Dating someone with little education

[DatingLife]

Hi.

I've put a cautious toe back in the online dating water, and have this vaguely nagging question. I'm early 50s if thats relevant.

Occasionally I'll see a vaguely promising man - but no cultural interests really, and no higher education. Usually a bit sporty or something like that.

I'm a really down-to-earth person in many ways - but I'm also interested in culture, philosophy, etc. Its the way I'm built and would probably have been like that without even any formal education.

Is it worth meeting them is my question?! All my previous boyfriends have, like me, been educated to degree level, not a deliberate choice on my part, but looking back, just how it panned out!

I'm not a snob - I really appreciate men who aren't like that but who are good people and just going about their business in life as suits them.

But is there a possible match with such a person, am I wasting my time and theirs? I am, it must be said, looking for some kind of relationship (not necessarily to the level of 'partner', but not a roll-in-the-hay either).

Any thoughts? Any experience like this?

I left school at 15 and have no education past GCSE level. I'm 27. I would say I'm fairly intelligent, I like having philosophical discussions with others. I'm seeing a man who studied politics at degree level and I can definitely keep up with him in a debate!

I just didn't enjoy education in a formal setting. I learn better by doing things myself in a practical setting and I like to make my own discoveries. Not everything is learned in a classroom.

OP I think it's a question of how large the pool of potential men is.
I have the impression that there are not a large number of men in their 50s who are looking for women in their 50s, for example.

If I'm wrong and the pool is large it seems reasonable to screen at an early level with a measure that might reasonably predict a certain level of intellectual curiosity.
That doesn't mean people without a degree are stupid, dull, boring unkind or anything else, it's just one way to narrow the search. Of course you might miss out on someone amazing who doesn't have a degree but what are you going to do? Date everyone? There seem to be posters on here who are quite defensive on behalf of men without degrees, makes me wonder if the men themselves are defensive/challenged, if so I would definitely rule them out.

I know at least four or five people who have degrees and are thick as mince. I mean would struggle (not even would, but DID struggle to get anything more than a D in both English and maths at GCSCE.

There is literally no such thing as not bright enough to go to uni these days. If you want to go they’ll find something for you somewhere, even if the degree is about as intellectually challenging as a ame of Pie Face.

that wasn't true in the 1970s/80s though

Educated doesn’t necessarily equate to intelligence. I would t make that a deciding factor is other traits interest you. I’d rather meet someone and make the judgment, OLD doesn’t give you much scope if you don’t write your bio well!

I think you may get bored of an uneducated uncultured man OP. I don't think that makes you a snob, just discerning. Why should a woman want just any and everybody for the sake of a relationship?

Then again if he's good life experience and a hobby or 2 he may be interesting. You may as well give it a try - after all if education was that important in aman then you wouldn't be single, would you? You'd be with one of your educated exes.

Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say

if they've got University of life or school of hard knocks on profile avoid like the plague

My DH didn't engage at school, was (and is) sporty. I went all the way and have been an academic before moving into industry in a mentally/intellectually taxing job.
I would not have considered a relationship with him in my 20s or 30s: we would have had nothing in common at that point in our lives, but now we are a great fit: we both bring something different to the relationship and actually his grounded black/white approach is a blessing where I have a tendency to overthink everything and am at risk of inertia without his driving force. That said, he is very clever and interesting, just not educated.
Definitely don't rule out a relationship with someone because of their education: it isn't a measure of intelligence really. You are in your 50s: what a man was like 35-40 years ago doesn't really matter any more.

You are in your 50s: what a man was like 35-40 years ago doesn't really matter any more.

But it’s not really about what the person was like decades ago. There are a whole raft of expectations/consequences that (might) attach to having attended university. It’s true not everyone bases a career on their degree subject - but a potential date might assume that a graduate has, for example, a friendship group where degrees are the norm; tastes and experiences formed or gained through student life; a certain ability with and interest in abstract thought; crucially - no resentment towards people with degrees ...

OP weigh up all these factors:

Compassionate & caring vs uncompassionate
Fun vs boring
Engaging vs passive
Confident vs Timid
Open minded vs set in their ways
Honest vs "economical with the truth"
Affectionate vs cold
Hunger to experience new things vs ..... "I know what like and that's it"
Cultured vs uncultured
Refined vs "a bit rough round the edges"
Intelligent vs "not the sharpest tool on the shed"
Educated vs uneducated
Physically attractive vs ..... meh
Well off vs ... not so well off

My point is, if you're going to rule someone out on one or two of those factors, then be honest and recognise that you're NEVER going to find out about the rest.

