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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lying possibly cheating husband

35 replies

Fuckingangrywife · 20/02/2018 19:27

This is the first time I've ever posted anything but looking for some impartial opinions. I've just caught my husband out lying and I don't know if he's actually cheated too. So here's the story.....my husband took up fighting as a hobby about a year ago. Lots of women there but he's always been a gym goer so didn't think much of it. Over the last 6 months he's been training for a fight and the sessions have stepped up to 4 or 5 a week. My son and I have taken a back seat in his life for this time so he can pursue his dream which he says he's really grateful for. This week he had his first fight which was abroad so we couldn't go. He said he was going with his male trainer but failed to mention he was also going with another fighter - a woman. I was in regular contact with him by text and phone and was really happy for him when he won. The trouble started when his flight home was delayed for 2 days. The night he was due home he rang me about 10 times when I was in the bath. Nothing life or death which wasn't like him. What in fact he was doing was getting his call in before going out on the lash. I thought after something was fishy so checked on the club's Facebook and Lo and behold found he was away with this woman also. I was really annoyed that he would lie about who he went away and text him about 9pm but he ignored it. Roll on to the next day. I had a gut feeling something was up so went onto this women's Facebook and found posts at 1am talking about how her and my husband were involved in a pub brawl, how great are they, etc. No mention of the trainer being present. I phoned my husband who was still abroad and calmly asked him why he didn't respond to my text the previous night. He said he was drunk and thought it would be better to speak to me next day. I then asked who he was out with and he said the trainer only. I asked him again was he sure about his answer and he said yes(He's rubbish with Facebook so wouldn't know about looking up posts). Then I let him have it. Both barrels. He swears blind that he hasn't cheated but I'm really upset about the fact that he repeatedly lied and don't know whether to believe him. He always places such importance on honesty and trust and would go ballistic if the boot was on the other foot. I really believed these values were important to him but the fact that he was able to lie so easily when he thought I wouldn't catch him out now makes me very suspicious. So what do you think? Am I worrying unnecessarily or is there something in it?

OP posts:
PinkFluff2 · 20/02/2018 19:41

It's odd for him to lie about who he was there with, but I probably wouldn't think he is cheating. Is it possible he just didn't mention her as he didn't want you to jump to any conclusions?

Did he just go with her, or was the other person there too?

Fuckingangrywife · 20/02/2018 20:04

I don't know. He denied going out with her. Said she joined him and trainer for drink after in hotel but there was no mention of trainer in her Facebook posts just my husband.

OP posts:
inlectorecumbit · 20/02/2018 20:33

Never mind if he was cheating or not.
It's the repeated lying that would be the issue for me. I would not be able to trust a word he said in future.

inlectorecumbit · 20/02/2018 20:34

or but obviously there would also be an issue if he had bee cheating too

esk1mo · 20/02/2018 20:35

hes a liar either way. maybe he has a crush on her, and didnt want you to know about her.

NotTheFordType · 20/02/2018 20:38

my husband took up fighting as a hobby about a year ago

but your issue is with him potentially cheating? Confused

esk1mo · 20/02/2018 20:40

NotTheFordType i think she is referring to boxing or MMA

notapizzaeater · 20/02/2018 20:41

Has he form for lying ? I'd need to see him face to face to watch his reaction

user1499786242 · 20/02/2018 20:42

I'd be absolutely raging
And TBH... wouldn't hang around! You deserve better!

SparklyMagpie · 20/02/2018 20:50

Regardless, I have no time for liars let alone a partner lying, so if be out

Fuckingangrywife · 20/02/2018 20:59

Thanks for the responses. I'm feeling vindicated being angry. Apparently 'I'm blowing it all out of proportion'. I haven't blatantly caught him out on lying before but something made me suspicious a while back. I found a make up brush on the passenger side of our car. Wasn't mine and I asked if he knew whose it was and he looked really guilty and said probably his mum. We hadn't seen her in a year as she lives abroad! Next I know it's disappeared and I ask him where is it and he said he threw it away. I didn't think more about it. But now I'm wondering. Or maybe I'm being paranoid? He does boxing not fighting - should've made that clear!

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 20/02/2018 21:05

esk1mo I'm still making this face Hmm

OP he's almost certainly dipped his wick in someone else, but again I'm as,king why you would want to be with someone who sees violence as a sport?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/02/2018 21:11

So he's lying about who he's going abroad with (you have to wonder whether the trainer was there at all - pity you didn't call the gym to ask to speak to him while he was meant to be away) and they are brawling in the streets? And she's so proud of that she's posting it on FB?

I do think you've a huge problem, OP.

Btw do you think he's taking steroids?

Bourgainvillia · 20/02/2018 21:11

Hmm he sounds like a bit of a fighter indeed. Beware of social media and facebook in particular is my advice for what its worth!

inlectorecumbit · 20/02/2018 21:18

Has he actually been training 4-5 times a week. You only have his word for that and that doesn't seem to count for much.

Fuckingangrywife · 20/02/2018 21:30

The trainer was definitely there, I've seen pics. I'm pretty sure he has been at training because he comes back dripping wet and stinking of BO. I get the wonderful task of washing his clothes. I totally agree MyBrilliantDisguise. Really classy behaviour. And I told him so. The more I'm thinking about it he's a total arse.

OP posts:
Anonagain2017 · 20/02/2018 21:40

You don't have proof of his cheating and, to be honest, if he had been cheating, would this woman be posting stuff on Facebook? I would have thought they would be more discreet.
He is a liar though, and that is not good. As for the make-up brush - that is VERY suspicious.
Please don't let him make out you're over-reacting or crazy. You are not.

Globetrotter100 · 20/02/2018 21:45

The trouble started when his flight home was delayed for 2 days

Did he deliberately delay the return part of the ticket, is that what you mean?

Fuckingangrywife · 20/02/2018 21:47

No it was definitely cancelled due to the weather. Only 1 flight a day and couldn't get on until 2 days later.

OP posts:
Globetrotter100 · 20/02/2018 21:51

Ok. Hmmmm, the makeup brush is a lie for sure...he's definitely enjoying a secret dimension to his life isn't he. And for whatever reason, he wanted to keep her presence a secret too...but her openness makes me think he's not cheating (yet, at least).

dirtybadger · 20/02/2018 22:03

To be honest my main concern would be the fighting in a pub! If he is a competent fighter, he could end up committing a serious offence doing that (i.e. killing someone!).

It seems possible that he was lying to make it seem more "professional" and less social, by it just being him and coach/trainer. Maybe he is cheating but it certainly isnt obvious like it sometimes is. But the lying is pointless and you are right to be furious about that combined with the infantile behaviour out on the lash. I do understand not replying while he was drunk, though. Sometimes you reach a point where you have just enough sense to know your replies are going to be dumb or incoherent and probably not worth it.

serialcheat · 21/02/2018 01:35

He was drunk, in a brawl, being a twat, lying to economise the explanation. I don't think he's cheating.......

janaus · 21/02/2018 03:05

The make up brush may have been left there by a woman to bring things to a head.

AnyFucker · 21/02/2018 03:17

He dpesn't sound like much of a bloke all round, tbh

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/02/2018 08:05

I think you already caught him cheating with the makeup brush OP.

LTB

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