Has anyone left a relationship cause of step children ?

[India27]

Ive not long left a relationship because I couldnt handle my step sons behaviour towards me and my son, we all lived together full time, I just wondered if any one else has left because of a step childs behaviour.

[bluebells34]

My ex partner's daughter was very rude - she had no filters - one evening when we were having a pub meal she made vile comments from the colour of my hair, the colour of my skin, make up, nails, clothes and foot wear. On another occassion she called my daughter 'stupid' and 'fat'
Everytime they came round to my house she would be dripping all over her faher - would not leave him alone and it was impossible to have a conversation. She would dance arounf the living room - spin on the floor and play fight wiht her dad - anything to be the centre of attention. I tried to do fun things with her and include her/make her feel welcome but she clearly did not want her dad to be in a relationship
It was too much in the end - I actually dreaded her coming round and made an excuse to get out of the relationship and so glad I did

[Moonface123]

Very grim reading, l often wonder why families bother to blend, it seems like the novelty wears off pretty quick, especially once a new baby arrives.

[jimmyjammy001]

Yes dealing with somebody else's children just makes a relationship ten times harder, to many restrictions in what you can and can't do and things and places you can goto, , usually lots of hassle and dramas involved day to day, having to deal with ex partners etc
if it makes you unhappy you should leave, not just stick around for the step kids sake to make a happy family, it's not your responsibility.

[TooMuchPaper]

What age is she? How long have you been with your dp? And why are they with him full time? Is their mother around?

[hazelgrey]

Zombie thread ! Maybe start a new one of your own ?

[Specialk2021]

ANY ADVICE?!
I have 3 kids one of them are my own and 2 step kids..me and my partner work he has full custody of his kids so they live with us full time.. I get along great with the oldest however there are problems with the youngest ( step kid ).. her behaviour is awful I understand kids don’t like the word no or being told your not doing that or not getting they’re own way but this is a whole other level.. if she dosent get her own way everyone in the house knows about it for hours on end.. previously she had kicked off to the point the house has been wrecked and no one slept all night.. call me whatever you want but I’m starting to resent her for this.. it’s driving a wedge between me and my partner and we are getting married next year and I’m already dreading the actual day.. I don’t know what to do do I take her to see a specialist or something because I’m on the verge of leaving my relationship because of her.. she makes up lies and blames everyone else for everything I can’t cope much longer..

[LivBa]

@Ec97

Problems with the stepkids...

I feel so guilty and keep swearing to myself that I am going to change but as soon as they come over and I hear their voices its like 'nails on a chalkboard' to my ears. I dread them coming over and I physically shudder when the 3 yr old boy talks to me with his squeaky voice.

Its not like they are bad kids, well his girl isn't bad anyway. I used to not mind them so much and I enjoyed the company of his girl but now I'm pregnant, I hate having them in my house. I feel like they are dirty and I have to disinfect absolutely everything they touch. I think I have some sort of anxiety with germs.
For example:

• I was making lasagne and his girl (5) came over and touched the pasta sheets, they went straight in the bin.

-My partner was making toasties with his boy (3) in the kitchen and he touched the cheese with his dirty little hands. I threw the whole block of cheese in the bin.
-I was eating some grapes in the living room and his 3yr old boy came over and grabbed them all in his hands, they also went in the bin.
-His boy was choosing an apple out of the fruit bowl and touched a couple of the others, I had to wash them but still couldn't bring myself to eat them so they ended up being binned.
-When my partner takes them out,I go around the whole house bleaching and disinfecting everything they have touched e.g. door handles, chairs, remotes etc.
-When they go back to their mums after the weekend I have a good clean up of the house and even wash the covers and cushions on the sofa where they sit.
-They always want to kiss my partner on the lips and the boy always has a dirty, snotty upper lip and then my partner gets upset that I will not kiss him on the lips after he's kissed them. Also his ex wife kisses them on the lips too and I feel like its swapping germs around each family etc.

I hate that they are all over the house (with it being a bungalow), I will go to the kitchen and one will be in there, I go to the bathroom and one will be in there, living room and one will appear etc. I can't escape them. On bad days I will hide away in our bedroom with ear plugs in my ears so I can't hear them or see the things they are touching.

It saddens me that my baby will not even have her own room and I can't decorate it the way I wanted to because they are in it.
I just wish they would go away.

His girl is well behaved and I don't mind having her around as much as she just wants to chill and watch a movie or play with her toys.
His boy is awful and will hit her for no reason and then tell a lie saying 'my sister bit me' etc when she obviously did not and then he will do this absolutely awful fake cry when he is told off for his violence.