I remember my parents encouraged me to date AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE - Not "play the field" as such, but "date", have fun meeting women and not rule someone out on a whim. Was the best advice I ever had because I met so many great women along the way - some of which I'm still great friends with and one of which I've been married to for over 15 years (met her on a blind date).

Surely the same applies as much (if not more) when you're looking for something a little less permanent/formal than a lifelong partner

Good luck

We're all perfectly entitled to put whatever conditions you like on potential romantic partners, and calling someone a snob or whatever over that is pointless. We feel how we feel, and if a person genuinely feels they'd rather be single than have a partner who has or doesn't have a particular characteristic, shaming them for that is stupid.

That said OP, if I were your age and on the lookout I don't think I'd restrict myself wrt educational background. Because you're immediately taking out more than half the pool, given the percentages of people born in the 60s who have degrees, and for no good reason really.

Cultural interests possibly slightly different. If it's something really, truly important to you, I'd put that on my profile and make it very clear so anyone who might want to approach you knows that about you already (because a person with very different interests to you would also have to put up with yours if you were in a relationship, it's not a one way street and no doubt your philosophical and cultural stuff would put some people right off you).

I'd probably still give it a go with someone who ticks your other boxes but not this one, though, just because what's to lose? You might find that you can be happy with someone who has very different interests to you, and you just share that part of your lives with friends instead. Or you might find you can't, in which case it's not like you have to marry them is it?

Would have probably been more of an issue when younger, as I always liked to be around someone smarter than me (or just knew "different stuff").

Now 50, so hopefully people my age have lots of life experiences that I may find interesting - so would definitely not be blinded by education backgrounds etc.

Are they curious about things, want to find out how things work/look behind the picture etc not a face value kind of person?

Someone may have had a brilliant education when younger, then lost their curiosity...

My Dad was a very intelligent and cultured man but didn't go to university. I have a degree and I'm a dumbass and not cultured in the slightest

I agree with the posters that have suggested looking more at mutual hobbies and interests rather than educational attainment.

A degree doesn’t necessarily equal intelligence. I couldn’t date someone who wasn’t intelligent but my husband doesn’t have a degree and is the cleverest man I know. Sometimes lives just take a different path.

I don't think there's much point in posters coming on to say their partner, dad, mum etc don't have a degree and are super intelligent. Of course you would think so, wouldn't you?

Have you met any recent graduates? Can’t say I’d use their degree as an indicator of their general intelligence.

Everyone has different ideas of what's a deal breaker in a relationship, and those are different to what applies for a friendship. I have friends (not many, but some) whose politics differ seriously from mine, but I couldn't be in a serious relationship with someone who didn't share my political and philosophical values. On the other hand DP has at least 2 consuming passions that I don't share with him, and vice versa, for us that is not a problem. Other people might only be able to share their lives with someone who has the same hobby/sport/cultural pursuit but be quite happy with a profound political difference. The degree or not question is similar.

I am a scientist and my bf left school at 16 and has never been to university. He has a good well paid job now, better paid than mine and we have plenty of similar interested. Tbh you come across as very picky if you exclude based on something like not going to university especially given the age of partners you're considering.

There is little to no correlation between intelligence and level of education in my experience, don't write anyone off before you've met them.

Tbh you come across as very picky

Seriously now - what, exactly, is wrong with picky-ness in choosing who you have a relationship with?

Ime somebody who is going to have a chip on their shoulder about not having been to university and take it out on other sis probably the kind of person who has a natural tendency to feel sorry for themselves and want others to know it. If that person gets a PhD ime their whininess just finds something else to hook onto.

So I would be on the look-out for that character trait rather than make it a simple tick-box exercise.

Or perhaps even more than looking at the other person, look at how you behave in their company: are you walking on egg shells? Worried about giving offence? Anxious not to hurt their feelings? Treating them a bit like a baby? Bored? Unable to be yourself?

All those are bad signs- but not always or necessarily dependent on paper qualifications.

My dh is uni educated. I'm not.
My dh isn't a drinker - I spent most of my 20s and 30s in the pub.
My dh is a calm, even tempered pragmatist. I'm short tempered, impatient and possess a vicious tongue.
My dh has travelled the world - but only to fish. I've travelled less than him but to actually see where I'm going.

We've been together for 10 years. We have a son. He drives me potty as I'm sure I do him but it works. We didn't meet online but I'm pretty sure we'd never have looked further than each other's profiles if we did.