Dating someone with little education

[DatingLife]

Hi.

I've put a cautious toe back in the online dating water, and have this vaguely nagging question. I'm early 50s if thats relevant.

Occasionally I'll see a vaguely promising man - but no cultural interests really, and no higher education. Usually a bit sporty or something like that.

I'm a really down-to-earth person in many ways - but I'm also interested in culture, philosophy, etc. Its the way I'm built and would probably have been like that without even any formal education.

Is it worth meeting them is my question?! All my previous boyfriends have, like me, been educated to degree level, not a deliberate choice on my part, but looking back, just how it panned out!

I'm not a snob - I really appreciate men who aren't like that but who are good people and just going about their business in life as suits them.

But is there a possible match with such a person, am I wasting my time and theirs? I am, it must be said, looking for some kind of relationship (not necessarily to the level of 'partner', but not a roll-in-the-hay either).

Any thoughts? Any experience like this?

yes it was very elitist... you might consider yourself 'perfectly ordinary', but there were very few places and the majority of them went to privately educated children, and those whose parents had put a massive effort into their education.

OP: I'm considering doing X. What do you think?

9 out of 10 posters: I can't believe you're not considering doing X. You're so !

Fwiw, OP, I think the only way you'll know is to try it.

Don't be too hasty here! My DDH is the kindest loveliest husband you could want and a fab father. He failed his 11plus and went off to work on a farm. He worked his way up til he was Head of Agriculture in a college, and took a MA amongst other things at night school. He has provided for me and my family consistently. As a plus for me personally, he does not watch football or go down the pub.

He is perfectly capable of interesting, cultured conversation. Why would you think this was not possible? I would think he would be a tad insulted by your views. I am not, I understand where you are coming from, but honestly, give it a go. It's a night out, eh?

I am in my 50s (just) so was at university in the 1980s. I think by that stage at least 20 to 25 per cent of the population went on to university (or to polytechnics that would now be reclassed as universities) - so a minority, but not a tiny one.

I would say there are plenty of people in my generation who did not go to university, although they were intelligent enough to go by modern standards.

And as others have said, a degree or lack of it is not a great indicator of intellectual or cultural interests - I know plenty of graduates who never pick up a book and prefer watching football to the theatre. You really need to meet people (or at least chat online) to find out if you are compatible.

If you get on.well during conversation...then that's a basis to form a relationship.

If he comes across as dim...then he obviously isn't for you.

I'm late 40s and have studied to postgrad level...although I'm married..if I were looking for a partner..most important things would be kindness, sincerity, common sense and him being okay financially. Your interests don't need to be the same.

I don't think you're a snob btw.

my daughter is young 21 and found this also to be a problem. She is degree educated and at times she does like to talk about politics histoey religion etc strange girl lol but when the guy just wasnt on her wavelength and coulsnt converse with her about these type of things she was well bored
i dont think ahe is a snob. Fortunately lots of youngsters are degree educated so those are the guys she goes for but im a firm believer there eill be someone for everyone

to add the person doesnt have to be a graduate but they do need to be of similar intelligence to her so they can converse with her on a range of subjects. You dont have to be a graduate to be intelligent

Difficult one. You just can't tell. I have a degree and I think I'm pretty stupid :) Levels of education, whether high or low, won't really tell you much. "Don't judge a book by it's cover" seems like an appropriate saying for this thread.

All my previous boyfriends have, like me, been educated to degree level, not a deliberate choice on my part, but looking back, just how it panned out!

And the fact they're previous and not still your boyfriend now might suggest that you throw your net a little wider....

Education is less important than interests. Someone with an Oxbridge degree who lists sporty hobbies/ nothing cultural wouldn't interest me but no mention of education, 'interesting interests' would.

@DullAndOld : I can't say I agree that university used to be elitist: not in my lifetime, not in the lifetime of friends of mine in their 60s/70s,and Alan Bennett, who's probably older than all of us, would also disagree with you.

My partner has 2 years of one of those sports coaching HNDs and he's never used it; dropped out of first year of university as well, he just didn't like it. Worked his own way up to manager position within the government. Him and I still have intelligent and witty debates and discussions most nights without any difficulty. Never for a second found him boring.

I think you might not be approaching OLD quite right. You can't possibly really tell whether you'll hit it off with someone from an online profile. The thing is to meet up for a casual drink or something with an open mind and look on it as a date, not a relationship yet.

Personally a lack of intellectual curiosity is a big problem for me in a partner. But educational attainment is only a rough proxy for that. So unless you're inundated with good offers, I would meet up with anyone who looks possible, and decide after you've met them if you want to meet them again.

I’d check out Guardian Soulmates if I were you. For me, having similar interests is more important than how are potential partner looks.

I do think it makes sense to give people more of a chance. I'm reasonably highly educated and I'm reasonably intelligent, whereas my DP left school at 14, without a single qualification to his name. He's far from stupid; runs his own successful business, he can hold a decent debate on current events, he shows interest in certain cultural topics and he has a keen interest in history. I'd be missing out on a wonderful man if I'd written him off for his lack of education.

In the kindest possible way op, you haven't met your life partner yet so it might be time to try something different or widen the net.

And as many pp have said, you need to meet someone to ascertain their interests really. I know a lot of 'uneducated' people who love travel, culture and art.

DullAndOld - I was there, and I'm telling you that the majority of people at my university were not privately educated.

Oxford and Cambridge - yes, probably, but I expect that that's still the case now.

Doesn't Classic FM do some sort of online dating activity? You may find people with similar interests there

I was also going to mention that further education in itself is not a guarantee that a person will be interesting, creative and curious about the world or even that intelligent.

I have meet plenty of incredibly dull but supposedly very well educated people. Great conversationalists and very bright and intelligent people come from all walks of life.

My DH is a medical specialist and very well educated but can lack basic common sense and "street smarts" as well as missing lots of what I would consider a high level of general knowledge. He is still very interesting and curious about the world but I am surprised at the things he doesn't know.

I know several people who don't have degrees, but are interesting. If you met someone perhaps you could introduce them to some of your interests and they in turn could share something with you. If you haven't tried something how do you know if you will like it. However, nobody is perfect. You may need to meet quite a few people untill you find someone suitable. Have you tried joining a local club or meeting someone on holiday ?

I'm not very educated my dh is. He went to uni and has progressed very well in his career. I still wonder how we ended up together sometimes!

@Datinglife All my previous boyfriends have, like me, been educated to degree level, not a deliberate choice on my part, but looking back, just how it panned out!

And how has that worked out for you most recently?

Give someone the opportunity they may surprise you. Life is restrictive enough

In the kindest possible way op, you haven't met your life partner yet

Is there a prize for smuggest post on the whole internet? Is that all women are for? Is a fully grown woman openly called a failure because she doesn’t have a life partner? Heavens!

And yeah, I was at university in the 80s. Plenty of people went to university. And no - I’m pretty sure even then the majority of Oxbridge undergrads were not private school educated.

OP you are under no obligation to meet or date anyone you don’t feel excited by. If specifically academic achievement is something you find attractive you’re perfectly entitled to seek out people who have that. (And actually, if it really were true that in the far off olden days only 3 people went to university - well, just start considering younger men.)

Anyway tbh I have met smarter people flogging lighters down Brixton market than I have in the uni

Spent a lot of time “in the uni” then have you, Dull? 😂

@Iwasjustabouttosaythat ha ha that's true in a lot of cases.