Every night they stay over, the boy will sneak into our room 4 or 5 times throughout the night and just stands at the bottom our our bed and screams. This scares me and I need it to stop for when the baby is here as he will terrify her!
Sometimes he can't open the door as it gets stuck on the carpet so he just bangs on the door rather than doing his 'possessed child' act. I don't understand why he does it but it makes me feel more hatred towards him.

My partner has won a court case for more access to them and I'm absolutely dreading having them an extra night in the week aswell as every other weekend.

When I try to discuss things with my partner, it just causes a huge argument and nothing gets settled.

I've thought about leaving the relationship and moving out, but I'd need to take everything in the house for myself and the baby (I own EVERYTHING in the house too), but that would leave my partner and his kids with NOTHING.
My partner doesn't want me to move out or for us to break up.

I have discussed all of this with the midwife and I am waiting for an appointment for some counselling as I think it may help me get through some of my anxieties and resentment towards the stepkids.

Has anybody else been through this? Can things truly get better? I'm so lost 😞

@Ec97
Slightly off topic but I've never understood parents who kiss their children on the lips. I think it's so gross. A lot of the time, it's also how cold sores are spread to the poor kids. I certainly wouldnt kiss my boyfriend either right after he just kissed his snotty lipped child on the mouth.

You do have to be more careful around germs etc when pregnant but I wouldn't have thrown away pasta sheets because these would be cooked so any germs would be destroyed. It sounds like you may have developed some anxiety over hygiene/health so maybe worth speaking to someone about this.

Try to have compassion for your step kids. At the end of the day they have no idea about hygiene, and none of them asked for their parents to break up and to be shuttled between two homes, including having to share precious time/space with their own parent with someone/people who are not part of their family.

[lalafafa]

@Ec97

Problems with the stepkids...

I feel so guilty and keep swearing to myself that I am going to change but as soon as they come over and I hear their voices its like 'nails on a chalkboard' to my ears. I dread them coming over and I physically shudder when the 3 yr old boy talks to me with his squeaky voice.

Its not like they are bad kids, well his girl isn't bad anyway. I used to not mind them so much and I enjoyed the company of his girl but now I'm pregnant, I hate having them in my house. I feel like they are dirty and I have to disinfect absolutely everything they touch. I think I have some sort of anxiety with germs.
For example:

• I was making lasagne and his girl (5) came over and touched the pasta sheets, they went straight in the bin.

-My partner was making toasties with his boy (3) in the kitchen and he touched the cheese with his dirty little hands. I threw the whole block of cheese in the bin.
-I was eating some grapes in the living room and his 3yr old boy came over and grabbed them all in his hands, they also went in the bin.
-His boy was choosing an apple out of the fruit bowl and touched a couple of the others, I had to wash them but still couldn't bring myself to eat them so they ended up being binned.
-When my partner takes them out,I go around the whole house bleaching and disinfecting everything they have touched e.g. door handles, chairs, remotes etc.
-When they go back to their mums after the weekend I have a good clean up of the house and even wash the covers and cushions on the sofa where they sit.
-They always want to kiss my partner on the lips and the boy always has a dirty, snotty upper lip and then my partner gets upset that I will not kiss him on the lips after he's kissed them. Also his ex wife kisses them on the lips too and I feel like its swapping germs around each family etc.

I hate that they are all over the house (with it being a bungalow), I will go to the kitchen and one will be in there, I go to the bathroom and one will be in there, living room and one will appear etc. I can't escape them. On bad days I will hide away in our bedroom with ear plugs in my ears so I can't hear them or see the things they are touching.

It saddens me that my baby will not even have her own room and I can't decorate it the way I wanted to because they are in it.
I just wish they would go away.

His girl is well behaved and I don't mind having her around as much as she just wants to chill and watch a movie or play with her toys.
His boy is awful and will hit her for no reason and then tell a lie saying 'my sister bit me' etc when she obviously did not and then he will do this absolutely awful fake cry when he is told off for his violence.

Every night they stay over, the boy will sneak into our room 4 or 5 times throughout the night and just stands at the bottom our our bed and screams. This scares me and I need it to stop for when the baby is here as he will terrify her!
Sometimes he can't open the door as it gets stuck on the carpet so he just bangs on the door rather than doing his 'possessed child' act. I don't understand why he does it but it makes me feel more hatred towards him.

My partner has won a court case for more access to them and I'm absolutely dreading having them an extra night in the week aswell as every other weekend.

When I try to discuss things with my partner, it just causes a huge argument and nothing gets settled.

I've thought about leaving the relationship and moving out, but I'd need to take everything in the house for myself and the baby (I own EVERYTHING in the house too), but that would leave my partner and his kids with NOTHING.
My partner doesn't want me to move out or for us to break up.

