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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Lying possibly cheating husband

35 replies

Fuckingangrywife · 20/02/2018 19:27

This is the first time I've ever posted anything but looking for some impartial opinions. I've just caught my husband out lying and I don't know if he's actually cheated too. So here's the story.....my husband took up fighting as a hobby about a year ago. Lots of women there but he's always been a gym goer so didn't think much of it. Over the last 6 months he's been training for a fight and the sessions have stepped up to 4 or 5 a week. My son and I have taken a back seat in his life for this time so he can pursue his dream which he says he's really grateful for. This week he had his first fight which was abroad so we couldn't go. He said he was going with his male trainer but failed to mention he was also going with another fighter - a woman. I was in regular contact with him by text and phone and was really happy for him when he won. The trouble started when his flight home was delayed for 2 days. The night he was due home he rang me about 10 times when I was in the bath. Nothing life or death which wasn't like him. What in fact he was doing was getting his call in before going out on the lash. I thought after something was fishy so checked on the club's Facebook and Lo and behold found he was away with this woman also. I was really annoyed that he would lie about who he went away and text him about 9pm but he ignored it. Roll on to the next day. I had a gut feeling something was up so went onto this women's Facebook and found posts at 1am talking about how her and my husband were involved in a pub brawl, how great are they, etc. No mention of the trainer being present. I phoned my husband who was still abroad and calmly asked him why he didn't respond to my text the previous night. He said he was drunk and thought it would be better to speak to me next day. I then asked who he was out with and he said the trainer only. I asked him again was he sure about his answer and he said yes(He's rubbish with Facebook so wouldn't know about looking up posts). Then I let him have it. Both barrels. He swears blind that he hasn't cheated but I'm really upset about the fact that he repeatedly lied and don't know whether to believe him. He always places such importance on honesty and trust and would go ballistic if the boot was on the other foot. I really believed these values were important to him but the fact that he was able to lie so easily when he thought I wouldn't catch him out now makes me very suspicious. So what do you think? Am I worrying unnecessarily or is there something in it?

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/02/2018 08:48

Obviously not physically cheating with the makeup brush lol , but you know what I mean. Sending you strength xx

Sarahjconnor · 21/02/2018 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

buddhasbelly · 21/02/2018 09:00

Does the female fighter actually know he's married? Like do you have a carseat in the car (that it sounds like she's been in).

I have a child and couldn't get out to a hobby 4/5 times a week...although I'm I'm single parent so not exactly a fair comparison.

Other posters with children and a dp, would either of you manage 4/5 nights a week out on a hobby?

Also age dependent on your ds..

buddhasbelly · 21/02/2018 09:02

And if eg the make up brush was left by her in the car, and he eg said he'd given her a lift home, who would do their make up in a car after sweaty exercise..id make a shit poirot.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 21/02/2018 09:05

Let me see if I can make the decision a bit easier for you:

my husband took up fighting as a hobby

My son and I have taken a back seat in his life for this time so he can pursue his dream

her and my husband were involved in a pub brawl

He denied going out with her

I found a make up brush on the passenger side of our car. Wasn't mine and I asked if he knew whose it was and he looked really guilty

Why in Earth are you still with him?

newcarsmell · 21/02/2018 09:15

So he went abroad with a woman, didn't tell you about the woman, didn't respond to your texts, went out with said woman drinking, got into fights, lied about it all until you told him you knew, has previously had this woman's make up brush in your car.

He's cheating and you'd be a fool to think otherwise.

newcarsmell · 21/02/2018 09:16

Sorry didn't mean to be harsh. I feel terrible for you op. I just don't want you to be fooled by him gaslighting you.

weehedgehog · 21/02/2018 09:41

I agree with many of the posters, he is cheating. He is taking you for a ride.
And no doubt, the other woman has left the make up brush there on purpose, just as she posted this on facebook hoping you'll kick him out/break up with him. I never thought a human being would be that calculated, but I've been there myself...got the Tshirt.

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 21/02/2018 09:50

A decent boxer would have more about him than a pub fight.

ChickenMom · 21/02/2018 09:55

So he’s gone abroad with a woman he didn’t tell you about. She’s posting about your DH on Facebook and he lies about that too. He is away getting hammered and into fights and drinking and lying and you get to wash his shitty, stinky fighting clothes. Blimey. Why would you tolerate that? What’s in any of this for you apart from being a free laundrette for him?

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