Dating - Advice/recipe for success

[Jmc2683]

Hi,

I'm new to posting so apologies in advance, but this seems like the best place to get overall advice.

So quick background and what's led me here;
I'm 34, separated (for the final time) 3 months ago. I have 2 children, work full time in a half decent job.
I've dated 3 people since, the first from eharmony didn't go anywhere.

No. 2 & 3 both from bumble (roughly the same time) and seemed to go well, no.2 I really quite liked and we seemed to get on really well he said a lot of great things etc had 5 dates over a month then after 5th date (we spent night together) he has gone completely quiet responds when I've messaged a couple of times but hasn't initiated messages since (that was 5 days ago) so I get the message there.

Similar with no.3 seemed really keen 4 dates now nothing.

So I guess questions are:

• am I just being naive thinking once you get to dates 3,4,5 that means it might go somewhere

• when something had turned into a relationship is it as simple as the guy will ask for exclusivity fairly soon, or was it more complicated

• are there better sites, I've heard bad things about pof and tinder and I'm not really into a lot of hook ups, but also didn't find much on eharmony

-am I just too old for dating 😂

I could ask a lot more, sorry this is so long, but if you found success what was different that time?

Thanks

Hey just checking you said you'd separated only 3 months ago?
Are you in that much of a hurry to get back into a relationship? No judgement at all btw I think it's a great way to boost your confidence but I think you're probably overthinking it, just have fun with it, work on getting to know yourself again! And no you are not to old for dating at all..I wish you the best of luck :)

Hi, yes I have wondered whether it might be too soon, it doesn't feel too soon as when I say 3 months that was the final conclusion, the first separation was over a year ago so it was a long drawn out process. But when I was dating I felt great and like myself again, I just don't like the first dates it was lovely getting a few in when things become a little more comfortable. But I do know everything you've said makes sense

3 months is very soon.
So dating is OK to just get out and have fun but just enjoy it for now.
Try THIS THREAD for stories and dating advice.
It's a minefield out there.
Not used Bumble but have you tried Tinder?

I haven't tried tinder, wasn't sure if it was too much focus on hook ups rather than dating. But I can always try. Thanks for the link will check it out

You’ve only been separated 3 months. Are you sure you’re ready for all this?

I think so, it didn't feel weird at all. It was 3 months since final separation but we had separated a number of times over the last year (not my choice) so I feel like I had gone through mourning the end of it a number of times already etc. However I guess I won't know for sure until I try. Or as another question when did people know it was the right time, what happened, changed and how long was it?

That's a lot of dating for only 3 months single.
My advice would be to delete your profiles and just forget about dating.
Have fun being single.
The chances of you meeting someone halfway decent so soon (while you're still in emotional baggage terrortary) are very slim.
When was the last time you were single for any length of time, did you enjoy it?

If you're ready, you're ready. I was only separated officially for 6 weeks, moved out for 2, when someone walked into my life. My marriage was over a long time before it actually ended, I wasn't looking for anything else. Do whatever makes you happy but chill out and don't rush into something

Some very good advice, thank you.
I definitely need to relax and just be, whether that's with dating or not

You've separated 3 months ago so really don't be too disappointed that the dates you've been on haven't gone anywhere. I would suggest slowing down a tad. There is nothing wrong with going on dates but it may be an idea to shift your expectations, don't expect to find love straightaway, just enjoy meeting new people and going to nice places etc.

After my marriage ended I got into a serious relationship far too soon and it was a mistake, if I'd have slowed down a bit maybe I would have realised sooner that he wasn't right for me at all.

Also don't feel you have to rely on internet dating, go out with friends, maybe join some groups, go to classes, or one of those singles nights that match.com advertises.