I have discussed all of this with the midwife and I am waiting for an appointment for some counselling as I think it may help me get through some of my anxieties and resentment towards the stepkids.

Has anybody else been through this? Can things truly get better? I'm so lost 😞

OMFG! those poor kids, throwing food away because they touched it? you've got some serious problems going on here, get some help.

[Ec97]

Problems with the stepkids...

I feel so guilty and keep swearing to myself that I am going to change but as soon as they come over and I hear their voices its like 'nails on a chalkboard' to my ears. I dread them coming over and I physically shudder when the 3 yr old boy talks to me with his squeaky voice.

Its not like they are bad kids, well his girl isn't bad anyway. I used to not mind them so much and I enjoyed the company of his girl but now I'm pregnant, I hate having them in my house. I feel like they are dirty and I have to disinfect absolutely everything they touch. I think I have some sort of anxiety with germs.
For example:

• I was making lasagne and his girl (5) came over and touched the pasta sheets, they went straight in the bin.

-My partner was making toasties with his boy (3) in the kitchen and he touched the cheese with his dirty little hands. I threw the whole block of cheese in the bin.
-I was eating some grapes in the living room and his 3yr old boy came over and grabbed them all in his hands, they also went in the bin.
-His boy was choosing an apple out of the fruit bowl and touched a couple of the others, I had to wash them but still couldn't bring myself to eat them so they ended up being binned.
-When my partner takes them out,I go around the whole house bleaching and disinfecting everything they have touched e.g. door handles, chairs, remotes etc.
-When they go back to their mums after the weekend I have a good clean up of the house and even wash the covers and cushions on the sofa where they sit.
-They always want to kiss my partner on the lips and the boy always has a dirty, snotty upper lip and then my partner gets upset that I will not kiss him on the lips after he's kissed them. Also his ex wife kisses them on the lips too and I feel like its swapping germs around each family etc.

I hate that they are all over the house (with it being a bungalow), I will go to the kitchen and one will be in there, I go to the bathroom and one will be in there, living room and one will appear etc. I can't escape them. On bad days I will hide away in our bedroom with ear plugs in my ears so I can't hear them or see the things they are touching.

It saddens me that my baby will not even have her own room and I can't decorate it the way I wanted to because they are in it.
I just wish they would go away.

His girl is well behaved and I don't mind having her around as much as she just wants to chill and watch a movie or play with her toys.
His boy is awful and will hit her for no reason and then tell a lie saying 'my sister bit me' etc when she obviously did not and then he will do this absolutely awful fake cry when he is told off for his violence.

Every night they stay over, the boy will sneak into our room 4 or 5 times throughout the night and just stands at the bottom our our bed and screams. This scares me and I need it to stop for when the baby is here as he will terrify her!
Sometimes he can't open the door as it gets stuck on the carpet so he just bangs on the door rather than doing his 'possessed child' act. I don't understand why he does it but it makes me feel more hatred towards him.

My partner has won a court case for more access to them and I'm absolutely dreading having them an extra night in the week aswell as every other weekend.

When I try to discuss things with my partner, it just causes a huge argument and nothing gets settled.

I've thought about leaving the relationship and moving out, but I'd need to take everything in the house for myself and the baby (I own EVERYTHING in the house too), but that would leave my partner and his kids with NOTHING.
My partner doesn't want me to move out or for us to break up.

I have discussed all of this with the midwife and I am waiting for an appointment for some counselling as I think it may help me get through some of my anxieties and resentment towards the stepkids.

Has anybody else been through this? Can things truly get better? I'm so lost 😞

[Letti35]

@notapizzaeater I thought I had started a new one lol oh well thanks for making me aware

[Letti35]

I thought I had lol ok thanks

[peak2021]

Not so much behaviour, but I ended one after a few months because I could not imagine being a step-parent to them. I just did not like them to be honest.

[notapizzaeater]

@Letti35 you'd be better off starting a new post with your issues.

[Letti35]

Hi I’m currently in a relationship since August/September 2015 and I have a daughter from a previous partner and my partner has two boys from a previous marriage/partner.. since then I’ve given birth to two more children 2017 and 2019, both planned as well and I couldn’t be happier with them, but my issue is regarding my step boys and the fact is I feel they treat me and my family so much more differently then they do they’re family back home, now they are from a different background and upbringing I’m white British my partner is black Caribbean, when I first met my partner his boys were back in the Caribbean with they’re mother and some reason I don’t fully know the ins and outs of the whole thing, he went over to the Caribbean back home to take the boys from they’re mother due to her apparently not caring from them properly, but they tell me differently and that they’re mum wanted them to come over to have a better chance of an education etc and that they’re father had promised to send for they’re mother and older step brother once they’d settled here but I was seeing they’re father at the time so that doesn’t sit right with me, I feel as though he is or they’re keeping something from me as it seems they know differently from what they’re fathers told me but I’ve kept that issue in mind and feel like maybe that’s why the boys don’t really show any respect towards me when I’m taking care of them when they’re dad works, we all live in the same house and sometimes things are okay, but when I first met the boys they had manners and showed respect but as they’ve got older( Pre teens ) they seem to lack any manners or respect and if feels even more so when they’re father isn’t home and they ignore me as a authoritative person in the home, always smart mouth and ignoring me, they seem to like provoking my first born who has autism and adhd and global delay so struggling with her own issues as well as mental health
, they seem to do nothing but moan about her when she does stuff that’s part of her condition that she can’t always control or help it, I do discipline her in a way she understands when she does misbehave and it works but they say I treat her differently and she should be punished how they would for misbehaving but they don’t understand I can’t treat her the same as them regarding discipline as it needs to be done in a way she understands so although when I discipline them for misbehaving I treat each child for the conditions they have so they understand in a way that works for them the end result is the same, I hope someone can understand what I mean, but even when I do feel I’m doing something right the boys give me more reason to dislike them I mean I’ve tried treating them like they’re my own but they don’t seem to want me either, they’ve told me multiple times they’re mum is more important to them but I don’t disagree there just that they should show me the same respect as they do her as it’s me with they’re father but even till today they don’t show me any respect and I’m starting to feel hateful, unfortunately I’m finding it difficult to love them and feel I’m just in my relationship as a caregiver for the boys, I don’t know if I should take a break from my relationship or just walk away completely because I’ve got my first born with special needs but two infants with him so it would be hard and understand the circumstances we face with COVID-19 it’s hard to find the right help, sorry about the long winded post but I really need some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation xx

[AxlPose]

I have. Best thing I ever did

[MrsBertBibby]

alot of peoples feedback was that my son should learn a lesson in life because the other childs autistic, so I was curious to see if people would think differently, when you mention a disability ohh thats ok to treat people how ever you want

That really isn't actually what happened, though, is it?

No one doubted your situation was very sad. No one doubted that you were right to leave. People just felt the poor child deserved less blame and anger from you, an adult, who had choices denied to him.

Anyway, good luck, you've clearly done right, and I hope you all heal and find happiness.

[chinnyrekkon]

Never ceases to amaze me that it’s always the children/the ex/the partner at fault, while the step parent and their own children are hapless victims in the middle of it all.

This would be because this is a thread written by one side of things.....of course she will write it from a perspective of hardship, it's how she feels.
Who actually cares if she remains 100% impartial?

[CaptainKirkssparetupee]

springydaff
This is the second thread the OP has made on this subject.

[springydaff]

We must be reading a different thread then Chaos. I haven't seen any evidence at all that op is being vitriolic about ss, just simply stating autistic ss is violent towards op's son.

[CaptainKirkssparetupee]

alot of peoples feedback was that my son should learn a lesson in life because the other childs autistic
No 100% of people told you to leave and a whole lot hated your absolutely horrible attitude to a child who had lost his family and had a disability which made seeing the world hard.
Spawn of satan.... And so on.

[ChaosNeverRains]

I am of the belief that step parenting isn’t for most people tbh and that blending families is rarely if ever a good idea, and that if you realise that then the best course of action is to leave the relationship.

However, I am constantly astounded at the amount of vitriol and bad feeling that is directed at small children in these instances by adults who to be brutally honest should know better and who certainly wouldn’t appreciate the same levels of criticism being directed at their own children in the same circumstances. Never ceases to amaze me that it’s always the children/the ex/the partner at fault, while the step parent and their own children are hapless victims in the middle of it all.

At the end of the day the only victim here was a seven year old child with issues of his own which he needed support to deal with, and probably the OP’s child who didn’t ask to be in the situation either. But the adults should all have known better and should all do right by all of the children involved.

And it’s situations like this one which lead to step parents getting such a hard time on mn and elsewhere.

[EllieMe]

You did the right thing. Autism isn't an excuse for violence and you had to protect your son because SS's father wasn't dealing with it.

[springydaff]

dear me twatty, how to read dastardly when dastardly simply isn't there.

OP you moved out to protect your boy is the beginning and end of it. Well done, you did the right thing.

[twattymctwatterson]

It's not ok for your son to be hit and of course you should protect him but it sounds like you harbour anger towards a 7 year old with autism who has had a traumatic start.

[India27]

Yea there is because alot of peoples feedback was that my son should learn a lesson in life because the other childs autistic, so I was curious to see if people would think differently, when you mention a disability ohh thats ok to treat people how ever you want, I left Thursday