Problems with the stepkids...
I feel so guilty and keep swearing to myself that I am going to change but as soon as they come over and I hear their voices its like 'nails on a chalkboard' to my ears. I dread them coming over and I physically shudder when the 3 yr old boy talks to me with his squeaky voice.
Its not like they are bad kids, well his girl isn't bad anyway. I used to not mind them so much and I enjoyed the company of his girl but now I'm pregnant, I hate having them in my house. I feel like they are dirty and I have to disinfect absolutely everything they touch. I think I have some sort of anxiety with germs.
For example:
- I was making lasagne and his girl (5) came over and touched the pasta sheets, they went straight in the bin.
-My partner was making toasties with his boy (3) in the kitchen and he touched the cheese with his dirty little hands. I threw the whole block of cheese in the bin.
-I was eating some grapes in the living room and his 3yr old boy came over and grabbed them all in his hands, they also went in the bin.
-His boy was choosing an apple out of the fruit bowl and touched a couple of the others, I had to wash them but still couldn't bring myself to eat them so they ended up being binned.
-When my partner takes them out,I go around the whole house bleaching and disinfecting everything they have touched e.g. door handles, chairs, remotes etc.
-When they go back to their mums after the weekend I have a good clean up of the house and even wash the covers and cushions on the sofa where they sit.
-They always want to kiss my partner on the lips and the boy always has a dirty, snotty upper lip and then my partner gets upset that I will not kiss him on the lips after he's kissed them. Also his ex wife kisses them on the lips too and I feel like its swapping germs around each family etc.
I hate that they are all over the house (with it being a bungalow), I will go to the kitchen and one will be in there, I go to the bathroom and one will be in there, living room and one will appear etc. I can't escape them. On bad days I will hide away in our bedroom with ear plugs in my ears so I can't hear them or see the things they are touching.
It saddens me that my baby will not even have her own room and I can't decorate it the way I wanted to because they are in it.
I just wish they would go away.
His girl is well behaved and I don't mind having her around as much as she just wants to chill and watch a movie or play with her toys.
His boy is awful and will hit her for no reason and then tell a lie saying 'my sister bit me' etc when she obviously did not and then he will do this absolutely awful fake cry when he is told off for his violence.
Every night they stay over, the boy will sneak into our room 4 or 5 times throughout the night and just stands at the bottom our our bed and screams. This scares me and I need it to stop for when the baby is here as he will terrify her!
Sometimes he can't open the door as it gets stuck on the carpet so he just bangs on the door rather than doing his 'possessed child' act. I don't understand why he does it but it makes me feel more hatred towards him.
My partner has won a court case for more access to them and I'm absolutely dreading having them an extra night in the week aswell as every other weekend.
When I try to discuss things with my partner, it just causes a huge argument and nothing gets settled.
I've thought about leaving the relationship and moving out, but I'd need to take everything in the house for myself and the baby (I own EVERYTHING in the house too), but that would leave my partner and his kids with NOTHING.
My partner doesn't want me to move out or for us to break up.
I have discussed all of this with the midwife and I am waiting for an appointment for some counselling as I think it may help me get through some of my anxieties and resentment towards the stepkids.
Has anybody else been through this? Can things truly get better? I'm so lost 😞