So so so sad - help

[fruity12]

I left my partner a few weeks ago, I moved in with him and it didn't work out
He has bad moods and tempers and I thought living together would be a reason for him to snap out of it
I love him so much as we had some great times and family holidays and I loved his family which we were very close
He is now very sorry and says he doesn't want to lose me - I gave him chance after chance and each time things never got any better
He says now if we went to relationship counselling then we may have had a chance
But due to his moods and how he would treat me in arguments they always got out of hand so in the moment I would always get hurt and want him to change and see how he has hurt me but he never seemed to
With all this in mind, why does my heart ache ? I'm really struggling to try move on
I know I wouldn't but I don't want to fall back into contact, then getting back together
We are now civil and I'm moving in a couple of weeks but he is saying things like let's go get dinner, or go for a coffee when we have spare time etc but I'm finding to so hard I don't think I should

His constant contacting you will not help you to move forward.

I would call him / text him and make it quite clear that the relationship is over and to respect your wishes and to please stop contacting you or you'll have to block his number.

Depends really if you want to stay friends, if not then block his number.

I'm moving in a couple of weeks

Into another house I hope?

He may suffer from bipolar with those moods...but you've given him chance after chance.

He's the one who needs counselling...this is his issue to deal with.

Yes I've found another house for me and lo.
My previous post explains my initial reasons for leaving and don't want to babble or anything
I've had to leave temporary for my mums which is far from ideal
The house is ready to move on 28th so not long in the great scheme of things
But all my things are there at his as I only recently moved in with him - December so I've just taken some bits and come back every 5 days or so to get more clothes etc
Plan is it's all staying here until moving day
He knows I'm going and I'm trying limited contact
First he is fine and seems accepting but then gets cross and frustrated
I'm not leaving coz I don't love or want the relationship
It's because he never changes dispite saying he will go to anger management etc
We are fine for a month, we the argue and back to square one

In all honesty, I would get all of your belongings out of his house and then block / delete him from your life.

You have a new house and life ahead of you and your child, you don't need someone like him with anger management and controlling issues in your lives.

Well done getting away from this abuser.
Stay strong.
His actions now are showing you he has not changed at all.
It's still all about him and what he wants.
HE needs counselling. Not YOU. Not JOINT.
HIM on his own!
Stay strong.
Do not meet up.
It will only prolong the heartache and agony.
The hardest bit is done.
So once you have all your stuff, block, ignore. delete!

Why am I finding it so hard then ?
My head tells me I know I can do better
I feel weak and pathetic for feeling like I do
Like I've thrown away this happy life like looking through photos proves me did have some happy times
I think I do need counselling though to get me through this heart ache and talk through how I can get over this
I know I left for valid reasons don't get me wrong
I just feel so heartbroken

Like I do not feel strong
I have been able to get out, get a new place, get all new bits for the house and I've done it all on adrenaline
I know feel lost

You've answered your own questions.
It's hard because YOU are making it hard.
You are listening to his crap.
You are in contact with him.
You are looking at photo's...
STOP IT.
You are literally torturing yourself.
It will still be hard though and counselling will definitely help!

I know i am aren't I...doing exactly that. Feel like I'm toturting myself

Were things nice when everything was going his way? Did he get moody and badtempered when life wasn't all sweetness and light?

Imagine your LO growing up with someone who lost their temper with them whenever they stepped out of line/were upset/did something daft.

You've done the right thing. He was never going to get better, only worse, what you are doing is just rosy-tinting the past. I bet, even on those great holidays there were days when you did what he wanted to keep him happy, weren't there? Get your realistic head on and get out completely.

That's true, yes it's great when is good.
He huffs and puffs in general and he's rarely happy.
I've put it down to him being stressed over certain stuff but I way am more there for him then he's ever been for me
I know I guess I'm just worried this feeling will last
Im scared but yes my lo deserves much much more
As I do
But I can give her a secure loving relationship whether I meet someone in the future is secondary
Even on holiday there were times he lost his temper
He punched the table once when little one was not having table manners and even got into a fight with a man in the pool over water polo 😫

We all torture ourselves in the beginning.
Once you block etc.... it all just starts to lift a bit.
You won't feel like this forever.
But you won't be over it, just like that either!
It will take time.
Please be kind to yourself.

We've slipped back to contact
I've told him it's too hard for me and he said let's just be civil
But the contact makes me feel like we are still together
I know we can't be friends and we can't be together it's too painful but he messages me and I find myself responding
He's asked what I'm doing this weekend as lo is at their dads and things like that
He's being so normal and nice and that makes it so hard as I know he doesn't stay that way but it's why I've always taken him back in the past
I am trying but I can't seem to get him out my mind

He's being normal and nice because he wants you back.

Because he knows nobody else will put up with him. Look back at what you've written. He's a bad tempered, moody sod who tries to frighten your LO into manners (and that's on a 'lovely family holiday'!)

Block him. Tell him you're doing it, wish him a nice life, and, for your own sanity and the safety and wellbeing of your LO, block him.

Until you block and delete then you will not move forward.

You hurt for what might have been not for what is, how can you love someone who treats you so bad, it isn't love it's need and need accepts shit behaviour, need doesn't have boundaries. Love does.

Until you can block him and ignore him and delete all his crap, you will not move forward.
You will keep taking him back.
The best thing you can do today is block him for now on everything.

Get all your stuff as soon as you can with someone with you. He has a temper and mood swings. The closer it gets to you being out of his life the more unreasonable he could get.

Stop contacting him unless it's about your child or contact with the child

Also nxt time, if a man is horrible before you move in don't think that moving in will magically change him. Recognise a shitbag earlier.

Don't be there whilst LO is at her dads. Well done at making this decision-don't go back on it!

Hi I have come back a few times to get stuff, I moved my whole place into his to live with him so I can't take it all in a day
Only come back to get clothes and stuff as I go
I have a moving date ! Next Monday
It's been delayed was supposed to be Friday but never mind counting down now
He was horrible yesterday saying I'm dressing differently, working more hours just to see my boss
Which is ridiculous - he's convinced I have a boyfriend
All this when actually it is him who has hurt me so bad, he is so wrong
He drove to my mums to check I was there as he said I know you've been at your mums as I drove past?! Like where else would I be
It's because I'm not spending time there and not with him he thinks that
He asked if I want to go to the cinema today as lo at her dads so said no obviously and he just can't see why I'm leaving and why I don't want to do that?!

Once you have all of your stuff block his number.
You don't need this on your life.

I plan to but I still have a week and we have a £2000 credit card which he is paying half when he gets the money

If he has violent tendencies, is he even safe to be around your LO?

Cut contact for 6 months. Then see if you want to be friends. Not possible now, it's too soon. He is intimidating you. He's not changing. Put your stuff in storage. Get out, hope you get your money back but don't stay just for that. Your freedom and sanity more important.