Husband grabbed wrist hard leaving marks

[Greyday2]

I had my baby in carrier on my chest and by 3 year old son was next to me. I’d called after him in a way he didn’t like to he grabbed my wrist hard and called me a cunt so angrily that I had marks on my wrist the next day and soreness. I told him to leave because in that instant it seemed like the only thing I could do. He stated away that night and then came back if his own volition. I don’t know how I feel- or if I overreacted?

So sorry to hear this

All I can say from recent experience
Is the advice on here is very good
This is so not ok

No matter how stressed anyone is

They are only flowers. They mean nothing. He is being abusive and it will only escalate. I would start making plans to get out.

Op, if I buy you a bigger bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates and tell you I love you, can I move in? No? But I bought you stuff to prove I love you and I will only hurt and abuse you because it’s your fault. How many flowers do I have to buy you before you let me hurt you? Or does that all sound ridiculous, as NO ONE has the right to physically, mentally, financially, sexually abuse another person or even make them unhappy. Get out before your little boy starts imitating his bullying prick of a father.

He is now saying it’s my choice as to whether he leaves again because it’s down to my behaviour

So tell him to get the fuck out then..

Honestly, listen to yourself:

He doesn't do anything to help you with the house or kids.
He doesn't listen to your son.
He shouts and you and calls you a cunt.
He has physically hurt you.

Why are you even questioning this?

Oh but he's bought you some flowers, so everything OK now?

Get yourself and your children away from this abuser.

"He just came back from shops with a big valentines bouquet"

Of course. I was expecting him to do that. The "apology" flowers.

That was him doing the nice part of the nice/nasty cycle of abuse; this is the calm before the storm hits again. Such a cycle is a continuous one.

Do not fall for it, I urge you to get yourself and your children well away from this man before you all are further harmed emotionally and physically by him. HE is responsible for his actions here, not you.

Good dads don’t abuse the mother of their children

My abusive XH bought me flowers every week for the whole eight years we were married, that means nothing OP. Do you want your child to grow up to think this is how relationships work?

These guys love their apology flowers.

... Forever.

You are in the reconciliation phase, OP. I'm really sorry, I know that this must be a huge shock.

I think you know that he is abusive and that you have to leave. If you have parents nearby who can take you and the kids in, you should do that immediately and permanently. Instruct a solicitor.

They do love their apology flowers.

I now hate Valentine's day and any other occasion that tends to go hand in hand with ott gestures like this.

You don't need flowers op , you need a partner that listens to you and respects you.

It’s best to get rid of him now before the kids get too much older and start treating you the same way. They are learning it’s ok to treat you like that. It’s not ok.

I have just read these messages again- they really helped me today. I am not taken in by the flowers. I think what I am struggling with is that I am
Often in the wrong and I am very imperfect and difficult so I absolutely am guilty of provoking him and also of being critical
of him - I tend to apologise for things however but he doesn’t. The fact that I know I often behave badly and he can also be very lovely at times makes it harder for me to make such a huge decision.

Oh sweetheart, stop apologising for yourself and making excuses for him.

We can all be annoying, imperfect and critical. It DOES NOT mean someone is entitled to grab and physically hurt us while their baby is strapped to us... that is not on.

I am also finding it hard to exist in a marriage where there is now zero physical affection. He was giving me these kisses on the head which I hated and now nothing. We have not had sex since last summer and that was a one off ( I don’t care about sex though just the intimacy). We sleep in separate beds which was my decision after my first baby as I could never sleep beside him because he always insisted on having his phone on or coming to bed really late which disturbed me or he’d have upset me and I couldn’t relax beside him and then when I had my son and he was a terrible sleeper I decided to go onto the spare room and I never wanted to go back. Tonight we said good night without even a kiss and it’s been like that for a couple of weeks. It all feels very strange.

Is that how you want to live?

He called you a cunt OP, what else has he called you over the years? Maybe write it down, on here if you wish, it might seem more real.

No one is perfect in a marriage, you don't have to be perfect, don't think this is your fault or you have provoked him by not being perfect. I have wound up my husband and he has wound me up over the years, he has never grabbed me, I have never grabbed him.

OP i can hear a lot of sadness in your posts

Can I suggest that you read Lundy Bancroft? “Why does he do that?” and/or “Should I stay or should I go?”

I think it would help you to work out your thoughts and see things more clearly.