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Original poster

Did you get married/pregnant early on in your relationship?

75 replies

HatchetFace · 15/02/2018 21:31

I'm trying to figure out if I'm being a naive idiot or if this can actually work out...!

I've been with my boyfriend less than 6 months but we both feel like this is 100% it. Very in love and best friends. Due to age (30) and a genetic condition we're going to need to crack on with baby making sooner rather than later. When we start trying we'll probably only have been together a year. Both want to get married at some point too. We already know each other very well as we dated many years ago when we were basically kids, but have been friends ever since. I trust him completely and we have similar values.

I wasn't sure about the whole 'when you know you just know' thing before I got back with him but now it just seems so obvious. Friends think I'm going way too quickly as they've been with partners 8+ years before marriage.

Is it crazy to rush into things? Did it work out for you?

OP posts:
robertaplumkin · 15/02/2018 22:51

i had an unplanned pregnancy when we had been together for 8 months. i firmly believe you should have passed through all the seasons AT LEAST once before you commit like this. and a baby is A LOT more of a commitment than a marriage. we're still together and we love our son but if i'd seen through 'winter' without a bun in the oven we'd not be together now which does play in my mind and no doubt we'll be splitting up when the timing is a bit better. even though everything is ok at the moment.. i don't see him the way i did before 'winter' came...

Babybrainx2 · 15/02/2018 22:55

4.5 years ago, I had a surprise pregnancy 4 months into a relationship. My friend fell pregnant around the same time, with her boyfriend of 4 years.

I'm now married with 2 babies (planned the second one!) and unfortunately my friends relationship didn't work out.

Statistics say it won't work out, but it's worth a shot :)

NoNoCharlieRascal · 15/02/2018 22:57

Moved in together after 3 days Blush he basically stayed over and never left!
Married after 14 months
Ds born 1 month before 1st wedding anniversary.

Everything always just clicked and never had any nerves about any of the big stuff. Smile

MamaDuckling · 15/02/2018 22:57

Engaged after 3 months, married 5 months later, and then DS arrived about 9 months after that!

We just knew.... but, it hasn't been easy. I still know he's the one but there are definitely times I've thought 'if only I'd known....' it's better now, 6 years on. The early days with 2 babies (and sometimes man child) were hard.

hollowtree · 15/02/2018 23:02

Dating in July, pregnant by Christmas that year, shotgun wedding March the following year! So married around 6 months after dating and three of us 6 months after that 😊 I am so happy, I couldn't wish for a more wonderful life.

We went to school together though and have always been friends. I can't believe it took us so long to get together in the first place!

SnackMaBitchUp · 15/02/2018 23:03

My best friend was pregnant within the first month of her relationship and I definitely think that, had that not happened, they wouldn't be together now. Every time we have an honest drunken 3am talk, I totally think she just settled.

DramaAlpaca · 15/02/2018 23:08

My PILs got engaged 6 weeks after meeting & married a couple of months later. They were mid-30s so I guess they wanted to get on with it & have a family. They adored each other & were happily married for over 50 years until MIL died.

Jjpeston · 15/02/2018 23:16

Yep. We met on a dating app in 2014 and a year later I was pregnant with our first child. We moved in together when I was 7 mo pregnant and it's all been great since then - I mean the first few months of having a baby will test any relationship but it's basically cool (!). Now expecting our second any day - have only been together 3.5 years. Just go for it if you feel you know him well and it's 'right'.

MushroomSoup · 15/02/2018 23:18

Married after a year, found out I was pregnant the next day! Very happy 18 years later.

dirtybadger · 15/02/2018 23:30

Well if you need to TTC sooner rather than later, it makes practical sense to sort the legal wedding stuff out too.

FWIW I think knowing someone as a friend and partner are different. But knowing someone before definitely helps, and can sensibly "speed things up" a fraction. I was friends with DP for 10 years, together 3 years. No DC or wedding planned (ever, though, so a bit different!)- but as a risk averse person I would 1. Not get married for a decade or so if I wanted to, 2. Get married before DC for legal protection if they were going to be in the equation soon. If I hadnt been friends with them before, I'd probably tag a few extra years onto the time frame.

You hear as many positive as negative stories about quickly moving from dating to marriage. And often the description of the early stages will be the same. So I guess there isnt really way of knowing, but there isnt that much to be gained from assuming the worst.

dirtybadger · 15/02/2018 23:36

My only two examples;

Male friend engaged after 9 months. Married a year later. ttc but thankfully not Successful. Seperated about 18 months later. Friend now suffers from PTSD (abusive relationship). Wife refuses to divorce after 2 years. They know each other as friends for years before.

