the relationship, then you are going to have to except that you can not be selfish and have the children all to yourself, they are his children as much as they are yours.
And you will not die if you do not spend every moment with them, how would YOU like it if your OH dumped you packed up and took the kids to live at the other end of the country???

lovemybed · 04/05/2007 13:52

gingertoo and her ex could teach a lot of people a thing or to, nothing worse than seeing children pulled between there parents

Anniegetyourgun · 04/05/2007 14:04

I'm going through the sorting things out before we split phase. We only have one child who's still a child, the others are over 18 so can make their own choices.

I wouldn't move to the other end of the country but might want to move to another part of the same county where property is cheaper. Like Dinosaur I've been the earning parent since Day 1 and he was a sort of SAHD until a few months ago, when he realised I wasn't going to keep him any longer. (No insult to genuine SAHDs intended.) STBXH has moved from a position of "you're the one who wants to break up the family, I'm staying put and getting the children and you'll have to pay, har har" to a more realistic "let's share residence 50-50". After all these years of raising kiddies whilst full-time working I expect not to mind at all if DS goes to his other home every other week - I'll be glad of the break, even though he is a very undemanding child. I know his dad loves him and is capable of doing at least the basics for him. However I'm concerned that if I don't have primary residence the STBXH will be able to dictate where I live, effectively, because it won't suit HIM to drive further if DS goes to a different school etc. I think I need to be in the driving seat because I trust myself a lot more to do what is reasonable than I trust him. Am seeking legal advice, of course.

Er - does that make sense?

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