Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Confused

46 replies

Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 11:02

Well I know my unborn father for half a year now, and he says, "to be honest he wants to be single for now." But when I ask him if he would like to be introduced to my mum and family and for me to meet his, he txt back happily and willing. I'm not sure what he wants. But just need advice on my half.Confused

OP posts:
Cricrichan · 20/02/2018 11:29

What are his plans regarding the baby? Does he want to be involved and is he going to contribute financially?

dirtybadger · 20/02/2018 11:31

If you are going to have a child together then its not that weird to get to know one another family, civilly, is it? Afterall your DC may want to visit their grandparents with dad- and you would want to know what they're like before that (or go with them depending on age)?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2018 11:37

Has he decided this just since you found out you were pregnant? Think you need to talk to him about what financial and practical support he is giving you.

Meet his parents - they will hopefully wasn't to stand by their grandchild. Introduce him to yours, I'm sure they would want to know him. Try to find a way to co parent

Original poster
Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 12:20

And he wants a sexual relationship? What ever that means

OP posts:
Original poster
Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 12:26

Well I know my unborn father for half a year now, and he says, "to be honest he wants to be single for now." But when I ask him if he would like to be introduced to my mum and family and for me to meet his, he txt back happily and willing. I'm not sure what he wants and he wants to have a sexual relationship . But just need advice on my half.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 20/02/2018 12:28

I assume you have already had a sexual relationship if you're pregnant. He has to treat you properly though if he still wants a relationship.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2018 12:32

Don't just provide him with sex. You may well not want it as the pregnancy progresses, you won't be up for it for a variable time afterwards which means he'll lose interest again and you'll be confused and hurt and post natal and exhausted.

NotTheFordType · 20/02/2018 12:37

Sounds like he wants to keep banging you, but not provide any emotional (or financial?) support to you.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 20/02/2018 12:44

Stop having sex with him now, if you still are.

He says he wants a sexual relationship with you, but also, "wants to be single for now"? Of course he does.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

FissionChips · 20/02/2018 12:46

Do you have learning difficulties op?

MadMags · 20/02/2018 12:46

What?? Confused

SendintheArdwolves · 20/02/2018 12:48

Sounds like he wants to "be single" (ie sleep with other people) and "have a sexual relationship" (ie also sleep with you). These two things have no bearing on whether he wants to meet your parents.

Are you happy with that set-up, OP?

It sounds like you need to separate out the two issues;

  1. You and he are having a baby and need to sort out the practical issues around money, contact and childcare.

  2. You and he need to decide if you are in a romantic relationship. From what you've said, OP, it sounds like you aren't, but he would quite like it if he could have sex with you when he felt like it.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2018 12:54

And possibly without contraception depending on how you got pregnant. So risks to you and baby from god knows what

RaininSummer · 20/02/2018 12:59

I know what Fission means - the OP is written is a rather odd style which could indicate learning difficulties or maybe English not as her main language.

Anyway Op - he sounds like like an irresponsible bloke - pin him down as much as possible about his plans for future support and financial contribution. If he wants to be a single man with no commitment to you and the child at all then do not sleep with him any more. Still a good idea potentially to meet the extended family but make sure they are not utterly confused about your relationship.

Original poster
Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 13:19

Ok I did not say that he is irresponsible. He has turned to scans with me and engages with every txt I have sent him. And he is going to be part of our child's life. He s more excited than me as he has picked out our baby's name. Because I have four other children which he is happily willing to meet and take of, and he wants to baby when born everyday. But with the sexual relationship I told it's between me and him which he has agreed, I truely believe he wants more but scared. What is others people opinion this?

OP posts:
FabbyChix · 20/02/2018 13:21

I think you need to try to be more independent of him, he sounds flaky and trying to keep you hanging without offering any commitment.

MadMags · 20/02/2018 13:22

I can’t make sense of your posts.

He doesn’t want to be with you but he wants to parent your other four children every day? Hmm

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/02/2018 13:23

He just doesn't want any commitment.

I wouldn't bet on him still being around when baby arrives, he sounds flakey as F.

Forget what he wants for a minute. What do you want?

hellsbellsmelons · 20/02/2018 13:45

He wants to be single and not tied to you.
But if that doesn't work out, he wants to you to be his booty call.
Please value yourself more than this.
And how are you pregnant within 6 months of meeting someone?
Please look into some proper contraception.

Original poster
Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 14:44

Is mum's net a place of judgement or advice?

OP posts:
FissionChips · 20/02/2018 14:48

Trying to stoke some flames?

Original poster
Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 15:07

The man is a good man. I've been with a lying jerk before and the jerk never did nothing like what he is doing, looking after his kid and want to bond with the ones that is not his. so when this one say he wants to take of them I see it as an honour. He has told his family he is having a baby and friends too. To me that's something. I was just asking if you guys think he wants a sexual relationship or a relationship?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2018 15:13

I think irrespective of what he wants, you need to look after yourself. He's telling you he doesn't want a relationship. Don't become his booty call.

And him taking a new born baby every day isn't practical or sensible imo

loveyoutothemoon · 20/02/2018 15:13

It's blatantly obvious he just wants sex and not a relationship, that's what you've told us he's said!

Original poster
Kisha86 · 20/02/2018 15:19

He ain't taking him nowhere

OP posts: