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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend broke up with me for no reason

37 replies

beckymad1x · 18/02/2018 15:45

So yeah, as the title said.

Obviously wasn't a perfect relationship but not even an explanation?!

Just need a hand hold Sad

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 18/02/2018 15:48

There must be a reason? He’s just not giving you a reason which will drive you crazy looking for one. Don’t waste your time on it, the problem is with him.

How long were you together?

beckymad1x · 18/02/2018 15:52

Nope no reason, we have ups and downs like normal couples. All was okay last night and he woke up this morning and basically told me to leave.

Won't give me a reason, won't talk to me. It's killing me Sad

OP posts:
beckymad1x · 18/02/2018 15:52

Sorry, we were together about a year and a half, friends for 10!

OP posts:
aftertheevent · 18/02/2018 15:58

Oh my goodness you poor thing. Best thing is to take him at his word and leave and don't bother with explanations.
Have you anywhere to go? If you can go home to family whilst you sort yourself out.
There may be many reasons from OW to whatever. Don't give him the satisfaction of asking walk away now.

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 16:07

Well he's reason is that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. He doesn't need a reason more than that.

ThePinkOcelot · 18/02/2018 16:11

No he doesn’t LittleKitty, but when someone breaks up with you out of the blue, you do kind of want to know why! Would you not?!

So sorry OP x

ALittleBitConfused1 · 18/02/2018 16:13

Sounds to me like he has maybe been thinking about this for a while and has decided he's done.
Doesn't make it any easier for you I know but sometimes one person just reaches their limit before the other.
I decided one day that my marriage was over. It wasn't out of the blue to me it was something that I had been continuously thinking about for months. My husband thought it came out of the blue but it didn't really, we had been having problems for a year he just choose to try and ignore them while I needed to confront them. In the end I gave up trying to make him see and thats why it ended.
After much pushing from him I did give him all of the reasons it wasn't working but he didn't agree, he had a different perspective to our ups and downs and just said they were normal, to me they were enough to end it.
We're still friends and he now sees I made the right decision, I'm glad I did it when I did because it means we can still be friends without years of bitterness and resentment built up.
I suppose what I'm saying is if you're not at your 'I'm done stage' yet and he is his reasons probably won't make sense to you anyway. It doesn't make them any less valid.
My advice would be to work on acceptance, acceptance that it's over, over thinking it will drive you mad. Easier said than done I know. I'm sorry you're hurting, heartbreak is shit but concernrate on healing and moving forward not why he has ended it. Give yourself time for the shock to wear off then regroup with a new plan.

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 16:14

I read on here all the time women asking if certain things are enough to break up with their partners, they are always told they don't need a reason and just not wanting to be with the person anymore is enough. Can't see why this is different.

MadMags · 18/02/2018 16:17

No, unfortunately as hard as it might be for you, he doesn’t need a reason other than he doesn’t want to be with you.

Sorry, OP.

AfterSchoolWorry · 18/02/2018 16:17

There is probably someone else OP.

Maatsuyker · 18/02/2018 16:20

I had that once. Refused to give me a reason. I ran into him two years later and he told me that he was seeing a therapist for some traumatic reason (outing so I won't say) and he also talked to her that he had trouble getting over me. So I asked him why he broke up with me. He became angry and complained that the therapist asked him the same. Twenty years later I still don't know. I wrote him off as a nutjob.

flumpybear · 18/02/2018 16:21

Probably too chicken shit to tell you - if nothing else he doesn't like you as a girlfriend - move on

beckymad1x · 18/02/2018 16:23

I know there's no OW. We had a good relationship, very trusting and did a lot together. Think this is why I'm taking it so hard.

To end a relationship over nothing when he was telling me last night I'm the only one he wants, I think I deserve a reason.

Yes I've got somewhere to go, I'm at my mums now, so hard x

OP posts:
demirose87 · 18/02/2018 16:25

There is a reason though, he doesn't want to be with you. That is the reason. But he is being shitty by not being honest. He should have explained why out of decency and any respect he has for you.

susiebee61 · 18/02/2018 16:26

sometimes it can be a really unexpected reason, I had a female friend who kept breaking up relationships which seemed to be going well until she eventually confided it was when she had an occasional herpes outbreak...however if someone ends something then there's no point constantly asking why as people start coming up with lame excuses...very hard but go forward with your life and he may well contact you again in the future-however you might not want to hear from him by then hopefully!

RaindropsAndSparkles · 18/02/2018 16:26

I broke up with a boyfriend once because i knew i didn't love him enough to marry him. He was a really lovely young man - kind, sensible, hard working. I just didn't see a long term future because that spark just wasn't there. I often wonder what happened to him and hope he's happy. He went to SA shortly afterwards. I'm going back 35 years here.

MadMags · 18/02/2018 16:30

You don’t deserve anything past him breaking up with you, though.

He’s told you it’s over. He doesn’t even need a reason.

It is shit for you, though.

beckymad1x · 18/02/2018 16:30

I think I just want to know what happened in the space of 10 hours!!

I can deal that he doesn't want to be with me, that's fine. Just dont understand why he would say all of the right things last night and then not want anything to do with me the next day!

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 18/02/2018 16:31

Look to the future not behind. So sorry OP.

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 16:54

He's probably been wanting to for a while so the last 10 hours are probably not what made the difference.

ChocolateWombat · 18/02/2018 17:03

Mature adults who have been in a relationship for 18 months expect to be able to break off relationships, but they absolutely expect to give some kind of explanation of it, even if it's difficult to do so.

Teenagers who have been out with someone for 2 weeks might think it is okay to just 'end it' but they are lacking in maturity and communication skills.

It is very disappointing that he has done this and it also worries me that adults would consider this to be normal or acceptable behaviour. We aren't talking about someone she has met for 5 minutes online, but a boyfriend of 18 months. How awful to have such low expectations of people or to have developed these through experience of people behaving like this, so it seems normal.

Op I suspect he has shown problems in communicating before this point and it's not the first time. All I can say is I'm sorry you've experienced this. All people deserve better in a break up - not that a break up should never happen, but someone will show enough respect to acknowledge that some level of explanation is a simple courtesy.

ThisLittleKitty · 18/02/2018 17:07

Like I said there are many many threads on this relationship board where people are told you for need a reason to break up with someone. Honestly if someone broke up with me for "no reason" I would assume the reason was they didn't want to be with me anymore as that's usually why people break up with people because they don't want to be with them.

Reddlion · 18/02/2018 20:18

don't get him I think there is someone else or he is gay

TheNaze73 · 18/02/2018 20:20

Him not wanting to be with you is reason enough

Reddlion · 18/02/2018 20:22

he was telling you last night "you're the only one I want"
there is your answer
there is someone else
why the he'll would he randomly say this to you? think about it.

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