Tinder

[brittanyfairies]

I've been seeing a new guy for the past 6 months whom I met on Tinder. My XH cheated on me which has left me with massive trust issues,which I didn't realise I had until in this new relationship.

New guy has assured me he's no longer looking for anyone on Tinder. I must confess I check his Tinder profile every now and then. When he went back to his home town at Christmas his mileage changed so I knew he had logged onto the app. I didn't make a fuss, I just asked him about it. He said he'd been showing Tinder to a friend. He assured me he wanted to be exclusive. At that point even if he had been meeting other people it wouldn't have been a problem I'd have just continued on a casual basis.

When I was bored last night I just flicked onto his Tinder profile and his description had changed. I asked him about it, he got very defensive and said it had always been like that. But In fact just two days before I'd told a friend about him and actually shown her his tinder profile which still had his original wording.

He has made me feel like I'm going mad and am now doubting what I know I've seen. So my question is could Tinder have accidentally reverted back to an old profile that he once had, or has he changed it himself?

If he wanted to be casual I wouldn't have minded but I can't deal with lies and being made to feel like I'm going crazy. I had enough of that in my marriage.

If it is a software glitch I will happily apologise, but if not them I'm walking away

I'm sorry hun. But I think you already know what the probable truth is. Unless he's doing what you're doing and checking your tinder profile, but I'd think he would have admitted to that already. I haven't used it so I'm not sure how that works exactly.

His reaction says it all. Him getting defensive spells guilt. No tinder wouldn't have a glitch like that. He clearly changed it and is gas lighting you to believe you're imagining it!! After 6 months surely you would had deleted the app if you were exclusive?
I'd personally run!

If he wants to be exclusive, why is he still on tinder? And, you? Surely if you're focusing on this relationship, you can and should delete tinder. You could always go back if things don't work out.

Give this man the boot, you do not need all this gaslighting and associated abusive crap after only six months. This is well and truly over now. This man is probably not all that dissimilar to your ex either.

He changed his tinder profile himself, they would not have changed it back to an old profile he once had. Tinder would not have changed his profile back to his original one either. Why did he get defensive as well, its because you caught him out in a lie.

Love your own self for a change and give yourself time and space to heal properly. Work on rebuilding your own boundaries, trust issues and self worth here through counselling.

The only way the wording on your Tinder profile can change is if you change it yourself. Sorry OP.

It didn't accidentally change
He's still using Tinder, sorry

Nope it's not a glitch

But I'm also wondering if you're both supposedly exclusive, why are you both still going on Tinder?

Software glitches don't change peoples bios on dating sites.

Thanks everyone. I ended it last night as soon as he demanded I apologise to him for asking why he'd updated his profile. I just wanted confirmation really that it couldn't have been a software glitch.

I've been divorced for 6 years, this was the first guy I let my barriers down a little bit for. I only told one friend about him this week as I was starting to trust him. So glad I hadn't brought him home to meet the kids which I was beginning to think was the next step.

I just hadn't taken the Tinder app off my phone. I only logged onto it this week to show my friend his profile and photo.

I think you have dodged a bullet there re this person on Tinder.

I would read the Baggage reclaim website by Natalie.
Have a look too at the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid particularly if your last relationship was based on gaslighting and other abusive behaviours.

You sound like you've got boundaries in place, you've ended things when you saw a red flag, you've been with him 6 months and not introduced him to the kids, you've got you're head screwed on.

I'm pretty sure every single one of us who have been cheated on are affected by it going into new relationships, I now work it to my advantage, my eyes are well and truly open.

Well done, OP. You carefree and will get better than that...x

You've been seeing each other for 6 months and he or you haven't deleted your profiles? That's speaks volumes I think. After the first date with my DP we both deleted ours . Understand that is quite unusual but after a couple of months at least , especially if you have both advised you're exclusive . Dump him and block I say xxx

Just saw your update advising you dumped him, well done , wise move . xxx

Hi op,

Well done for dumping, I think you're well rid of that one. It couldn't be a software glitch and he had the audacity to demand an apology?!

Also, Tinder isn't the best place to look for someone for a long term relationship. I think a lot of people use it mainly for hook ups. Maybe try eharmony or match if you're looking for something exclusive and long term.

Sorry its turned out this way x

I also agree, dh deleted his as soon as he got home from our first date which i found incredibly romantic (he didn't tell me he had done it either, I noticed it when I went on the next morning) and I then deleted mine and sent him a screen shot to confirm I had also done it. We went from there, I didn't expect him to do it so soon but it ment we only then focused on each other, now we are married.

If he was still on it 6 months later....that's a massive red flag. If you are really into someone, you delete any dating profile you have and you should actually want to do it. Sorry op but it sounds like he wasn't willing to take that step in the first place which to me shows he's not willing to give 100% to your relationship with him, he's defo not the one for you.

Well done, wish I had done the same, I reckon you have dogded a massive bullet and chew down the line, fucking men eh

Thanks everyone. To be honest I'm not that bothered he was still on Tinder, I was never really looking for an exclusive long term relationship, it was him that was pushing for it. I was enjoying a date and adult conversation a couple of times a week.

The killer for me, was the not being straight with me when I asked him, and then trying to make me feel like I'd imagined it when I questioned it. I had enough of that nonsense in my marriage I'm not putting up with it now.

I just wanted to double check that there couldn't have been a software glitch and I hadn't unreasonably accused him of not being truthful with me.

The reason why I didn't delete Tinder from my phone was because I'm not good at deleting apps from my phone, but also truthfully to keep an eye on him. I found my XH all over dating apps, as I said he left me with serious trust issues.

I'm so glad that I played it cautious, he was really pushing for me to make a bigger commitment to him.

Tinder is fine to meet partners OP, it does have a reputation for being mostly hook ups but I've found that to be pretty unfounded. The minority who do just want that make it clear early on so you can ignore them. I've met some lovely great guys on there looking for relationships and met my lovely OH there too x

You’ve dodged a bullet there OP.

Him pushing for commitment after 6 months is absolutely crackers.

Not sure that wanting commitment after 6 months is crackers Naze.

Works for some.

@thenaze73 yeah what a nutcase , at least a decade is required before making a serious commitment

@FuckItPassMeTheWine I wouldn’t dream of committing to someone for life after 6 months. Guess we’re all different