Husband grabbed wrist hard leaving marks

[Greyday2]

I had my baby in carrier on my chest and by 3 year old son was next to me. I’d called after him in a way he didn’t like to he grabbed my wrist hard and called me a cunt so angrily that I had marks on my wrist the next day and soreness. I told him to leave because in that instant it seemed like the only thing I could do. He stated away that night and then came back if his own volition. I don’t know how I feel- or if I overreacted?

What Anotheremma said. It's abuse. Whatever you've said, however you've behaved. Talk to Women's Aid just to get their take on it. (My dear friend did this and found them incredibly supportive and helpful) They will say the same thing.

that's emotional and physical abuse and will get worse. Please protect yourself and your children and get him out. I'd consider police report too.

He does 11/18 of those things Bananman fan. The thing that drives me mad is ima “doer” , up early, always on the move, multi talker etc. He’s always getting at me for doing more than one thing at once but he helps me so little in the house and will leave any requests to the last minute to fulfill so I end up doing things myself and then he has a go at me for having done them myself.

He is very sweet with the children although he doesn’t always listen to what I know my son needs so I wouldn’t keep them apart. Often he’s showering the. With smiles abs kisses whilst not looking at me @ because he doesn’t feel like it because of something I’ve said or done .

Sorry for typos trying to get baby to sleep on my arms

Showers them with smiles and kisses

Smiles and kisses in your presence while not looking at you is to punish you.

How is he with them when you're not in the room?
How does he deal with any difficult behaviour?

You said he doesn't really know how to manage your 3 year old.

No he’s cruel to me like that but very good with them- almost too much so in that he is never very firm with my son even when he needs things to be firm and straightforward. However I think he’ll continue to be nasty to me and a good father- it’s very important to him to be seen to do the right thing. He’ll also make it up to me to ask him to leave so he can blame me and then he’ll tell me I’ve ruibed everyone’s lives which is heartbreaking for me.

What Lweji wrote re his treatment of the children, he is certainly sending them mixed messages here and that will harm them too.

Neither child will thank you in the long run if you choose to stay with their abusive father. Your children will adapt and you will be showing them a better model of a relationship than an abusive one.

Would you want your children to be in a relationship likes yours is; no would be your answer. Stop showing them that this treatment of you from their dad is still acceptable to you on some level.

Womens Aid are worth contacting on 0808 2000 247 and they will help you.

It isn't sweet to call a child's mum a cunt.

Greyday2

He is NOT a good father to his children at all if he abuses you as their mother. Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment or versions thereof when they themselves can think of nothing positive to write about their man.

He may fool some people and these men can and do appear plausible to those in the outside world. But not everyone will be fooled by him and I would think that one or two of your friends have their own private suspicions about him.

Plan your exit from this miserable marriage you find yourself in before he further drags you and in turn your kids down with him.

He isn’t a good father if he is using his children to abuse their mother; that's what he's doing, showering them with smiles and kisses but not looking at you.

Parenting is also being firm when necessary.
You haven't said what he does when they are difficult. What does he do when your son has meltdowns?

Such men often need to step on people for their self worth.
He's already using them to punish you.

How do you think it will go when he has them both for a weekend?

I am seeing only one cunt in this relationship and it certainly ain't you OP. DH and I are the proud parents of a very special DS with severe learning difficulties, doubly incontinent (nappies at 12) totally non-verbal, unable to feed himself etc, etc, etc, so please believe me when I say that we could both teach your Husband a thing or too about frustration.

In 25 years of being with my DH he has never so much laid a finger on me nor I him We remove ourselves from the situation, get out of the room, take a deep breath and calm down.

What your Husband is doing is WRONG. End of.

The fact that your DC has autism is no excuse, there isn't one for another person to physically and emotionally abuse others. NO excuse.

I am a huge believer in the fact that people only treat us in the way we allow them to. Next time he does that (and he so will) just stop and think. Why the hell am I allowing this to happen at all and what will the effect of my actions be on my DC,s?

There are so many women whose lives were like yours, thinking they didn't have the strength to walk away, yet they did it and are now living the life we all deserve. I have yet to hear a single victim of DV say how much they regret not being abused day in day out.

Trust me OP, you have that strength too and as a Mother you need to start using it pronto.

Good luck

He just came back from shops with a big valentines bouquet 😳

Just like my ex would have...

Guess what I left him for...

What Lweji?

Lovely then, all good, but wait...
He called you a cunt - not a good dad. Not a good man. Terrible example to his kids.

Aggressive can't be wiped out with roses.

Tell him you dont want his roses and yoy would actually like him to move out and get a place of his own. Do it now. He's not a good dad or a good person. Hes an abusive asshole. If you think you're just waiting for things to get better so one day you can be happily married you're very much mistaken. It will never get better and you will never be loved or happy as you should be.

Please put your children and yourself first and leave this man asap,he will not get better he is a wolf in sheeps clothing and the violence will get worse get out now.

Classic abuser. Emotional and physical abuse, stonewalling, crazymaker. Get out before it gets worse. Which it will

He's hoping those flowers will work their magic on you.

Have they, OP?

I sincerely hope not.

Don’t fall for it OP. There is nothing that will cancel out his abuse of you. It’s not a one-off. What you describe is an on-going abusive relationship. The flowers mean nothing, except a way of confusing and wrong-footing you. Abusive man buys flowers. He is still abusive. And he is not a good dad if he is abusive to you. I’ve been in your situation, it slowly destroys you and sucks all the joy from your life.

He should leave. You won’t miss him. So sorry you’re going through this with two young children. He is using them to blackmail you into thinking you have to stick it out. You do not. Believe me, you will manage better without this tormentor in your home.

Domestic violence.
He was very good with Valentine's. Particularly the time he hurt me.
And then he hurt me again in less than a month.
I only regret not leaving him earlier.