Another male friend engaged after 1 year due to cultural pressures (religious conservative family). Still married 2 years later. Wife is now struggling with drinking problem and relationship sounds frankly awful. Barely knew each other before (compared to long term friends).

BUT!! Most people who know all four people involved could have told you it wouldnt work on the wedding day, because they were already dysfunctional relationships. They are probably the typical awful examples of rushing things. Not at all like your relationship, I expect/hope.

TheWildOnes · 15/02/2018 23:38

We got engaged after 5 months, had bought a house at 12 months, married in less than 18 months, conceived on wedding weekend.
Been together 14 years now, 3dc and we are probably the happiest we've ever been (Well I am).

LittleMissGiggle5 · 15/02/2018 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMissGiggle5 · 15/02/2018 23:54

Met on pof, first date in November 16, conceived in January (happy accident), he moved in April after me having a difficult pregnancy and him staying every night with a long commute, moved his work over to me and baby born in October 17, also I am aware he will be proposing the next time we have date night.. (long story)
we've had our ups and downs as everyone does but his favourite line is "when you know, you just know."
We don't do flowers and gifts but we talk about absolutely everything and are each others best friend, it suits us very well. (you know who your friends are when you have a baby)
No regrets here on either sideGrin
If you know, you know OPFlowers

RainbowsAndUnicorns23 · 16/02/2018 00:05

We moved in together after 6 months and then i was pregnant 9 months later. Still together 8 years later and pregnant with number 2!

christmaswreaths · 16/02/2018 09:37

We got together mid December, got married in April and was pregnant a month later! Now 4 children and 14 years later, still happy and going strong!!

EffRam · 16/02/2018 09:45

It's not as super speedy as some of these but we were engaged in under 2 years, married after 2.5, now pregnant before 3 years.

I had exactly the feeling you describe, just 'ah yeah this is it'. We've been with other people for much longer so felt like we both knew what we were looking for and what we didn't want!

I did insist on some couples counselling before we moved in together (after about 18 months) because I think good communication is a strong foundation and it helped us check we were on the same page with an objective bystander! Also helped us feel like as we've been to that when things were great it would be easier to go back if they weren't, if that makes sense.

FlurkenSchnit · 16/02/2018 13:20

Met on match.com then first date beginning of July, engaged beginning of September, found out I was pregnant beginning of November, married in May and DD was born at the end of July. So we met, married and had a daughter in just over a year!
This May will be our eighth wedding anniversary and we have another two DC (had a DS from previous relationship DH treats as his own so now 4DC altogether) so our gamble obviously paid off. Weirdly this last year has been our most difficult, lots of arguments, but these have been caused by circumstances and interference from a family member and not our feelings towards each other.
What I would say is that we were older (I was 29 and DH was 31) when we met and we knew exactly what we wanted, and didn't want, in a relationship and luckily we matched. It hasn't been a bed of roses as we both had emotional baggage from our pasts, but we both just "knew" early on and still "know" now.

gta · 16/02/2018 16:47

My partner moved in within 3 weeks and we've got a baby on the way less than 2 years later and we're very happy !

VladmirsPoutine · 16/02/2018 16:52

I'm all for moving very quickly and getting on with things when time is indeed of the essence. But remember those that fly the highest experience the most amount of pain when they crash back down.

So consider yourself in all this. Get married and have a baby by all means, but be sure to know that if it should go to shit you can pick yourself up again and not end up as one of the many posters that talk about their bastard exes.

Nothing in life is a guarantee. But keep your wits about you.

LuckyAmy1986 · 16/02/2018 17:12

Moved in after a few weeks. Got pregnant after 4 months, married at 10 months. But we just knew. My dad kept saying to me “do you not have any reservations at all?!” But I didn’t. Still very loved up and happy married 6 years now with 2dc.

mydogisthebest · 16/02/2018 17:23

Got married 5 months after meeting. Very happily married for almost 40 years now

Blaablaablaa · 16/02/2018 17:29

Yes! Bought a house, got married and was pregnant within a year. Still deliriously happy 6 years later. When you know you know

pickleofficer · 16/02/2018 17:38

We met in November, had a date in January, moved in together in April and married in December. 15 years and four kids later, still very happy!

Taylor22 · 16/02/2018 17:45

I got pregnant within 3ish months of being together.

We were engaged after being together one year when I was pregnant.

We married and had another (planned) baby and will celebrate our third wedding anniversary this year.
It was hard. It's not easy to learn about each other when you're moving in together and planning for the baby and then having to get through that first year with a newborn.

But I couldn't be happier.

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