Does anyone finally understand their mum, now they're mums themselves?

[Luxmum]

Heya, just was wondering, me and my siblings always gave out about how our mum NEVER relaxes, how if she had an spare minute she's always cleaning, or gardening, or making food from scratch like jams and chutneys and breads, and the only time she seems to relax is when she falls asleep on the sofa watching Casualty.. Now I thought it was just her being high strung (which to a degree it is) but now I have my own child, I realise that you have so little time to yourself that when they're finally asleep at 8pm, you just have to make the most of it and do everything, all the chores and anything else you want to do, all in a few hours. And maybe you get so used to rushing around, it becomes instinct. I just feel a bit bad for the constant slagging we give her, now I know how she managed with us all. I feel much more appreciateive of her and how she brought is up, now I realise how hard it is myself. Anyone else suddenly realise their mums are great?

ditto LL

same here. If DD gives me half of whet I gave mym saintly mother I have had it!

Absolutely, I completely agree with both of you. Also, when dd is ill, upset, etc and I am comforting her I think "my mum did this with me". It made me realise how my mum felt about me.

Yes. I realised how much she had loved/loves me. I mean I knew that anyway, but just as twofalls says, I was her baby once (!)

Nope still think shes bonkers, but love her anyway

No I cant understand how my mum could have been so cruel and selfish and how she could have favorites.

disliked her as a kid, not bothered about her now tbh.

I will never understand my mother, how could she have let me get myself up and dressed and go out to school on my own aged 5 The school was a 15 minute bus ride away Oh and I had to take her a cup of tea in bed before I went out

I do hope my experiences with my mum made me a better one

Definitely. I used to wonder how my mum was so saintly and hardworking. Now I realise that she loved us and that explained her massive personal sacrifices.

I think it can go either way. If you felt very close to your mum and loved, then having children makes it all make sense.

Of course, when I think about some of the things my dad did or the way he behaved, I find them harder to understand now knowing what it is to be a parent.

yes, totally agree that it gives you a big insight.

A few years ago I had a breakdown and was mentally really unwell for a long time. My mum used to come round to my house for hours just sitting holding me and often she'd be in tears too. Sometimes she'd just cry and say 'you're my baby, my little girl, i just want to make it better for you and take the pain away' (even though I was 28yr olds)

The other night my little girl (aged 2) was really upset and crying with a poorly stomach and I felt exactly the same, just desperate to do something to help her and make her happy and was totally helpless - that feeling must never go away...

When I was 15 my mum used to come to the local rollerdisco with me - I was mortified since she was soooo old (40 at the time!!) but now I'm not so far away from the great big 4-oh I can understand she still felt so young and wanted to be thought of as 'cool' by her children. I just thought she was tragic and having some sort of mid-life crisis!

ooh yes, I didn't realise until I was a mum myself that my mother is was and always will be right about everything (everything that matters anyway)

God yeah. The things I put my mum through.
She was amazing, toed that fine line between caring enough while giving me space to grow and the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. Don't know how she did it. My mum rocks.

And how I was a small child my DD's are with me now.

Think they call that getting bitten on the bum!

I understand her alot less.

I could never treat my kids the way she treated me

My experience is similar to yours Luxmum but I have also come to the conclusion that my mum made alot of rods for her own back. A prime example is how she never learned to drive, citing things like colour-blindness and a bad back but I think she didn't want to. This totally added to her workload.I think she is of the martyr camp and as I am so totally not like her I find it hard not to look back on many things with irritation. She is put up on a pedestal by my father now as if she is some sort of saint and at every family get-together we are always expected to put her needs above those of anyone else.

Yes I have insight, how could she have bullied me? I could not bully my dd to the point of tears yet she did on a daily basis, joining in with my older sister bullying of me. Think the worst bit was her and my sister looking at me with a sneer as if I was something the cat dragged in. I did think maybe I would have a different perspective as a mother and see how great she was...but nah.

Very difficult to be a mother myself, automatically about to do what she would have done, stop myself before I start, look dd in the eye and ask myself what I would have needed.

If you have a good mother, I'm glad for you. Wish I did

Oh God yes, have so much more sympathy for my mother now - didn't fully realise how damn hard this mothering thing is until I had my own ds! Especially as she was a single mother for ten years, while I'm lucky enough to have dh to share the load.

I respect my mum so much it's as much as I can do to not sit at her feet 24/7. Actually, I wish she would come and sort out my family troubles, bcs I've had it. I used to barely notice her but the older I get the more I think WOW. She was/is AMAZING. She's 78. Please god, don't take my mum yet.

I understand my mum less and less all the time but I still think she's amazing and love her - I guess that's just instinct!!??

Yes!

I have now forgiven my mum for nearly throwing me at the wall when I was a baby and realise it doesn't mean she loved me any less than my brothers; I now get why my parents never seemed to have much of a social life, and my first reaction the other day when my brother told me one of his friends has fried his brain by taking too many drugs was 'his poor mother!' - which we used to laugh at my mum for saying.

no because I fail to see how she could put my two brothers in care when they were 9 and 11 just so she could have the 'perfect' relationship with my dad (thier stepdad) and me. She reckoned she couldn't cope. yeah right

I look at ds7 and think no matter what problems we have its something I could never do.

Oh and she has totally rejected my brothers since, really fucked up thier lives.

She has also been a cow to me when I was growing up, melodramatic manipulative you name it.

No. My Mom is beyond understanding

Definately not - having children of my own just reaffirmed how bad things really were with her for a so-called mother.